Aed jokes
My late grandpa was always popular with women. One day, before he died, I asked him what his secret was. He said, "I inherited a watering hole."
Bewildered, I replied, "What does that have to do with anything?"
"I could easily get anyone wet because I was well endowed."
A girl came to my house. She said, "Where are your parents?" I started crying.
Q: How tall was Hitler's grass? A: *Hitler salute* about this high!
I am crying tears of joy rn.😭 I was wrongfully denied my visa. ☠️ They took me to the Q&A section, that I needed to answer one simple question for my visa to be granted.
The question was the original synonym of Bench. I shakily answered "Pristiano Penaldo" 😭. I was right guys ✅🛫
Today, I was at the Apple Store when I saw that a lot of phones were broken. When I looked around, I saw none other than Pristiano Penaldo smashing all the phones. He said he was mad because he ghosted vs a relegation team. Shame on you, Penaldo!
What is a leaf mixed with mud called? Ligma.
Ligma balls!
What's the difference between an orphan and a second-hand book?
The second-hand book was loved once.
Why do orphans look so ugly?
Because they have a face not even a mother could love.
Why can't a homeless person be in "The Boys?"
Because he would have beef with Homelander.
A father bought his depressed son a new house, and then pointing at it, he said, "Hang in there, son!"
I want a relationship.
*Masturbates*
I don't want a relationship.
Me: Dark humor jokes are like a mother's love.
Orphan: How come?
Me: You wouldn't get it.
Orphan: . . . .
Found this girl in Hawaii.
Put a stick up her ass and she said, "Ayi."
I would've made a joke about Alzheimer's, too bad I forgot about it...
If Shaquille O’Neal had a boat, he would’ve named it Freethrow, because he will never sink it.
What's the worst thing to happen to a Japanese person in WW2... being drafted as a kamikaze pilot, or existing with a Fat Man or Little Boy?
Why do people misplace 9/11 with emo kids? They both have a high death count.
Why did the cheetah get kicked out of poker?
'Cause he was a cheetah.
James Bond: Vodka martini.
Bartender: Shaken, not stirred.
James Bond: Do I look like I give a damn?
I have a better method of abortion than currently used. It's like a regular one, except you can get free food out of it... We're about to give baby-back ribs a whole new meaning.