Mum Jokes

demon queen
in Horror

horror movies don’t scare me. 5 missed calls from my mum scares me.

get up you lazy a s s
in Roast

my mum told me to take out the trash but i couldn’t find you

Edgelord 3000

I asked my mum why she’s depressed, she said her life has been a wreck? I asked how long has it been, she then asked when I was born

prick
in Puns

i told my mum the refrigerator was running so she got dressed and ran after it…

4
Anonymous

what does your mum and istanbul have in common?

they are all insane comebacks!!!

Anonymous
in Orphan

An orphan walks into a supermarket, gets lost calls for his mum then remembers

2
Someone

Kid: Are you gay? Me: No im straighter than the pole your mom dances on.

Tenya Bailey
in Love

Father : “That’s great son. Who is she?”

Son: “It’s Tina, the neighbor’s daughter”.

Father : “Ohhh I wish you hadn’t said that.I have to tell u something son, but you must promise not to tell your mother.Tina is actually your sister.”

The boy is naturally bummed out, but a couple of months later

Son : “Daddy, I fell in love again and she is even hotter!”

Father : “That’s great son. Who is she?”

Son: “It’s Peny, the other neighbor’s daughter.”

Father : “Ohhhh I wish you hadn’t said that. Peny is also your sister.”

This went on couple of times and the son was so mad,he went straight to his mother crying.

Son : “Mum I am so mad at dad ! I fell in love with six girls but I can’t date any of them because daddy is their father!”

The mother hugs him affectionately and says:

“My love, you can date whoever you want. Don’t listen to him. He is not your Father.”!!!

Alwaysfunny14

The teacher asked,"why are you in school on a saturday?" I told her my mum told me to go to hell.

2
F...HandsMcFestive
in Baby

My mum told me to stop playing with my sister; she said at least wait for her to be born first.

2
Anonymous321

My mom told me that she got a new job & I don’t have to leave the house. Then my mom told all my customers are the men that live in our neighborhood Then I ask what is your job call. My mom said job hand, then I said job and or is hand job . My mom said yeah that it. My mom said I;m good at my job that why all the males are always knocking at the door.

Just call me..............

I was making sandcastles with my Nan then my mum came in the room and took away the urn.

Hangy Boi

Me: Want to hear a joke? Friend: Sure Me: When my Mum and Dad said they loved me. Friend: What’s funny about that? Me: Because the next day they disowned me.

0
Anonymous
in Sadness

today my idiot brother screamed"ahhhhh im dead!’ but it wasn’t really, so i d3cded to make it a reality until my sister came…

AND HELPED ME! - for once but then two minutes later my mom showed up, we k!lled him right infront of her and she screamed! "DONUTS AND PIZZA FOR YPU AND MORE IF YOU GO TO MRS ROBERTS HOUSE AND SAY HI AND BYE TO DADDY!!! and she hands us both a sharp tool and i say what about tommy!!! arn’t u MAD!!! then she replied who’s THAT??? COZ HE AINT MINE HIS NAME IS TOMMY, TOMMY ROBERTS. so then me and my sister visit mrs ROBERTS AND SHE SAID OH THIS ISN’T ANYTHING IMPORTANT GO HOME! so then my sister nd i say hi! and do a countdount aftr that my nike white jumper had turned red! IT WAS A MUCH BETTER COLOUR , MUM SEEMED TO APROVE AS WELL!😊😊😊 but then the police question us where daddy was so then mom said… oh he’s moved on! so then the police officer was like ahem ma’m where! SO THEN I BELLOWED… UP - UR -A##. And we got let off the hook, then we moved oh and we k!lled the cop 2 and oh did i meantion we HAD a maid, and a landlord and a cat but they were all 2 annoying so we got rid of them and now our new backyard is very smellyyy and i dont think there is enoff space to put muummy anymore so now i dont think sissy will fit either🧐 i will ask my neibour nessy she’ll obviously say YES or ill…

ok like for part two☺☺☺

Done

When I was 14 my mum caught me wanking and she slapped me across the face a couple weeks later my dad caught me having a beer and he made me drink 40 beers and I just thought we’ll I’m glad he didn’t catch me wanking

Anonymous
in Orphan

Why is it so easy to bully an orphan. What are they gonna do tell there mum

RoastMaster
in Roast

your mum is so ugly that when she went to rob a bank they had too turn the cameras off

rain drops
in Little Johnny

Little johnnys teacher asks him “Johnny ,do you pray before you eat?” little johnny says "I dont need to, my mum makes good food.

Anonymous
in Orphan

orphan jokes are like families, not everyone gets em. ( also I banged ya mum ;) )

9
Little Johnny
in Little Johnny

Little Johnny is watching his mum rubbing cold cream on her face and he asks her “why are you rubbing that stuff on your face mother?” His mother replies “to make myself beautiful Johnny.” A few minutes later she starts rubbing the cream off with a tissue. Johnny says to her “What is the matter? Are you giving up?”