Aed jokes
What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with boobs?
One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.
What is a pirate's favorite letter?
You'd think it'd be R, but really his heart will always belong to the C.
Yo' mama is so fat, her cereal bowl comes with a lifeguard.
What is it called when an orphan takes a selfie?
A family photo.
The person who made it a law to not hurt girls is stupid because we've all kicked a pregnant woman before we were even born.
A guy walks into a bar with a 44 magnum and says, "Who the fuck's been fucking my wife?" The room goes silent. The guy in the back finishes his beer and says, "You ain't got enough bullets."
When an emo kid jumps out of a tree, what happens when he hits the ground?
Nothin' much, he just flops over an hour later when they untie the rope.
Yesterday I was fucking my sister, and she said, "You fuck a lot like dad." I said, "Really? Mum said that too."
A man walks into a bar and notices a steak hanging from the ceiling. When he asks the bartender about it, the bartender says, "If you can jump up and hit it, drinks are on the house for the night, but if you miss, everyone's drinks are on your tab for the next two hours. Do you want to try?" The man decided not to take the risk. He thought the steaks were too high.
Q: What's an orphan's favorite part of a website?
A: The homepage.
A mosquito with a Mario hat on flies on you saying, "It's-a me, Malario!"
Your mama's so fat, scientists found a new planet called Heranus.
So, a daughter asks her father, "Dad, what is your opinion on abortions?" Her father says, "Why don't you ask your sister?" The daughter responds, "But I don't have a sister... Oh."
If Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump are in a boat and it capsizes. Who survives? -- America.
Jim's car is swerving all over the road, so a cop pulls him over. "Step out of the car," says the cop. "I am going to need you to take a breathalyzer test." "I can't," Jim responds. "You see, I have very bad asthma, that can set off an attack." "Alright," says the cop, "then you're going to have to take a blood test." "Can't do that either," Jim responds. "I am a hemophiliac, if a wound is opened, I won't stop bleeding, and I could bleed to death." "Ok," the cop answers, "then I will need a urine sample." "Sorry," says Jim, "I also have diabetes, that could push my sugar count really low." "Fine, so just come on out, and walk a straight line for me." "Can't do that either," responds Jim. "Why not?" demanded the exasperated cop. "Well, because I'm drunk!"
What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? -- One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.
Q: What’s the difference between Usain Bolt and Adolf Hitler?
A: One got to finish a race.
Why did the heterosexual man put a mask on his cock to protect himself from COVID? Silly boy.
What is anonymous 🤔 oral masturbation? the politically correct word for anonymous gay fellatio from a 🕳 glory hole inside a 📖 adult book store
I'm not lazy, I'm just bone tired. I bet that one tickled your funny bone. It sure got me rattled. Don't try to stop me. I've got a skele-ton of these!