Accident jokes

I will never forget my grandpa's last words, Hold the ladder!

I was riding my bike when I saw a man's head in the wheel. It was mine.

I pushed my best friend's chair in class. Now I kinda feel bad that he was in a wheelchair.

What do you get when you have a class of kids and a speeding car?

A 24 killstreak!

Apparently I'm not allowed home after house fires, but the neighbors, their house burnt lovely.

Yo momma's so short that she fell off the toilet and broke her leg.

Son: Dad, if I told you I was gay, would you still love me?

Dad: Don’t be silly son, you were an accident. I never loved you in the first place.

I'll never forget my grampa's last words, "Stop shaking the ladder, you cunt!"

"What did we hit?"

"I don't know, a rock."

A boy tried to give a tree a high-five, but instead, he ended up hanging.

Why do the brakes keep squealing?

Because the driver hit it too hard.

Me and my friend roasting each other.

Him: Your dad dropped you on purpose, but my dad dropped me by accident.

Me: But after dropping you, he never picked you up.

POV: You accidentally get H in your IV drip.

If your sister steps on your toe, what will you call it?

How did Capetian Hook kill himself? He wiped his butt with the wrong hand.

What's the difference between a speed bump and a road kill?

About 40 mph.

911 what's your emergency?

"Burning in toaster."

"Toast?"

"Yeah so your calling 911 because of burnt toast?"

"Set fire to my forest!"

I saw a helicopter fly. Next minute, I knew Kobe was on the news.

Bro, the airplanes that crashed, darn it, they got MVP!

Did you hear about the blonde who walked into a bar?......... It hurt.