Accident jokes
Jim and Allyn are 2 mates in the Air Force. They were paired up for a training exercise. They got up into the air and Jim said, "Okay Allyn, your helmet can control the missile when launched from the jet. Go ahead and test fire a missile and aim it at anything you want." Allyn fired the missile and had his eyes set on an abandoned building. Jim then said, "I also forgot, watch out for friendly fire." Allyn said "What?" as he looked over at Jim.
The mom: "Where did Timmy go after exploring that minefield across the road, honey?"
The dad: "Everywhere."
Tonight, on Top Gear!
James May dives a bus full of kids off a mountain!
Richard Hammond starts WW3 in Germany!
And I fly a plane into the World Trade Center!
Where did Johnny go after he wandered into a minefield?
Everywhere.
Why did Sally drop her ice cream?
Because she got hit by a bus.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not Sally.
One time, I took my wife to the doctors. My wife had a severe migraine and needed a medic. I waited for about 10 minutes.
The doctor walked out with my wife in a wheelchair. "Due to your wife's broken hip, she may never walk again," said the doctor. "She had a migraine," I said. "Oh, we know," said the doctor.
How do you get chewing gum out of a child's hair? Cancer.
I bought my blind friend a house on the edge of a cliff.
They died of happiness and a 30 story fall.
Why did the old man fall down a well?
He couldn't see that well.
Did you hear about the red ship and the blue ship that collided? Both crews were marooned!
Once my girlfriend asked me to give her lipstick, and I accidentally gave her the glue stick.
She won't talk to me anymore.
The twin towers are like water bottles.
It's all right if you knock them down as long as you pick up the mess.
I met a guy in a wheelchair today. His face was battered and bruised. "What happened to your face?" I asked. "I'm a Paralympian," he replied. "Boxing?" "No, ... hurdles."
Knock knock?
Who's there?
Not Sally, she doesn’t have any arms.
Why did Sally fall off the swing? She doesn’t have any arms.
Why did Sally drop her ice cream? She got hit by a bus.
What time is it when you walk into a wall? Time to get to bed!
You know stairs, right? The dark... My there is something. I know that if you fall down the stairs, your balls will be crushed!
Q: What's black and white and red all over?
A: A nun falling down the stairs.
You were born on the highway. That's where all the accidents happen!
My heart broke as I went down the stairs, and my girlfriend broke her heart.
My boss yelled at me the other day, “You’ve got to be the worst train driver in history. How many trains did you derail last year?” I said, “Can’t say for sure, it’s so hard to keep track!”