My friend died by a truck, why can't I get run over?
Today sucked. My friend fell off a cliff, and I went to jail.
Man: How tall is a penguin?
Bartender: About three foot, why?
Man: Oh shit, the Bible-bashing nuns! I fucking hit one!
Poor car.
I was anonymous with the previous jokes. I will now go by "I can fly! *falls*."
What's black and white and red all over? A mime I hit with my car.
A married woman gets hit by a truck, and the cops tell her husband:
Cop: "Sir, it looks like your wife's been hit by a truck."
Man: "I know, but she has a great personality."
Why did the orphan cross the road. Because they thought they saw there parents(plot twist the orphan got ran over)
what do you call a orphan in a wheelchair running into fire? hot wheels
Once an orphan purposly fell out of a tree, he forgot his parents wouldnt catch him
Why did Little Johnny drop his ice cream?
Because he got hit by a bus.
Dad: Why did Jimmy fall off his bicycle?
Son: Why?
Dad: Because somebody threw a washing machine at him.
Q: Why did the baby cross the road?
A: It wasn't in its car seat.
It squirted in my eye, God dammit!
Did you hear about that cheese factory that exploded in France?
There was nothing left but de Brie!
My uncle got really badly burned the other day.
They don't fuck around at the crematorium.
My car fell in a ditch today. Didn't want any more cars falling, so I put a car-pet over it.
Were you bought on a highway? Because that's where most accidents happen.
What has 4 limbs and can make a sidewalk red? Me falling from a 20 story building.
What do you get if a disabled person falls off a building? Mashed potatoes.
Why did the child cross the road?
Because he didn’t wear a seatbelt.
What is white, then red, and is very fast?
My chainsaw blade.
