horror movies don’t scare me. 5 missed calls from my mum scares me.

i told my mum the refrigerator was running so she got dressed and ran after it…

my mum told me to take out the trash but i couldn’t find you

An orphan walks into a supermarket, gets lost calls for his mum then remembers

I asked my mum why she’s depressed, she said her life has been a wreck? I asked how long has it been, she then asked when I was born

what does your mum and istanbul have in common?

they are all insane comebacks!!!

Kid: Are you gay? Me: No im straighter than the pole your mom dances on.

today my idiot brother screamed"ahhhhh im dead!’ but it wasn’t really, so i d3cded to make it a reality until my sister came…

AND HELPED ME! - for once but then two minutes later my mom showed up, we k!lled him right infront of her and she screamed! "DONUTS AND PIZZA FOR YPU AND MORE IF YOU GO TO MRS ROBERTS HOUSE AND SAY HI AND BYE TO DADDY!!! and she hands us both a sharp tool and i say what about tommy!!! arn’t u MAD!!! then she replied who’s THAT??? COZ HE AINT MINE HIS NAME IS TOMMY, TOMMY ROBERTS. so then me and my sister visit mrs ROBERTS AND SHE SAID OH THIS ISN’T ANYTHING IMPORTANT GO HOME! so then my sister nd i say hi! and do a countdount aftr that my nike white jumper had turned red! IT WAS A MUCH BETTER COLOUR , MUM SEEMED TO APROVE AS WELL!😊😊😊 but then the police question us where daddy was so then mom said… oh he’s moved on! so then the police officer was like ahem ma’m where! SO THEN I BELLOWED… UP - UR -A##. And we got let off the hook, then we moved oh and we k!lled the cop 2 and oh did i meantion we HAD a maid, and a landlord and a cat but they were all 2 annoying so we got rid of them and now our new backyard is very smellyyy and i dont think there is enoff space to put muummy anymore so now i dont think sissy will fit either🧐 i will ask my neibour nessy she’ll obviously say YES or ill…

ok like for part two☺☺☺

My mum told me to stop playing with my sister; she said at least wait for her to be born first.

The teacher asked,"why are you in school on a saturday?" I told her my mum told me to go to hell.

My mom told me that she got a new job & I don’t have to leave the house. Then my mom told all my customers are the men that live in our neighborhood Then I ask what is your job call. My mom said job hand, then I said job and or is hand job . My mom said yeah that it. My mom said I;m good at my job that why all the males are always knocking at the door.

Me: Want to hear a joke? Friend: Sure Me: When my Mum and Dad said they loved me. Friend: What’s funny about that? Me: Because the next day they disowned me.

orphan jokes are like families, not everyone gets em. ( also I banged ya mum ;) )

I was making sandcastles with my Nan then my mum came in the room and took away the urn.

Why is it so easy to bully an orphan. What are they gonna do tell there mum

yo mama is soo stupid, because when see gave birth to you she asked for a receipt!

Your mum is so smart but she still can’t figure why she had you

Yesterday I was fucking my sister and she said’ you fuck a lot like dad I said “really mum said that too.”

Today is the day of 9/11 and we were in class making jokes and somebody said that’s sad and I was like why and they said “ today is the day the towers went down” and I said just like I did on you mum last night

I asked my mum to be in the Paralympics and she said i had to eat more vegetables