What’s the opposite of an exorcism? It’s when Satan has to tell the priest to come out of the child.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
God: ok so I created adults. And I created how they are supposed to look like from being born to preteen. Satan:(slides in) I’ll take over for you pops. God: I dunno....this is very delicate work. Just one wrong thing can ruin the system. Satan: don’t worry your beard off! (Pats his back) I’ll just do the ages from 12 to 18! God: Hmm...I’m still not-(Gets a call on his phone) shoot I got to take this. (Answers call) don’t touch anything Lucifer! (Walks away) Satan:.......(just touches lightly and alarms start blaring. He squeaks and runs away) God:(rushes in) WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?!?! God:(tries fixing problems. Only gets alarms off) fuck me........ God:....(sighs) fine it’ll stay. We’ll just call it....puberty
Satanism is such an ugly word. I prefer the term,"red skin appreciation".
So, Satan is in the delivery room having a child. Soon, a feathered creature comes out. "Doctor," say Satan. "What is it?" The doctor sighs. "Well, it's not a boy, and it's not a girl." Satan looks frustrated. "THEN WHAT IS IT?!?!?" The doctor looks up. "It's a goose."
"Amen "Amen" "Amen"
Hail satan.
.............
Oh sorry I forgot which religion I was pretending to respect.
jesus and satan are just basically homer and flanders. one tries to help the other, only for satan to just say "shut up".
I have a huge thought, if s@tan punishes people who are bad, doesn't that make him good.
satan and the devil are alter egos
Two Canadians die and end up in Hell. Satan decides to pay them a visit, so he walks into their room and sees them talking and laughing. Confused, he asks them why they're happy. They tell him, "Well, we're so sick of the cold where we're from, and this place is nice and toasty."
Satan, annoyed, storms away and goes to Hell's boiler room, where he turns up the temperature.
He goes back to the Canadians' room, along the way being begged by all sorts of people to put the heating back down. He enters the room to see the Canadians having a barbecue. Furiously, he asks them what they're doing.
"Well, we can't pass up this wonderful weather without getting out the barbecue!"
Satan realizes he's been doing the wrong thing. He goes to the boiler room and turns it down until it's at a colder temperature than ever seen on earth.
He knows he's won now, so he goes back to the Canadians' room, only to see them jumping up and down in excitement.
He shouts at them in fury, "WHY ARE YOU STILL HAPPY?!?!?!"
They look at him and shout at the same time, "Hell froze over! That means the Leafs won!"
My daughter has been writing letters asking Satan for gifts. Imagine my shock when I realized she has dyslexia.
i'ts best not to say hail satan because he can't control the weather!
if satan is the devil, he's pretty sus.
Jesus saved me from eternal fate. But I didn't want to get saved I was about to fight Satan on Final Destination before facing and kicking God's ass.
Q: What do Satan and a priest have n common?
A: They both love naughty souls
Why does Satan worship himself?
Jesus told him to worship God.
i made a deal with satan. i would get a free pass to hell, if i serve as a demon lord. so, see you guys at the end of times!
What is Satan's way to go to places, a helicopter
Q: What do Satan and a priest have in common?
A: They both want Anthony's neck
yo mama so karen that when she went to hell she asked satan for the manager.
