Accident jokes

Did you see that car crash today where the guy got the entire left side of his body cut off?

He's all right now.

Bro, the airplanes that crashed, darn it, they got MVP!

Did you hear about the blonde who walked into a bar?......... It hurt.

Two people wanted pepperoni pizza... Sadly, they got planes.

I masturbated by accident. I read the wrong thing And tested its factuality.

Well, it's been some good years now, haven't they? Being your own partner has never felt so together.

What mistake did the manager of the Twin Towers make?

He replaced all the window cleaners with 2 commercial jets.

Did you know that Stephen Hawking's death was an accident because he pressed "shut down" instead of "sleep mode?"

I broke my arm in two places. You know what the doctor told me? Stay out of those places!

I was riding my bike when I saw a man's head in the wheel. It was mine.

I will never forget my grandpa's last words, Hold the ladder!

My heart broke as I went down the stairs, and my girlfriend broke her heart.

I was riding a bike with no helmet. I went and went with no helmet until... I broke my head with no helmet on!

If your sister steps on your toe, what will you call it?

I'll never forget my grampa's last words, "Stop shaking the ladder, you cunt!"

A boy tried to give a tree a high-five, but instead, he ended up hanging.

"What did we hit?"

"I don't know, a rock."

Me and my friend roasting each other.

Him: Your dad dropped you on purpose, but my dad dropped me by accident.

Me: But after dropping you, he never picked you up.

Why do the brakes keep squealing?

Because the driver hit it too hard.

POV: You accidentally get H in your IV drip.

What do visiting Goatman's Bridge and a bungee jumping accident have in common?

You hear a snap, and suddenly you're falling from a bridge.