Accident jokes
What do Humpty Dumpty and Ace from KISS have in common?
They both had a great fall.
So I was sitting on my couch, watching this homophobic TV show all about "straight and great". But then I remember, "Aren't I part of the LGBTQ?"
So I say, "Oh my God, let's throw it out the window because that would be a good idea!" But then it gets run over by 123,456,789 cars. It gave me a $150,000 fine. Guess I'm broke.
My uncle died from falling off a ladder and landing on his head (true story).
All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put my uncle together again.
Two hunters are in the woods when one of them collapses. He's not breathing and his gaze is blank. The other hunter grabs his phone and calls emergency services: "My friend is dead! What do I do?"
The emergency dispatcher replies: "Calm down. I can help you. First, make sure he's really dead."
Silence on the other end, then a gunshot. Back on the phone, the hunter asks: "Okay, now what?"
Why did Sally not come home from school today?
Because she died by a flying brick!
Why did Sally not come home from school today?
Because she got hit by a bus.
My brother was stuck in a wheelchair after a motorbike accident. He became a swimming champion until I took the VR headset off.
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
Because she had no arms.
Knock, knock.
Not Sally.
I was going to charge my phone, so I pulled a plug and put it in. Then, my grandpa wasn't breathing anymore.
USS Liberty. Never forget.
It was bombed and destroyed by the Israeli airforce. Thirty-four dead, 171 wounded. The official story says “accident,” yet an American flag was clearly visible on the ship.
Motive: An attempt to cut off our foreign intelligence on Israel? Blame the bombing on an Arab country?
Just imagine if any other nation bombed an American ship...
What do you call an orphan in a wheelchair running into fire? Hot Wheels.
What did Kobe say to the helicopter?
"Don't crash!"
Kobe: "Don't crash!"
Helicopter: *Crashes*
I got fired from my paramedic job on the first day. I told an eight-year-old who lost his leg in a car accident to "walk it off."
Why does Michael Jackson avoid Pepsi? They gave him a hot one.
Michael Jackson was the King of Pop until he got burned by Pepsi. Now, Pepsi is the hero, and now, we know the rest of the story.
Kurt Cobain didn't mean to kill himself. He was just so high he thought the shotgun was a bong.
His lyrics are so ironic but so true. "I'm not coming back". "I swear I don't have a gun."
Did you hear about the dyslexic American police officer?
He shot a Ginger.
What did the horse say after it tripped?
Help! I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!
What does an Asian say when his car tires burst on the highway?
"Some Ting Wheely Wong!"