Pet jokes
What do you call a house with dog hair?
A shed.
I cried when my dad cut up onions. Onions was a good dog.
How are infants and chocolate alike? They'll both kill your dog.
Q: How are Asians like a box of chocolates?
A: Either way they'll kill your dog.
What did the dog say to the other dog?
My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, finally I had to take his bike away.
I went to the zoo the other day and it only had one dog... yeah, it was a shih tzu.
My dog is pregnant. I'm gonna be a... I don't know?
Ohhh, an owner.
How do you measure a dog's temperature?
In barking grade!
What do you call a dog with no legs?
A: It doesn’t matter; it won’t come anyway.
What do you call a dog that is part pug, part poodle, and part cup?
A muggle! 🤠🤠🤠🤠🥴
My friend went to the zoo yesterday. There was only one dog in a crate.
He said it was a Shitzoo!
How do you pet a psychopath's cat?
You get it out of the microwave.
There were three cats. The first cat said, "Meow." The second cat said, "Meow." The third cat said, "Meow meow." Then the first cat said, "Don't change the subject!"
My mom told me that my friend Paul is coming over, and he is going to sleep over, so I was happy.
The next day, I ask my mom, "Where's the dog?" My mom asks me, "What dog?"
Then I said to my mom, "I heard Paul say, 'Do you want it doggy?' and you said 'Yeah.'"
You got a black cat.
He was bad luck.
Everyone left you and you committed suicide.
What a CATastrophe!
- What do you call a dog that can do magic?
- A labracadabrador.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
Ground beef.
What do you get when you are hungry? A dog to eat.
What's a rapper's favorite kind of pet?
A boomboxer.