Accident jokes
I saw a helicopter fly. Next minute, I knew Kobe was on the news.
Did you hear about the blonde who walked into a bar?......... It hurt.
Two people wanted pepperoni pizza... Sadly, they got planes.
My heart broke as I went down the stairs, and my girlfriend broke her heart.
I was riding a bike with no helmet. I went and went with no helmet until... I broke my head with no helmet on!
What mistake did the manager of the Twin Towers make?
He replaced all the window cleaners with 2 commercial jets.
Did you know that Stephen Hawking's death was an accident because he pressed "shut down" instead of "sleep mode?"
I was riding my bike when I saw a man's head in the wheel. It was mine.
I will never forget my grandpa's last words, Hold the ladder!
Joe mama so fat, when she did the IShowSpeed dance, she fell five floors down.
If your sister steps on your toe, what will you call it?
I masturbated by accident. I read the wrong thing And tested its factuality.
Well, it's been some good years now, haven't they? Being your own partner has never felt so together.
911 what's your emergency?
"Burning in toaster."
"Toast?"
"Yeah so your calling 911 because of burnt toast?"
"Set fire to my forest!"
Bro, the airplanes that crashed, darn it, they got MVP!
I broke my arm in two places. You know what the doctor told me? Stay out of those places!
*gets hit by a car*
Passerby: "ARE YOU OKAY?"
Me: "Please...I need my...phone."
*opens twitter*
Me: "LMFAOOOOOOO YALL GUESS WHAT"
I was sitting in traffic the other day.
Probably why I got run over.
I was playing hide and seek at work the other day. Unfortunately, it ended with me in the hospital, though; ICU.
How many Sallys does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, she was electrocuted.
What's the difference between a speed bump and a road kill?
About 40 mph.