Silence

Silence jokes

Police Officer

    • Two police officers crash their car into a tree. After a moment of silence, one of them says, "Wow, that's got to be the fastest we've ever gotten to an accident site."

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    • Robbery

    • Me: (pointing up in the air) "Everybody listen up, this is a robbery!"

    Girl: "Dude, this is a library."

    Me: "Oh." (screwing on a silencer)

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    • Gun

    • I bought a silencer for my gun, but I don't think it works.

    My victims still scream.

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    • Silence memes

    Hunter

    • Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing, and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says, "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence; then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says, "OK, now what?"

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    • Pterodactyl

    • The pterodactyl went in my bathroom and peed.

    When I was in the shower, I couldn't hear it. Why? Because the "p" is silent.

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    • Name

    • Three children play hide and seek. Their names are Silence, Anger, and Parent. Anger counts. Parent hides in the trash. Silence is at the police station.

    A policeman looks at Silence and asks: "What is your name?" Silence replies: "Silence." Terrified, the policeman asks: "Where are your parents?" Silence then replies: "Parent is in the trash!" The policeman then asks indignantly: "Are you looking for Trouble?" Silence replies: "No, in fact, Anger finds me."

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    • Kitten

    • Hitler walks into his meeting room, turns to his trusted staff, and says, “I want you to organize the execution of 10,000 Jews and one kitten.”

    Everyone looks around the table and, after a long silence, Goering pipes up. “Mein Fuhrer, why do you want to kill a kitten?”

    Hitler smiles and turns to the rest of the table. “You see, no one cares about the Jews.”

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    • Item

    • He placed the chocolates and the flowers down beside her.

    Silence...

    And then at last she spoke...

    "Unexpected item in the bagging area."

    Story

    • A teacher asked her young students to get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day, the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories. There were all the regular type of stuff.

    But then the teacher realized that only Janie was left. "Janie, do you have a story to share?" "Yes madam... My daddy told me a story about my Mom." "OK, let’s hear,” said the teacher.

    “My Mom was a Marine pilot in Operation Desert Storm in Iraq and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn’t break and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops.” “She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands.”

    Pin drop silence in the class!

    "Good Heavens," said the horrified teacher, "What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?"

    “Stay away from Mummy when she’s drunk...!!!”

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    • Insult

    • Blitz: "HOLD ON! You better move that pussy wagon right now, or I’m gonna..."

    Vortex: "You'll do what?"

    Blitz: "Or I'll... uh... uh, I- I'll call HR!"

    *Silence, then Verosika/me, Blitz, and Vortex bust into laughter. And then back to seriousness*

    Verosika/me: "Anyway, meet my new Hellhound... Vortex. Unlike you, he actually does his job well." *leaves and flips Blitz off* "Ta-ta fuck stain."

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