Collision jokes
A man walks into a bar.
Ouch!
What did the fish say when he ran into the wall?
Dam.
"Wow... That ship is beautiful! I wonder what will happen if I ram into it..." - Iceberg, 1912.
Were you bought on a highway? Because that's where most accidents happen.
The US Navy Atlantic Fleet is closing in on the North American shores. Suddenly a blip on the radar appears and the radio starts crackling:
"Hello, please divert to 5° East to avoid collision. Thank you."
The commander starts answering:
"No, you divert 5° West to avoid collision. Over!"
"Sorry, sir, you are the one who should divert to 5° East! Over!"
"Listen to me, you asshole! We are the USS Washington, and we have an entire fleet at our disposal, and be sure we'll use all means necessary to keep ourselves safe!"
After a moment of silence, the radio crackled again:
"In case you still haven't figured out, we can't move BECAUSE THIS IS A LIGHTHOUSE!"
What do planes and offices have in common?
They both tend to cross paths at the wake of disaster.
What happens if a boy bumps into a dog?
It’s a bumper team.
Today was the worst day ever. My ex got hit by a truck... On the plus side, my truck doesn't even have a dent.
A wild Iceberg appears. Go Titanic! Titanic uses Headbutt. The attack misses. Titanic faints.
What is the last thing that goes through a fly's head when it hits the windshield?
Its butt.
Why did Timmy drop his ice cream cone?
He got hit by a train.
What happens when a Jewish guy walks into a wall with a full erection?
He breaks his nose.
Did you hear about the red ship and the blue ship that collided? Both crews were marooned!
A man walks into a bar and says, "Ouch!"
Joe: What do the Leafs and the Titanic have in common?
Ben: I don't know.
Joe: They both look good until they hit the ice.
A Lew runs into a wall, what does he break? His Nose.
A Mexican runs into a wall, what does he break? His lawn mower.
You wanna know why the Titanic was split in half? The iceberg hit it from the front and back.
What did the fish say when it hit the wall? Dam.
What did the other fish say to that fish when he hit the wall? Dumb Bass.
Helen Keller walked into a bar, and a chair, and a table, and a wall.
Three men walk into a bar. You would think the 3rd one would have ducked! 😅