The 200+ Best Pet Jokes

how do you pet a psychopaths cat?

you get it out of the microwave

There once was a brother and a sister so one night it's storming really bad and the sister goes into the brothers room and asks " can I stay with you tonight because I'm scared" the brother replies with " yea sure but just don't tell Mom" so the girl climbs into the bed and looks under the sheets to see the boys penis and asks "what's that?" And the boy replies with "that's my pet snake" and the girl asks "can I pet it?" And the boy says "sure just don't tell Mom" and the boy falls asleep and wakes up in a hospital and asks "what happened" and the girl said "I pet the snake but it spit on me so I bit it's head off"

I had to take my pet octopus to the vet yesterday. Oh, don't worry, he's okay now. But the vet charged me six quid.

Very sad today found my pet mouse ' Elvis ' dead this morning, he was caught in a trap .

One day my pet bark at me and so I got scared anWas my dad actually it was weird you should’ve saw him and so the goes on in the day because he likes to run around The house that he likes to do it out 😂😂😂😂😱

what was Steven hawking pet?

a hawk.

What did the bounty hunter call his favourite dog. His bobba pet

I wanted to visit my pet fish, but it was hard to sea it through the darkness (?)

My girlfriend’s dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. It just made her more upset. She screamed at me, “What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?”

I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping up onions which made me cry.

Onions was a good dog.

I named my dog 5-Miles, so now I tell people, "I walk 5-Miles every day."

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

I have a fish that can breakdance only for 20 seconds and he can only do it once

As a little boy I walked in on my parents having intercourse one night, and of course, my parents stopped and sent me back to bed.

The next day my dad tells me "Don't worry son, I wasn't hurting mommy, we were just trying to make you a little sister."

So, when I was young I always wanted a pet. I then looked at my father and asked "Could you do mommy doggy style next time? I want a puppy."

Where did the cat go when it lost it's tail? -- To the retail store!

god creating cats GOD:make the most fluffy cute thing you can think of ANGEL:ok.......................................anything else GOD:YES PUT RAZOR BLADES ON ITS FEET!!!!!!!!