The 90+ Best Pencil Jokes

Jack and Molly are sitting in school one day. Molly is asleep when the teacher asks her a question, "Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?"

Jack sees Molly is sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil.

"Jesus Christ almighty!" shouts Molly.

"Correct," says the teacher.

The next day the teacher asks, "Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?"

Molly is again asleep and is poked by Jack's pencil.

"Jesus Christ almighty!" she shouts.

"Correct again," says the teacher.

The next day, for a 3rd time, Molly is asleep.

This time the teacher asks her, "What did Eve say to Adam when she had so many children?"

Jack pokes Molly with the pencil again, and this time Molly screams "If you stick that thing in me one more time I'm going to crack it in half!"

I GOT a job as a pencil sharpener I would tell you about it but you wouldn't get the point.

Knock knock. Who's there? Broken pencil. Broken pencil who? Never mind, it was pointless!

My life is like a broken pencil, it's pointless.

Did you hear about the constipated mathematician? He worked it out with a pencil

Little Johnny was sitting in class, and he was behind a girl called Sally. The teacher asks the class, "Who created the Earth?" And Little Johnny pokes Sally in the back with his sharpened pencil, and she jumps and says, "MY GOD!" And the teacher says, "Yes, Sally, God did create the Earth." Sally sits down. Then, the teacher asks, "Where do you go after you live a good life?" and Little Johnny pokes Sally again, and she jumps up and says, "HEAVENS TO BETSY!" And the teacher says, "Yes Sally. You will go to heaven after you live a good life." Sally sits down, knowing full well Little Johnny was poking her. Sally gave Little Johnny an angry glare, and she turns around. And then, the teacher asks the class, "What did Eve say to Adam after their 77th child?" and Little Johnny pokes Sally HARDER this time in the back, and Sally jumps, turns around and says, "If you stick that thing in me one more time, I swear I'm gonna lose it!" And the teacher faints.

Why was the blunt pencil bad at making speeches? It never had a point.

I've decided to marry a pencil. I can't wait to introduce my parents to my bride 2B.

Jack and Molly are sitting in school one day. Molly is asleep when the teacher asks her a question, “Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?”

Jack sees Molly is sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil.

“Jesus Christ almighty!” shouts Molly.

“Correct,” says the teacher.

The next day the teacher asks, “Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?”

Molly is again asleep and is poked by Jack’s pencil.

“Jesus Christ almighty!” she shouts.

“Correct again,” says the teacher.

The next day, for a 3rd time, Molly is asleep.

This time the teacher asks her, “What did Eve say to Adam when she had so many children?”

Jack pokes Molly with the pencil again, and this time Molly screams “If you stick that thing in me one more time I’m going to crack it in half!”

Who is king of the pencils?

The ruler!

you know what really gets me under my skin when im down? sharpener blades

Therapist: What do you want to do when you grow up? Me: Oh I wan- Therapist: Don’t say to be dead Me: Well I want to be an entrepreneur, I want to sell land, pencils oh yeah. I also want to sell farm

Do trees shit?

Well, how else would we get #2 pencils?

my pencil sharpener when i bleed: aAnd i dont really care how bad it hurts. Cause you broke me first.

Why did Shakespeare only write using quills? Pencils confused him: 2b or not 2b.

So in class they were learning about where food comes from: Teacher- so kids where does bacon come from? Student- PIGS Teacher- correct where does mutton come from? Student- SHEEP teacher- and finally here’s your homework- student- IK where that comes from! A FAT COW! 😂😂