Incident jokes
I see all these 9/11 jokes, and I’m disgusted. I personally won’t make a 9/11 joke because they have a tendency to crash and burn.
*School Shooter Walks In*
That one kid who plays "Pumped Up Kicks" at max volume.
I was about to tell a 9/11 joke, but it was too plane.
A man walked into a bar. No wait, a horse,
A man walked into a horse.
Who are the fastest readers?
9/11 victims.
Will Smith's slap was like 9/11. It came in unexpectedly and will go down in history.
When I was going downstairs, Sum Ting Wong fell, and doctors say Sum Ting Wong happened.
I just prevented an 11-year-old from getting assaulted.
I decided to go home.
What’s the difference between a firefighter and Snoop Dogg?
Snoop Dogg inhaled less smoke during 9/11.
One day, little Johnny was playing with his toys and looked out the window. He saw the neighbor's kid laying face-first in the grass, not breathing.
Little Johnny continued to shoot his nerf gun at the neighbor's big booty cheeks. No movement at all. After little Johnny went to get a snack, he looked out the window again and the kid was gone.
Little Johnny went to the neighbors and said, "I'm sorry to hear that your child has gone missing."
A man was sitting in the restaurant and ordered a whole buffet. He is visited by an oracle. Apollo says, "If you eat that buffet, everyone you love will die."
"Up yours," the man said, "What are they going to die of, famine?"
Moments later, there was an incident that took place in the restaurant. Everyone literally died. It turned out the restaurant had a B-. I said, "Is that really a thing groaning on the hospital?"
The doctor said, "Know that is your condition, you have hepatitis B-."
"What the FU***** SH**"
Apollo is sitting in Mount Olympus, dying also in laughter.
What do you call a trash bin for 9/11?
Osama Bin Laden.
What's the best thing about 9/11 jokes...
They make you collapse with laughter because the Twin Towers collapsed.
True Story
A CO was receiving inmates as they're being recalled from their assigned jobs to prepare for count. An inmate that had passed the officer returned bleeding through his trousers from his crotch. The inmate had an argument with his lover who had told him that he wasn't enough woman for him. As the inmate was bleeding he was crying out, "He doesn't love me anymore!"
The officer called for medical assistance and went into the assigned cell. He found the severed penis. He fished it out of the toilet and placed it in a plastic bag with ice. He claimed that the medical staff at the hospital could reattach it. He took a ribbing from his fellow officers, because most would've flushed it. I retired and months later saw a fellow officer at the store. As we caught up, I mentioned that the last incident I responded to was 'the severed penis.' The officer tells me that the inmate severed his penis again after it was reattached and flushed it himself.
An unfortunate accident happened at the Nestlè factory. A man named Joe was seriously injured because a box of chocolates fell on him. Every time he said, "The chocolates are on me!" everyone cheered.
911 what's your emergency?
"Burning in toaster."
"Toast?"
"Yeah so your calling 911 because of burnt toast?"
"Set fire to my forest!"
Where did Tanner go during the 9/11 terrorist attack?
Everywhere.
Why did the people in 9/11 not call 911? Because it would call the pilots.
I got these two people in my class we call them Twin Towers, so when I heard about it I threw a paper airplane at them.
Did you hear about Alicia's car accident?
She was really drunk and all over the road until she was all over the road.