Library jokes
A buddy and I checked out some books from a local library. When we returned them, he said, "Your sister works the returns, right?" I told him, "Yes, she does, and she will be here in about five minutes." He said, "Why don’t we put a cookbook in the women’s sports section?" I told him, "I love it!" So I picked out a Reese Witherspoon book.
I got kicked out of the school library for placing a women's rights book in the fiction section.
A man walks into the library. “Hello ma’am, I’d like to borrow a book about committing suicide.” The librarian replies, “No, you won’t give it back.”
A man walks into a library and says to the librarian, "Do you have that book for men with small penises?"
The librarian looks on her computer and says, "I don't know if it's in yet."
"Yeah, that's the one!"
I asked the librarian if they had any books on anxiety.
She replied with, "Won't you worry a lot about returning it late?"
Why is it that the Libertarian Party never had a formal president of the United States that ran as a Libertarian that had a presidential library?
Because the Libertarian Party is the party of principle. The Libertarian Party was founded in 1971 and the Libertarian Party has not won a presidential election since 1972, because the Libertarian Party doesn't believe in using force to achieve political and social goals.
A woman walks into a library and asks if they have any books about paranoia. The librarian says, "They're right behind you!"
This guy came into my library a year ago and borrowed a book named "How to Commit Suicide." He never returned it.
I got fired from the library in the first 30 minutes because I "womens rights" in the sci-fi fiction section.
A man walks into a library and asks for books about paranoia.
The librarian whispers, "They're right behind you!"
The kids at Robb Elementary School went in to read books. Instead, they got dozens of magazines.
Q: Who are the fastest readers in the world?
A: The 9/11 victims. They went through 20 stories in seconds.
I had to run out of the library because I put the cookbooks in the women's sports section.
Man 1: I-I ran my mom over to get a stupid book.
Man 2: Aww, books aren't that bad. I'm sure she thinks you're a great son considering she can't drive anymore.
Man 1: She was in the road, and I was rushing to get the last copy of this book. She can't drive or do anything anymore.
A guy entered a library and wanted to get some books to read. He was searching across the books, and the librarian asked him,
Librarian: What are you looking for?
Man: I am looking for a book!
Librarian: Which book?
Man: Facebook.
What's the difference between an orphan and a second-hand book?
The second-hand book was loved once.
What do you call a rapper who LOVES to read?
50 Cents of Gray.
I just got a job at the prison library.
It has its prose and cons.
I got a job at a library. I got fired after 15 minutes. They told me it was because I put women's rights in the fiction section.
I told my brother if he wanted to have a wonderful first day of school, then he should put a cookbook in the women's sports section at the school library.