Accident jokes

What mistake did the manager of the Twin Towers make?

He replaced all the window cleaners with 2 commercial jets.

Did you know that Stephen Hawking's death was an accident because he pressed "shut down" instead of "sleep mode?"

If Kobe missed a shot, his helicopter will too.

Why did the kid cross the road?

Because he wasn't wearing his seat belt! 😂

Did you see that car crash today where the guy got the entire left side of his body cut off?

He's all right now.

You know stairs, right? The dark... My there is something. I know that if you fall down the stairs, your balls will be crushed!

Did you hear about the blonde who walked into a bar?......... It hurt.

Two people wanted pepperoni pizza... Sadly, they got planes.

My heart broke as I went down the stairs, and my girlfriend broke her heart.

I was riding a bike with no helmet. I went and went with no helmet until... I broke my head with no helmet on!

If your sister steps on your toe, what will you call it?

Looks like McSkillet McKilledIt.

Why did Princess Diana cross the road?

'Cause she didn't wear a seatbelt.

While I was walking on the road, a cat crossed my road, and 5 min later I found it fell in the gutter.

What do you get when you have a class of kids and a speeding car?

A 24 killstreak!

I pushed my best friend's chair in class. Now I kinda feel bad that he was in a wheelchair.

Son: Dad, if I told you I was gay, would you still love me?

Dad: Don’t be silly son, you were an accident. I never loved you in the first place.

I'll never forget my grampa's last words, "Stop shaking the ladder, you cunt!"

Apparently I'm not allowed home after house fires, but the neighbors, their house burnt lovely.

I ran into a kid today. Now I'm in jail and I lost my driver's license.