Accident jokes

I ran into a kid today. Now I'm in jail and I lost my driver's license.

He slips, he falls, he dislocates his balls!

How did Capetian Hook kill himself? He wiped his butt with the wrong hand.

What's the difference between a speed bump and a road kill?

About 40 mph.

If Kobe missed a shot, his helicopter will too.

Did you hear about the blonde who walked into a bar?......... It hurt.

Two people wanted pepperoni pizza... Sadly, they got planes.

My heart broke as I went down the stairs, and my girlfriend broke her heart.

I was riding a bike with no helmet. I went and went with no helmet until... I broke my head with no helmet on!

If your sister steps on your toe, what will you call it?

911 what's your emergency?

"Burning in toaster."

"Toast?"

"Yeah so your calling 911 because of burnt toast?"

"Set fire to my forest!"

I saw a helicopter fly. Next minute, I knew Kobe was on the news.

Bro, the airplanes that crashed, darn it, they got MVP!

Why did the kid cross the road?

Because he wasn't wearing his seat belt! 😂

Did you see that car crash today where the guy got the entire left side of his body cut off?

He's all right now.

You know stairs, right? The dark... My there is something. I know that if you fall down the stairs, your balls will be crushed!

What do you get when you have a class of kids and a speeding car?

A 24 killstreak!

Apparently I'm not allowed home after house fires, but the neighbors, their house burnt lovely.

I pushed my best friend's chair in class. Now I kinda feel bad that he was in a wheelchair.

Son: Dad, if I told you I was gay, would you still love me?

Dad: Don’t be silly son, you were an accident. I never loved you in the first place.