Weed jokes
What do you call a chair that smokes weed?
A high chair.
You should never try Afghan weed because people in Afghanistan get stoned to death.
What do you call a cow grazing a field with 50% grass and 50% weed?
High steaks gambling.
When midgets smoke weed, do they get high or do they get medium?
When a midget smokes weed, do they get high or medium?
Why was the sand wet? Because the sea weed!
Officer: Hi, how high are you?
Pothead: No officer, it's "how are you?"
Officer: Oh, I'm sorry, I've been high since last night.
Pothead: Cool, I'd like to give you some weed, happy 420, sir.
Officer: Omg, thanks man, appreciate that.
I told my doctor I was experiencing some back pain. He told me to smoke some weed because I had chronic back pain.
If there was someone selling drugs around here, we'd know.
What's a convict's favorite chore?
Weeding.
What do you call a Mexican that smokes weed? A baked bean.
I can't come in, because I'm too high.
Roses are red, I like weed,
If you say yes then I'll do a "good deed."
Muslims don't need weed, they've got the Koran.
You burn that sh*t and you're gonna get stoned.
What does a shark smoke? Sea-weed.
How do whales breathe underwater? They take a deep meth.
Two to the one from the one to the three, I like good pussy and I like good trees, Smoke so much weed you wouldn't believe, And I get more ass than a toilet seat.
Three to the one from the one to the three, I met a bad bitch last night in the D, Let me tell you how I made her leave with me, Conversation and Hennessey.
I've been to the motherfuckin' mountain top, Heard motherfuckers talk, seen and dropped, If I ain't got a weapon I'ma pick up a rock, And when I bust yo ass I'ma continue to rock.
Getcha ass of the wall with your two left feet, It's real easy just follow the beat, Don't let that fine girl pass you by, Look real close 'cause strobe lights blind.
An 80-year-old blind man asks his grandson, "Can you grab my glasses?"
Then the grandson says, "Did you get in the flour again?"
Grandpa said, "No, it was the weed."
Please folks, you can hit the thumbs up button on the ones you like. There is no need to repost.
Anyways,
Knock knock Who's there? Can I come in? Can I come in who? Can I Come In You!?
More often than not, I will cry when I masturbate. Some nights I'm a real tear jerker!
But on the nights and I smoke a lil pot and then masturbate, my dad ends up bugging me because I am a weed wacker.
How do you keep a dog from humping your leg? Pick him up and suck his dick.
How does Popeye keep his manly part from rusting? He sticks it in Olive Oil.
Snow White and the seven dwarfs are in the the tub feeling "HAPPY". Happy got out now they are fucking "GRUMPY".
What's worse than waking up and finding a "Penis" drawn on your forehead? Finding out it was "Traced".
If I had a rooster and you had a donkey and your donkey ate my rooster what would you have? 3 feet of my cock up your ass.
Did you know Batman was actually Black? Yeah he couldn't go a night with out Robyn!
Did you hear Gods Word Of The Day? Its Legs! Now lets go out and spread them.
What do you call a Mexican woman with no legs? Cunt-sway-low
Whats worse than sucking 25 oysters out of your Grandmas Pussy? Realizing you only put in 15.
My cow just wandered into a field of marijuana. The steaks have never been so high...
What do you call someone with Down Syndrome who smokes weed?
A baked potato.