What do you call your daughter's boyfriend when he brings her back past 10pm?
An ambulance.
911, what's your emergency?
Me: My grandma just passed out in the living room and I think she's dead.
Well, it's not a living room anymore.
Me: Hangs up.
A priest is struck by lightning and lays hurt on the ground.
When medical crew arrives he denies them, saying, "God will surely save me!"
The medical team tries to help him, but he keeps struggling and eventually dies.
Later in the afterlife, he screams at God, saying, "Why didn't you save me? Am I not dear to you?"
God answered, "B****, I sent you a f***ing ambulance and you denied it!"
Sam is a kindergartener. One day, Sam’s teacher told him to learn the first few letters of the alphabet. Later that night, Sam asked his moody sister what the first letter of the alphabet was, and she replied with “Oh, what’s the point. Life is meaningless...”.
Sam then went up to his room and found his brother crying on the floor. Sam asked him what the next letter was. “I hate you!” said Sam’s brother, so Sam left the room. Sam went to his mom and asked her what the third letter was. “You stupid f*****,” his mom yelled at him. So Sam went to ask his Grandpa what the fourth letter is, and his grandpa didn’t reply, so Sam went to bed.
The next day, Sam’s teacher called on him to tell the class what the first letter is, and he answered with “Oh, what’s the point. Life is meaningless...” and the teacher sent him to the school counselor. As he left the room, he yelled at his teacher “I hate you!”
As Sam arrived at the counselor’s office, she said she had called his parents and they wanted him to be safe and locked up in a padded cell. “You stupid f*****,” Sam screamed as he heard the ambulance sirens getting nearer. As the ambulance drove away, Sam, in his straight jacket, was silent.
When Stephen Hawking falls, who does he call, the ambulance or the technician?
Q. what do you call a CEO that's been shot in the head? A. An ambulance.
"FUCK IT HURTS SO BAD PLEASE SEND AN AMBULANCE I CAN'T BREATHE (I am Paul Walker btw)"
I saw a guy beat his girlfriend to a pulp after his girlfriend threw a phone in his face. I offered to call an ambulance, but he said he was fine.
"911, I just crashed my car. I think it's burning. I can't see. It hurts to breathe."