One time, I was working this steamroller when the guy who I squashed farted.
I guess that’s what you call “FLAT”ulence.
Why did Paul Walker regret turning in his test?
Because his grade went from 99 to 0 in less than a second.
You are recently injured because of your job as a driving instructor, so you couldn't go on vacation with your friends.
Your friends tell you that they have an Asian pilot.
You realize, "They have a -1% survival rate!"
I was sitting in traffic the other day.
Probably why I got run over.
I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into the school fire and said, "Hot wheels!"
What do you call plane crash victims?
Down to earth people.
My last relationship ended because I didn’t open the car door for her. Instead, I just went to the top of the water.
Yo mama is so clumsy, when she had her first kickboxing lesson, she kicked herself in the testicles.
What’s the difference between a fly and Lady Diana?
The sound when they hit the windshield.
What song does Kobe Bryant hate?
"Rocky Mountain High."
Did you know Paul Walker was a method actor? He took his role very seriously as a human torch.
I hope I die peacefully in my sleep like my mother.
Not screaming like her passengers.
When a "Baby on Board" sticker is a little faded and beat up, you know the kid is at least a year old, and the car is safe to ram.
I wonder if Kobe Bryant enjoyed his last flight.
What's the difference between MH370 and my dad?
Both disappeared, but one killed 239 people.
What did the horse say after it tripped?
Help! I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!
There were three Indians that got kicked out of the tribe.
One said, "Me find food," and he came back with a decent size rabbit. The other two asked him what happened. He said, "Me see rabbit, me shoot rabbit, and rabbit fall down dead."
The 2nd Indian, "Me find food." He came back with a good sized deer. The other two asked him what happened. He said, "Me see deer, me shoot deer, deer fall down dead."
The third Indian said, "Me find food." He came back crawling, missing a leg and an arm, and he was all cut up. The others asked what happened. He said, "Me see train, me shoot train, train no stop!"
My wife was run over.
Humpty Dumpty fell off the wall, his mom did a terri-fried call.
He got hurt in a egg-cident, and it never got eggs-elent.
When the eggs-plant was over, he got told to use the mower.
It happened too fast, he watched the very last.
Next he died, eaten all fried.
Call me Kobe Bryant, cause I'm gonna helicopter out of this one.
