Pet jokes

Whenever I see a dog video, I just take a second to press paws.

I asked my dog this morning how her week's been going--she said "ruff." I feel her, you know? I feel her.

One day my pet barked at me and so I got scared and was my dad actually. It was weird, you should’ve saw him and so the day goes on because he likes to run around the house that he likes to do it out 😂😂😂😂😱

What did the bounty hunter call his favorite dog?

His Boba Pet.

My cat got in a fight. It was a catastrophe.

A man walks into a zoo. The only animal was a dog.

It was a shih tzu.

I had to take my pet octopus to the vet yesterday.

Oh, don't worry, he's okay now.

But the vet charged me six quid.

I had a dog with an eating disorder.

He wouldn’t eat any of my homework.

What was Stephen Hawking's pet?

A hawk.

If a cat or a dog plays Among Us, it will wanna be the impawstor.

There once was a brother and a sister. So, one night, it's storming really bad and the sister goes into the brother's room and asks, "Can I stay with you tonight because I'm scared?" The brother replies with, "Yeah, sure, but just don't tell Mom." So the girl climbs into the bed and looks under the sheets to see the boy's penis and asks, "What's that?" And the boy replies with, "That's my pet snake." And the girl asks, "Can I pet it?" And the boy says, "Sure, just don't tell Mom." And the boy falls asleep and wakes up in a hospital and asks, "What happened?" And the girl said, "I pet the snake but it spit on me so I bit its head off."

I wanted to visit my pet fish, but it was hard to sea it through the darkness.

What’s the difference between a cat and a frog?

A cat has nine lives, and a frog croaks every day.

What do you call a house with dog hair?

A shed.

I started crying when Dad started cutting onions.

Onions was a good dog.

I like tortles.

My local pet store sells prong collars to get dogs to behave.

But when I tried them on an Alzheimer's patient, I got fired from the nursing home.

I started crying when Dad was chopping onions.

Onions was a good dog.

I used to have a friend who worked at a car shop who liked hunting.

I’m not friends with him anymore because he turned my dog into a car-pet.

Very sad today. Found my pet mouse "Elvis" dead this morning. He was caught in a trap.