how do you pet a psychopaths cat?
you get it out of the microwave
My girlfriend’s dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. It just made her more upset. She screamed at me, “What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?”
I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping up onions which made me cry.
Onions was a good dog.
I named my dog 5-Miles, so now I tell people, "I walk 5-Miles every day."
I have a fish that can breakdance only for 20 seconds and he can only do it once
Where did the cat go when it lost it's tail? -- To the retail store!
god creating cats GOD:make the most fluffy cute thing you can think of ANGEL:ok.......................................anything else GOD:YES PUT RAZOR BLADES ON ITS FEET!!!!!!!!
Q: how do you know when an asian broke into your house?
A: you can ́t find your dog.
One mans pet is another mans dinner - McNasty
Why did Helen Kellers dog run away, you'd run too if your name was dgergbbfdnbj
my dog is pregnant i’m a be a ... i don’t know?
oohh a owner
I was reading a book about an immortal dog yesterday...
It was impossible to put down
How does a blind person know when a skydive has finished.
The dog lead went slack
I named my horse Mayo.
Mayo neighs.
billie: hi
me: you wanna hear a story?
billie: yes sure
me: once upon a time, i ran over your dog last night.
what do you call a dog with no legs? It dosent matter what you call him,he isnt coming.
What's the best part of working at an abortion clinic?
Free dog food.
whats the diffrence between a dog and a dad ? The dog comes back
I went to the zoo the other day. The only animal there was a dog. It was a Shih-tzu (shit zoo).
Q: How are Asians like a box of chocolates?
A: Either way they'll kill your dog
