Aed jokes

My new girlfriend is a porn star. She would probably kill me if she found out.

Little Johnny was sitting in class, and he was behind a girl called Sally. The teacher asks the class, "Who created the Earth?" And Little Johnny pokes Sally in the back with his sharpened pencil, and she jumps and says, "MY GOD!" And the teacher says, "Yes, Sally, God did create the Earth." Sally sits down.

Then, the teacher asks, "Where do you go after you live a good life?" and Little Johnny pokes Sally again, and she jumps up and says, "HEAVENS TO BETSY!" And the teacher says, "Yes Sally. You will go to heaven after you live a good life." Sally sits down, knowing full well Little Johnny was poking her. Sally gave Little Johnny an angry glare, and she turns around.

And then, the teacher asks the class, "What did Eve say to Adam after their 77th child?" and Little Johnny pokes Sally HARDER this time in the back, and Sally jumps, turns around and says, "If you stick that thing in me one more time, I swear I'm gonna lose it!" And the teacher faints.

Why are there a lot of whites in hockey?

It’s the only other job that involves beating something black other than being a cop.

I got kicked out of the school library for placing a women's rights book in the fiction section.

I threw a Asian down some stairs. It was Wong on so many levels.

I was in the corner shop and the Indian woman was sporting a red dot on her forehead. I scratched it off and won a fucking Ford Focus!

My wife told me to pass her lip stick, but I gave her a glue stick. Now she is not talking to me.

What's the difference between a hamster and a cigarette?

They're both harmless until you stick them in your mouth and light them on fire.

Don't mistake my silence for weakness. No one plans a murder out loud.

Chuck Norris once put a plastic bag on his head, and the bag suffocated to death.

Yesterday, a guy threw a liter of milk at me.

How dairy!

What is burned dark and glued to the wall?

A bad electrician.

Son - Dad, I've been expelled from school for having sex with a girl in my class.

Dad - Son, that's the 2nd school this year! Maybe teaching isn't for you!

When a midget smokes weed, do they get high or medium?

If a man drove over a woman, whose fault was it?

The man, because he shouldn't be driving in the kitchen.

What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with boobs?

One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.

What is a pirate's favorite letter?

You'd think it'd be R, but really his heart will always belong to the C.

Yo' mama is so fat, her cereal bowl comes with a lifeguard.

The person who made it a law to not hurt girls is stupid because we've all kicked a pregnant woman before we were even born.

A guy walks into a bar with a 44 magnum and says, "Who the fuck's been fucking my wife?" The room goes silent. The guy in the back finishes his beer and says, "You ain't got enough bullets."