Kurt Cobain didn't mean to kill himself. He was just so high he thought the shotgun was a bong.
His lyrics are so ironic but so true. "I'm not coming back". "I swear I don't have a gun."
Did you hear about the dyslexic American police officer?
He shot a Ginger.
What does an Asian say when his car tires burst on the highway?
"Some Ting Wheely Wong!"
How many gays does it take to put in a light bulb?
Only one... but it takes the entire Emergency Room to get it out.
My friend was in a crash, so when he got put in a wheelchair, people bullied him, so I told him to stand up for himself.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because he got hit by a car.
My great grandfather died in 9/11.
He was such a good pilot.
I had a friend who got shot in the head.
Guess you could say he was...
Blown Away!
why did little johnny drop his ice cream? because he got hit by a bus
What’s the difference between women and cars?
At least cars retain some of their value after getting wrecked.
Why should you never throw grandpa's false teeth at a vehicle? You might denture car.
A Thai woman ran into a wall. What does she break?
Her boner.
What's the difference between MH370 and my dad? Both disappeared but one killed 239 people
The mom: "Where did Timmy go after exploring that minefield across the road, honey?"
The dad: "Everywhere."
When a "Baby on Board" sticker is a little faded and beat up, you know the kid is at least a year old, and the car is safe to ram
I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”
What’s the difference between a fly and lady Diana ? The sound when they hit the windshield
A guy is bankrupt, so he gives his son a duck and tells him to go sell it for as much as he can. So the kid goes on the street to sell the duck. A prostitute walks by and says, "I'll fuck you for $10." The boy says, “I would, but I don't have any money.” She says, “Ok, I'll take the duck instead.” He says ok, so they go upstairs and fuck.
The prostitute says, “That’s the best sex I've ever had. I'll give you the duck back and we can do it again.” So they do and he gets the duck back. But when they go downstairs, the duck gets hit by a car. And the guy that hit the duck feels so bad that he gives the kid $25. So when he gets home, his father asks him why he looks so tired. The boy says, well, I got a fuck for a duck, a duck for a fuck, and $25 for a fucked up fuck.
A guy went to a bar and said to a friend that he found a girl on the railroads and said they had the best sex ever.
His friend asked, "Did you get any head?"
The guy said, "No, I couldn't find it."
I was driving and accidentally hit a crippled kid. They were still breathing, so I told them to walk it off.
