Library jokes
A man walks into a library and asks for books about paranoia.
The librarian whispers, "They're right behind you!"
I got kicked out of the school library for placing a women's rights book in the fiction section.
A woman walks into a library and asks if they have any books about paranoia. The librarian says, "They're right behind you!"
A man walks into the library. “Hello ma’am, I’d like to borrow a book about committing suicide.” The librarian replies, “No, you won’t give it back.”
A man walks into a library and says to the librarian, "Do you have that book for men with small penises?" The librarian looks on her computer and says, "I don't know if it's in yet." "Yeah, that's the one!"
My junk was in the book of world records until I got kicked out of the library.
— Can I borrow a book [on] how to kill myself?
— Librarian: No, because you won’t bring it back.
There was a dino at the library today. It was reading a thesaurus.
Make him read a book.
Why did the rapper get kicked out of the library?
Because he was too loud with his FLOW.
A buddy and I checked out some books from a local library. When we returned them, he said, "Your sister works the returns, right?" I told him, "Yes, she does, and she will be here in about five minutes." He said, "Why don’t we put a cookbook in the women’s sports section?" I told him, "I love it!" So I picked out a Reese Witherspoon book.
A man walks into a library.
Man: "Hello ma'am, do you know where I can find a book on suicide?"
Librarian: "Do you know about our return policy?"
Suicidal Man: ...
Librarian: ...
The Woman checking out a book: "WHAT THE FUCK?"
At the library, I got in trouble for putting a cooking book in the women's section.
Why are people mad at me? All I did was tell the truth and put the Bible in the fiction section of the library.
"Immobile" means "I'm mobile" in my books.
They put the woman's rights in the fantasy section in the library.
A man went into a library to get a book on how to commit suicide.
The librarian said, "No, you won't bring it back."
Me: Hey, that's a really heavy bag, do you have a lot of books and magazines in there?
The Quiet Kid: Yeah, magazines.....
Why did Kamala Harris visit the library?
To check out some “law” books and maybe return a few skeletons.
What do you do when you run out of lines on your book?
You look at the emo girl and say, "Hey, can I borrow your arm?"