Weed jokes

What do you call a chair that smokes weed?

A high chair.

You should never try Afghan weed because people in Afghanistan get stoned to death.

When midgets smoke weed, do they get high or do they get medium?

What do you call a cow grazing a field with 50% grass and 50% weed?

High steaks gambling.

When a midget smokes weed, do they get high or medium?

Why was the sand wet? Because the sea weed!

Officer: Hi, how high are you?

Pothead: No officer, it's "how are you?"

Officer: Oh, I'm sorry, I've been high since last night.

Pothead: Cool, I'd like to give you some weed, happy 420, sir.

Officer: Omg, thanks man, appreciate that.

I told my doctor I was experiencing some back pain. He told me to smoke some weed because I had chronic back pain.

If there was someone selling drugs around here, we'd know.

What's a convict's favorite chore?

Weeding.

What do you call a Mexican that smokes weed? A baked bean.

Roses are red, I like weed,

If you say yes then I'll do a "good deed."

I can't come in, because I'm too high.

Muslims don't need weed, they've got the Koran.

You burn that sh*t and you're gonna get stoned.

What does a shark smoke? Sea-weed.

How do whales breathe underwater? They take a deep meth.

An 80-year-old blind man asks his grandson, "Can you grab my glasses?"

Then the grandson says, "Did you get in the flour again?"

Grandpa said, "No, it was the weed."

Please folks, you can hit the thumbs up button on the ones you like. There is no need to repost.

Anyways,

Knock knock Who's there? Can I come in? Can I come in who? Can I Come In You!?

More often than not, I will cry when I masturbate. Some nights I'm a real tear jerker!

But on the nights and I smoke a lil pot and then masturbate, my dad ends up bugging me because I am a weed wacker.

How do you keep a dog from humping your leg? Pick him up and suck his dick.

How does Popeye keep his manly part from rusting? He sticks it in Olive Oil.

Snow White and the seven dwarfs are in the the tub feeling "HAPPY". Happy got out now they are fucking "GRUMPY".

What's worse than waking up and finding a "Penis" drawn on your forehead? Finding out it was "Traced".

If I had a rooster and you had a donkey and your donkey ate my rooster what would you have? 3 feet of my cock up your ass.

Did you know Batman was actually Black? Yeah he couldn't go a night with out Robyn!

Did you hear Gods Word Of The Day? Its Legs! Now lets go out and spread them.

What do you call a Mexican woman with no legs? Cunt-sway-low

Whats worse than sucking 25 oysters out of your Grandmas Pussy? Realizing you only put in 15.

When a midget smokes weed, does it get medium?

Would masturbating while smoking weed be considered masturblazing, weedwhacking, or highjacking?

What do you call a stoner when horny?

A weed whacker!