Accident jokes
Just accidentally emailed a porn link to a co-worker... So I emailed ten other co-workers the link and called it a virus.
Why did I walk across the road?
To get hit by a car.
Why did the girl fall off the swing?
Coz she had no arms, bants!
They told me throwing babies was bad, but guess what I did yesterday? I threw my baby cousin down the escalator.
Hairline got cut by a broken teacup.
Why did the boy drop his ice cream?
He got hit by a bus.
The British equivalent to 9/11 would be a big red bus crashing into Big Ben.
Guy: Are you depression? 'Cause you're crippling me.
Car driver: No, I'm the guy that hit you with his car and crippled you.
Guy: Don't worry, I was already crippled because I got crippling depression.
I turned the light on, and my dad said turn it off, so I unplugged his life support.
Why did Mary fall off the swings?
She got hit by a refrigerator.
How do you spell racecar backwards?
racecar
How do you spell racecar sideways?
Paul Walker's death.
Do nothing about people falling down the stairs, it will keep happening.
Put razor blades on the stairs, it will be their last time falling down the stairs.
A 10 year old girl meets with her doctor. The doctor tells her “Katie, I’m sorry to have to tell you that your parents didn’t survive the accident. Sadly, our tests also show that you have early onset Alzheimer’s disease.”
Katie replies “well at least my parents will look after me.”
Why did lil Timmy drop his lollies?
He was hit by a train.
I got hit in the head with a can of soda yesterday. Luckily for me, it was a soft drink.
What's black, white, and red all over?
A bi-racial car wreck.
When a woman decides to abort, it is called a decision, but when I run my truck into a playground of kids, it is called murder.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to do it in the water. Jack slipped, his condom ripped, and now they have a daughter.
We destroyed two boats, and they dropped the sun on us twice!
Sally has no arms. She fell off the swing. Why? Someone threw a fridge at her. AAHAHAAAHHAHAH!