Man: how tall is a penguin?
Bartender: about three foot why?
Man: o shit the Bible bashing nuns I fucking hit one
Poor car
*a married woman gets hit by a truck and the cops tell her husband Cop: sir, it looks like your wife’s been hit by a truck Man; I know but she has a great personality
Why did the planes crash into the twin towers ?
Because the cleaner left the landing lights on
What a day yesterday was I got a promotion and my sisters killer was hit by a bus now I’m in a cast!
my grandpa's last words were before died in vietnam was what fuck did i step on..........
I was walking down the streets with my parents and my sister, my mum said "step on a crack break your mother's back" I stepped on a crack, my sister has been in the hospital ever since
Today was the worst day ever. My Ex got hit by a truck... On the plus side my truck doesn't even have a dent.
Why did the orphan cross the road. Because they thought they saw there parents(plot twist the orphan got ran over)
Dad: Why did Jimmy fall off his bicycle? Son: Why? Dad: Because somebody threw a washing machine at him.
It squrted in my eye god dammit
My car fell in a ditch today. Didn't want any more cars falling so I put a car-pit over it
why did little johnny drop his ice cream? because he got hit by a bus
Ok so one time a deaf kid got in to a car accident but he didnt herd in on the new
What is the worlds strongest material....... The tree that Paul walker hit
What does Diana stand for? Died In A Nasty Accident.
My friend just got hit by a car and is now in a wheel chair, he is getting bullied but I don’t understand why he just can’t stand up for himself
what do you call a orphan in a wheelchair running into fire? hot wheels
Why do an emos parents not let them cook, because they are afraid they will cut them selves
Once an orphan purposly fell out of a tree, he forgot his parents wouldnt catch him
Luisa: the ship doesn't swerve as it heard how big the iceberg is
Captain of the titanic: wait what did you say
3 minutes later
Why didn't I listen to the strong one
