Weed jokes
When midgets smoke weed, do they get high or do they get medium?
What's a convict's favorite chore?
Weeding.
When a midget smokes weed, do they get high or medium?
What do you call a cow grazing a field with 50% grass and 50% weed? High steaks gambling.
I can't come in, because I'm too high.
You should never try Afghan weed because people in Afghanistan get stoned to death.
What do you call a chair that smokes weed?
A high chair.
Officer: Hi, how high are you?
Pothead: No officer, it's "how are you?"
Officer: Oh, I'm sorry, I've been high since last night.
Pothead: Cool, I'd like to give you some weed, happy 420, sir.
Officer: Omg, thanks man, appreciate that.
An 80-year-old blind man asks his grandson, "Can you grab my glasses?"
Then the grandson says, "Did you get in the flour again?"
Grandpa said, "No, it was the weed."
What do you call a Mexican that smokes weed? A baked bean.
If there was someone selling drugs around here, we'd know.
How can you never find a hippo hiding behind a weed?
Because they're so good at it.
What does a shark smoke? Sea-weed.
How do whales breathe underwater? They take a deep meth.
Why was the sand wet? Because the sea weed!
If depression on crack fucked weed and 69 hours of not sleeping and had a baby with huge amounts of autism, that would be me.
My cow just wandered into a field of marijuana. The steaks have never been so high...
"Cancer gives you weed. It’s not healthy."
What do you call Canadian weed? Canadabis.
What do you call a restaurant that sells food that contains weed?
McBongald's.
Roses are red, I like weed,
If you say yes then I'll do a "good deed."