Accident jokes

What is yellow and can’t swim?

A school bus full of children.

So one time I was looking up the definition of "accident" because I was a little dumbo and didn’t know what it meant. Then my sister walks up behind me and points at the word and says, “That’s you!” (meaning that I was an accident).

A few minutes later, we had a big family meeting and my dad said to my sister, “Sweetie, you were an accident. We didn’t mean to make you, but we still love you with everything we’ve got.”

My sister never talked to me again and left the house. She was 17 when she left. Seriously, 17-year-olds just never mature, huh?

What’s the difference between grandma getting ran over by a reindeer, and a poor kid’s parents getting ran over by military tractors?

When grandma got ran over by a reindeer, the kids actually gave a sh*t.

A Lew runs into a wall, what does he break? His Nose.

A Mexican runs into a wall, what does he break? His lawn mower.

Joe mama so fat, when she did the IShowSpeed dance, she fell five floors down.

Why did the plane crash in the ocean? Because the pilot saw steward Undercut!

Yo momma's so short that she fell off the toilet and broke her leg.

Why do the brakes keep squealing?

Because the driver hit it too hard.

A boy tried to give a tree a high-five, but instead, he ended up hanging.

Me and my friend roasting each other.

Him: Your dad dropped you on purpose, but my dad dropped me by accident.

Me: But after dropping you, he never picked you up.

"What did we hit?"

"I don't know, a rock."

I'll never forget my grampa's last words, "Stop shaking the ladder, you cunt!"

If Kobe missed a shot, his helicopter will too.

I ran into a kid today. Now I'm in jail and I lost my driver's license.

Why did the kid cross the road?

Because he wasn't wearing his seat belt! 😂

POV: You accidentally get H in your IV drip.

I masturbated by accident. I read the wrong thing And tested its factuality.

Well, it's been some good years now, haven't they? Being your own partner has never felt so together.

I was riding my bike when I saw a man's head in the wheel. It was mine.

I broke my arm in two places. You know what the doctor told me? Stay out of those places!

Did you see that car crash today where the guy got the entire left side of his body cut off?

He's all right now.