Library jokes
I got kicked out of the school library for placing a women's rights book in the fiction section.
A man walks into the library. “Hello ma’am, I’d like to borrow a book about committing suicide.” The librarian replies, “No, you won’t give it back.”
A man walks into a library and says to the librarian, "Do you have that book for men with small penises?"
The librarian looks on her computer and says, "I don't know if it's in yet."
"Yeah, that's the one!"
A buddy and I checked out some books from a local library. When we returned them, he said, "Your sister works the returns, right?" I told him, "Yes, she does, and she will be here in about five minutes." He said, "Why don’t we put a cookbook in the women’s sports section?" I told him, "I love it!" So I picked out a Reese Witherspoon book.
My penis was in the Guinness Book of World Records. -- Then the librarian told me to take it out.
9/11 victims are the best readers.
They went through hundreds of stories in a few seconds.
So, I just got kicked out of the orphanage library for putting a book about parents in the fiction section.
Why did the library book go to the doctor?
It needed to be checked out.
My friend was a victim of a school shooting once, but he couldn't tell if they were in the library because of the suppressor on his AR.
What is the tallest building?
A library 📚
It has the most stories.
I was in a library and a black guy came up to me.
"Where's the coloured printer?" he said.
"Mate, it's 2025, you can use any printer you want," I replied.
My cock was in the book of world records...
The librarian told me to take it out.
My dick was in the book of world records.
But then the librarian asked me to take it out.
A man goes to the library to find the best book about committing suicide. So when he asks the librarian, "What's the best book on committing suicide?" The librarian said, "Oh, fuck off...you won't bring it back anyway."
Book on Michael Jackson: Issued black; returned white.
Me: (pointing up in the air) "Everybody listen up, this is a robbery!"
Girl: "Dude, this is a library."
Me: "Oh." (screwing on a silencer)
I got a job at a library once. I got fired like an hour in because the library manager said that the cookbooks didn’t go into the women’s sports section.
What's the difference between a boring teacher and a boring book?
You can shut the book up.
What is the difference between a book and a Mexican?
One has papers.
Me: Hey, that's a really heavy bag, do you have a lot of books and magazines in there?
The Quiet Kid: Yeah, magazines.....