Accident jokes

Why did Princess Diana cross the road?

'Cause she didn't wear a seatbelt.

Why did the plane crash in the ocean? Because the pilot saw steward Undercut!

Where did Sally go when she went in the minefield?

Everywhere.

Why did Shelley fall off the swing? She had no arms.

Why didn't the chicken cross the road?

He got hit!

Did you hear about the man who backed into a meat grinder?

I guess you could say... he was a little behind on his work.

I wonder why the plane got bigger and bigger, then it hit me.

Did you hear what happened to Lorainna Bobbit? She was in an accident on the Garden State Parkway. She told the State Police Officer, "That some dick cut her off."

Pilot: So Kobe, it seems like you’re not going to make it to your destination in time, so I’m going to put it on autopilot so I can find a place to fill with gas.

Kobe: Take us to the side of that mountain at full speed. I don’t really want to go to the event anymore.

Why did the plane go to KFC?

To lose its wings and crash!

I didn't break my back in the accident, thankfully.

But I can break yours today, hopefully.

One time, I was working this steamroller when the guy who I squashed farted.

I guess that’s what you call “FLAT”ulence.

I’d make a Kobe joke, it just wouldn’t land right.

My dad died in 9/11, he was a great pilot.

If your controller ever dies, remember those people that died on the submersible.

What did the Titanic say as it sank?

I’m nominating all passengers for the Ice Bucket Challenge!

What do you get when you have a class of kids and a speeding car?

A 24 killstreak!

Apparently I'm not allowed home after house fires, but the neighbors, their house burnt lovely.

I pushed my best friend's chair in class. Now I kinda feel bad that he was in a wheelchair.

My dad died in 9/11... He was the best pilot I know.