Accident jokes
Why did Susie fall off the swing?
Because she didn't have any arms.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not Susie.
Hairline got cut by a broken teacup.
Your mama is so stupid. She fell off a bike and didn't know which way to fall!
I crashed into those motherfuckers! 😂😂😂
I'll never forget my grandpa's last words.
"Are you still holding the ladder?"
I saw my wife at the dam yesterday. Drat. I was hoping she might float a bit more downstream.
Did you hear about the man who was accidentally buried alive? -- It was a grave mistake.
I hit my friend.
He's dead now.
I wasn't close to my father when he died. Which is lucky because he stepped on a landmine.
What is yellow and can’t swim?
A school bus full of children.
Why is the Tower of Pisa leaning? Because it had better reflexes than the Twin Towers.
I fell down yesterday.
Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
She forgot to put her seatbelt on.
What do you get when you cross a highway on a bike?
Run over.
I was doing a race, and I started after everyone 'cause I fell, but when I got up I realized I couldn't even race, not because I was behind, but because I can't go straight if I'm gay...
Girl playing outside: "Step on a line and you break your mommy's spine." She then steps on a line and her mother keels over screaming.
Girl playing outside: "Step on a crack and you break daddy's back." She steps on a crack the mailman next door then keels over screaming.
The husband starts celebrating, gets in the car, and starts to drive away.
The son comes outside and steps on a crack.
The dad then dies in a car crash.
Me dozing off while driving.
Everyone else on the passenger plane: September 11, 2001.
Yo mama so fat!
She sunk the Titanic. She put on a blue coat and they thought she was an iceberg!
Today my EX got trampled by a bunch of horses, and sadly I lost my job as a horse trainer.
Why did Susie fall off the swing?
She had no arms.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not Susie.