Woman

aye

If a man drove over a woman, whose fault was it?

The man, because he shouldn’t be driving in the kitchen.

Wife

Big Mama Chungus

One night a girl said to her family "Goodnight Mommy, Goodnight Daddy, Goodnight Grandma, Goodbye Grandpa. the next morning her grandpa died. That night she said "Goodnight mommy, Goodnight daddy, Goodbye Grandma. the next morning the grandma died. The dad started to fear for his life because he was next. That night the girl said "Goodnight mommy, Goodbye daddy. the next morning the dad woke up and he was perfectly fine but when he went into the kitchen he saw his wife crying. when he asked her whats wrong she said “The Mail Man died”.

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Wife

Anonymous

I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping up onions which made me cry.

Onions was a good dog.

White

Nathan Claunch

A black boy walks into the kitchen where his mother is baking and accidentally pulls the flour over onto his head. He turns to his mother and says, “Look Mama, I’m a white boy!” His mother smacks him and says, “Go tell your Daddy what you just said!” The boy finds his father and says, “Look Daddy, I’m a white boy!” His Daddy bends him over, spanks him, stands the boy back up, and says, “Now, what do you have to say for yourself?” The boy replies, “I’ve only been a white boy for five minutes and I already hate you black people!”

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Little Johnny

Ethan McGuire

Little Johnny is watching his dad shave one morning and his dad was making alot of mistakes. Suddenly his dad screams " bitches and asses!" Johnny asks what it meant and his dad replied " aunts and uncles" Oh. next thing he hears is “dicks and pussies!” Johnny asks " what’s that mean?" To which his dad replied " uh coats and hats." Oh next thing he know he sees his dad jumping around the the bathroom yelling " fucking, fuck,fuck,Fuck" " what does that mean dad?" And his dad yells " cut Johnny, it means cut!!!" Oh. Next week is Thanksgiving and the doorbell rings and Johnny answers it and says " Hey bitches and asses, hang your dicks and pussies here, dad’s in the kitchen fucking the turkey.

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Little Johnny

Anonymous

Little Johnny was playing with his train and said all you motherfckers who want to get off get off and all you motherfckers who want to get on get on his mother here’s him and said is that you cussing. The mother said go to your room for 1 hour little Johnny goes to his room then little johnny comes back one hour later and said all you motherfckers who wanna get off get off and all you motherfckers who wanna get on get on and if you wanna know about the 1 hour delay go ask the b*tch in the kitchen.

Movie

Punk

I love how in horror movies the person calls out, “Hello,” as if the psycho will answer, “Hey, what’s up, I’m in the kitchen. Want a sandwich?”

Rest

D

Women should be allowed to leave the kitchen…to clean the rest of the house

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Wife

Tacmed419

The other day my wife said "take me someplace I have never been before, I said why don’t you try the kitchen! "

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Wrong

idk

What is the one thing wrong with Asian pet stores… There is always a kitchen in the back

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Daughter

imgay2

Yesterday my daughter was playing in the garden when i saw her kill a butterfly. I told her that as a punishment, she won’t eat butter for 1 month. Today i saw her killing a cockroach in the kitchen. I told her “nice try”.

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Little Johnny

The Aphabet

Little Johnny was in kindergarten and his teacher said, “okay everyone, Tomorrow you must come to school and recite the first three letters of the alphabet”. Johnny didn’t know the alphabet so he decided to ask his family. He walked in the kitchen to find his mom on the phone. He says, “Mamma, what’s the first letter of the alphabet?” His mom doesn’t notice him standing there and says, “If you don’t shut the fuck up right now-” So he goes to find his brother watching TV and he says, “Tommy what’s the Second letter of the alphabet?” His brother doesn’t notice him and says, “I’m Batman”. So He went to his Grandma who was knitting and says, “Grandma what’s the third letter of the Alphabet?” The grandma then realizes she left her biscuits in the oven for too long and says, “My biscuits are burning! My Biscuits are burning!” Satisfied with the answers given to him he thinks it over and goes to school the next morning. When his teacher come to Johnny she says, “Johnny what are the first three letters of the alphabet?” “If you don’t shut the fuck up right now” - Johnny "Who do you think you are young man to talk to someone like me that way?" - teacher "I’m Batman" - Johnny The teacher whups his ass and little johnny says, “My biscuits are burning! My Biscuits are burning!”

Later that day he understands what happened and can’t tell which was worse that he accidentally cussed to his teacher or that his family was ignoring him.

Floor

Daniel King

Why did the boy put the potatoes 🥔 on the kitchen floor?

He wanted to mash potatoes!

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Cry

die

I was crying while my dad was cutting onions I the kitchen onions was such a good dog.

Little Johnny

Foxdeerbunny00

Little Johnny got a train set for Christmas. He takes it around the circle, parks it at the station, and says” alright, you motherfuckers get off here, and you motherfuckers get off here” his mom comes rushing in and says” little Johnny, we don’t use that kind of language, go to your room and think about what you did!” After a few hours, she lets him out of his room. He goes back to play with his train set. He takes it around the circle, parks it at the station, and says,” ok, you guys get off here, and you guys get off here. And if you have any complaints about the two hour delay, take it up with the bitch in be kitchen”

Puns

Anonymous

A Blond and her Brunette friend where chatting about their boyfriends; the brunette goes on and on about how dirty her boyfriend is with her. To not be outdone the blond retort’s. Thats nothing once we we’re in the kitchen I can’t believe I didn’t see it coming one minute I turned and He just got it all on my face it was so thick and hard! it covered my mouth, my nose,my shoulders, and eyes it even got in my hair; and when i looked up at him all he could say was whoops the Flower went everywhere!

Boyfriend

Hit or miss

I like my women how I like my fridge.

In the kitchen.

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Difference

killian

What’s the difference between a woman that doesn’t belong in the kitchen and Bigfoot? Bigfoot is real

Puns

2sad4u

My kitchen was rearranged today. The tables have turned and the steaks are higher.

Breakfast

Anonymous

It was 7:00am when Billy ran downstairs after a long night of sleep, he got to the kitchen where his mother and father sat, “What would you like for breakfast?” Billy’s mom asked politely, Billy replied with “whatever dad gave you last night in your bedroom would be great! You seemed to like it very much!”