Accident jokes
How did Capetian Hook kill himself? He wiped his butt with the wrong hand.
What's the difference between a speed bump and a road kill?
About 40 mph.
911 what's your emergency?
"Burning in toaster."
"Toast?"
"Yeah so your calling 911 because of burnt toast?"
"Set fire to my forest!"
I saw a helicopter fly. Next minute, I knew Kobe was on the news.
Bro, the airplanes that crashed, darn it, they got MVP!
Memes
Did you hear about the blonde who walked into a bar?......... It hurt.
Two people wanted pepperoni pizza... Sadly, they got planes.
My heart broke as I went down the stairs, and my girlfriend broke her heart.
I was riding a bike with no helmet. I went and went with no helmet until... I broke my head with no helmet on!
You know stairs, right? The dark... My there is something. I know that if you fall down the stairs, your balls will be crushed!
He slips, he falls, he dislocates his balls!
I broke my arm in two places. You know what the doctor told me? Stay out of those places!
What mistake did the manager of the Twin Towers make?
He replaced all the window cleaners with 2 commercial jets.
Did you know that Stephen Hawking's death was an accident because he pressed "shut down" instead of "sleep mode?"
If Kobe missed a shot, his helicopter will too.
Why did the kid cross the road?
Because he wasn't wearing his seat belt! 😂
Did you see that car crash today where the guy got the entire left side of his body cut off?
He's all right now.
I ran into a kid today. Now I'm in jail and I lost my driver's license.
What do visiting Goatman's Bridge and a bungee jumping accident have in common?
You hear a snap, and suddenly you're falling from a bridge.
Imagine you go to school, right? You hit the curve, the bus driver be like, "Ahhh, how do I stop the bus?" Students from the bus jump from the windows. One of the students: "That's a YOU problem."