Accident jokes
How did Capetian Hook kill himself? He wiped his butt with the wrong hand.
What's the difference between a speed bump and a road kill?
About 40 mph.
You know stairs, right? The dark... My there is something. I know that if you fall down the stairs, your balls will be crushed!
911 what's your emergency?
"Burning in toaster."
"Toast?"
"Yeah so your calling 911 because of burnt toast?"
"Set fire to my forest!"
I saw a helicopter fly. Next minute, I knew Kobe was on the news.
Memes
Bro, the airplanes that crashed, darn it, they got MVP!
Did you hear about the blonde who walked into a bar?......... It hurt.
Two people wanted pepperoni pizza... Sadly, they got planes.
I was riding a bike with no helmet. I went and went with no helmet until... I broke my head with no helmet on!
What do you get when you have a class of kids and a speeding car?
A 24 killstreak!
Apparently I'm not allowed home after house fires, but the neighbors, their house burnt lovely.
Why do the brakes keep squealing?
Because the driver hit it too hard.
"What did we hit?"
"I don't know, a rock."
Me and my friend roasting each other.
Him: Your dad dropped you on purpose, but my dad dropped me by accident.
Me: But after dropping you, he never picked you up.
POV: You accidentally get H in your IV drip.
I pushed my best friend's chair in class. Now I kinda feel bad that he was in a wheelchair.
Little Mickel was on a tree.
He fell down and hurt his knee.
He sat down and started to cry, and from there, he would never lie.
A boy tried to give a tree a high-five, but instead, he ended up hanging.
I'll never forget my grampa's last words, "Stop shaking the ladder, you cunt!"
Son: Dad, if I told you I was gay, would you still love me?
Dad: Don’t be silly son, you were an accident. I never loved you in the first place.