Accident jokes

Why did the kid drop his ice cream cone?

He got ran over by a bus.

What is yellow and can’t swim?

A school bus full of children.

So one time I was looking up the definition of "accident" because I was a little dumbo and didn’t know what it meant. Then my sister walks up behind me and points at the word and says, “That’s you!” (meaning that I was an accident).

A few minutes later, we had a big family meeting and my dad said to my sister, “Sweetie, you were an accident. We didn’t mean to make you, but we still love you with everything we’ve got.”

My sister never talked to me again and left the house. She was 17 when she left. Seriously, 17-year-olds just never mature, huh?

What’s the difference between grandma getting ran over by a reindeer, and a poor kid’s parents getting ran over by military tractors?

When grandma got ran over by a reindeer, the kids actually gave a sh*t.

A Lew runs into a wall, what does he break? His Nose.

A Mexican runs into a wall, what does he break? His lawn mower.

What do you get when you have a class of kids and a speeding car?

A 24 killstreak!

Apparently I'm not allowed home after house fires, but the neighbors, their house burnt lovely.

I pushed my best friend's chair in class. Now I kinda feel bad that he was in a wheelchair.

My dad died in 9/11... He was the best pilot I know.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5. I'm old enough to drive, for now I'm still alive, till I crash in that beehive!

Son: Dad, if I told you I was gay, would you still love me?

Dad: Don’t be silly son, you were an accident. I never loved you in the first place.

Why did the kid cross the road?

Because he wasn't wearing his seat belt! 😂

What's the difference between a speed bump and a road kill?

About 40 mph.

If Kobe missed a shot, his helicopter will too.

I ran into a kid today. Now I'm in jail and I lost my driver's license.

You know stairs, right? The dark... My there is something. I know that if you fall down the stairs, your balls will be crushed!

911 what's your emergency?

"Burning in toaster."

"Toast?"

"Yeah so your calling 911 because of burnt toast?"

"Set fire to my forest!"

I saw a helicopter fly. Next minute, I knew Kobe was on the news.

He slips, he falls, he dislocates his balls!

How did Capetian Hook kill himself? He wiped his butt with the wrong hand.