Movie

demon queen

horror movies don’t scare me. 5 missed calls from my mum scares me.

Puns

prick

i told my mum the refrigerator was running so she got dressed and ran after it…

4

Common

Anonymous

what does your mum and istanbul have in common?

they are all insane comebacks!!!

Depression

Edgelord 3000

I asked my mum why she’s depressed, she said her life has been a wreck? I asked how long has it been, she then asked when I was born

Roast

get up you lazy a s s

my mum told me to take out the trash but i couldn’t find you

Orphan

Anonymous

An orphan walks into a supermarket, gets lost calls for his mum then remembers

2

Kid

Someone

Kid: Are you gay? Me: No im straighter than the pole your mom dances on.

Hell

Alwaysfunny14

The teacher asked,"why are you in school on a saturday?" I told her my mum told me to go to hell.

Sister

Anonymous

today my idiot brother screamed"ahhhhh im dead!’ but it wasn’t really, so i d3cded to make it a reality until my sister came…

AND HELPED ME! - for once but then two minutes later my mom showed up, we k!lled him right infront of her and she screamed! "DONUTS AND PIZZA FOR YPU AND MORE IF YOU GO TO MRS ROBERTS HOUSE AND SAY HI AND BYE TO DADDY!!! and she hands us both a sharp tool and i say what about tommy!!! arn’t u MAD!!! then she replied who’s THAT??? COZ HE AINT MINE HIS NAME IS TOMMY, TOMMY ROBERTS. so then me and my sister visit mrs ROBERTS AND SHE SAID OH THIS ISN’T ANYTHING IMPORTANT GO HOME! so then my sister nd i say hi! and do a countdount aftr that my nike white jumper had turned red! IT WAS A MUCH BETTER COLOUR , MUM SEEMED TO APROVE AS WELL!😊😊😊 but then the police question us where daddy was so then mom said… oh he’s moved on! so then the police officer was like ahem ma’m where! SO THEN I BELLOWED… UP - UR -A##. And we got let off the hook, then we moved oh and we k!lled the cop 2 and oh did i meantion we HAD a maid, and a landlord and a cat but they were all 2 annoying so we got rid of them and now our new backyard is very smellyyy and i dont think there is enoff space to put muummy anymore so now i dont think sissy will fit either🧐 i will ask my neibour nessy she’ll obviously say YES or ill…

ok like for part two☺☺☺

Sister

F...HandsMcFestive

My mum told me to stop playing with my sister; she said at least wait for her to be born first.

2

Hand

Anonymous321

My mom told me that she got a new job & I don’t have to leave the house. Then my mom told all my customers are the men that live in our neighborhood Then I ask what is your job call. My mom said job hand, then I said job and or is hand job . My mom said yeah that it. My mom said I;m good at my job that why all the males are always knocking at the door.

Dad

Hangy Boi

Me: Want to hear a joke? Friend: Sure Me: When my Mum and Dad said they loved me. Friend: What’s funny about that? Me: Because the next day they disowned me.

0

Sister

Tenya Bailey

Father : “That’s great son. Who is she?”

Son: “It’s Tina, the neighbor’s daughter”.

Father : “Ohhh I wish you hadn’t said that.I have to tell u something son, but you must promise not to tell your mother.Tina is actually your sister.”

The boy is naturally bummed out, but a couple of months later

Son : “Daddy, I fell in love again and she is even hotter!”

Father : “That’s great son. Who is she?”

Son: “It’s Peny, the other neighbor’s daughter.”

Father : “Ohhhh I wish you hadn’t said that. Peny is also your sister.”

This went on couple of times and the son was so mad,he went straight to his mother crying.

Son : “Mum I am so mad at dad ! I fell in love with six girls but I can’t date any of them because daddy is their father!”

The mother hugs him affectionately and says:

“My love, you can date whoever you want. Don’t listen to him. He is not your Father.”!!!

Make

Just call me..............

I was making sandcastles with my Nan then my mum came in the room and took away the urn.

Face

Done

When I was 14 my mum caught me wanking and she slapped me across the face a couple weeks later my dad caught me having a beer and he made me drink 40 beers and I just thought we’ll I’m glad he didn’t catch me wanking

Orphan

Anonymous

orphan jokes are like families, not everyone gets em. ( also I banged ya mum ;) )

8

Michael Jackson

The teacher asked a young boy in primary school “Can you tell me the alphabet?”

To which the boy replies “No”

The teacher then sets his homework to learn the alphabet.

At home, the boy goes up to his mum, who is on the phone, and asks “Can you tell me the alphabet?”

“Shut up” she replied

The boy goes to his dad, who just won the footie match, and asks “Can you teach me the alphabet?”

But the dad is too busy celebrating and shouting “Hell yeah! Hell yeah! Yeaaahh!”

The boy goes to his big brother and asks him to teach him the alphabet.

But his brother is singing “I’m Michael Jackson, I’m Michael Jackson!”

The boy goes to his sister and asks her for the alphabet.

But his sister is singing “In my big red car, in my big red car!”

The next day the teacher asks him the alphabet.

The boy replies “Shut up.”

“Alright, I’m sending you to the principal’s office right now.”

The boy replies “Hell yeah! Hell yeah! Yeaaahh!”

In the office, the principal says “who do you think you are?”

The boy replies “I’m Michael Jackson, I’m Michael Jackson!”

The principal now says “how do you think you’ll get away with this?”

The boy them replies “In my big red car, in my big red car!”

Street

Anonymous

Two brothers play on the street, one of them finds a condom on the ground. Not knowing what it is they go to their mum and asks what it is that they found. Mum gets mad and yells to throw that away immediately. Guys go back to the yard surprised why their mum got mad for just latex. One of them says: why did mum got so angry, the other: i have no idea thankfully we did not tell her that we’ve eaten the yogurt inside.

Little Johnny

Little Johnny

Little Johnny is watching his mum rubbing cold cream on her face and he asks her “why are you rubbing that stuff on your face mother?” His mother replies “to make myself beautiful Johnny.” A few minutes later she starts rubbing the cream off with a tissue. Johnny says to her “What is the matter? Are you giving up?”

Orphan

Anonymous

Why is it so easy to bully an orphan. What are they gonna do tell there mum