Accident jokes

I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into the school fire and said, "Hot wheels."

I kicked a soccer ball at the kid in the wheelchair. Now we're playing Rocket League.

The other day my computer crashed. Luckily, there were no injuries.

I accidentally drank a little food coloring last night. I ended up dying inside.

Imagine if hitting the iceberg wasn't an accident and it was all just the sailors' fault like this:

Sailor 1: Hey Ron. Sailor 2: Yeah? Sailor 1: You see that iceberg over there? Sailor 2: Yeah. Sailor 1: You know what would be pretty funny?

I hate it when I accidentally eat out my dog, lol.

Paul Walker's death was a tragedy, but at least he went out in a blaze of glory.

My cat got run down. That is a cat-astrophe.

"Help! I've fallen and I can't get up!"

There was a car accident, and the cops pull up to the crime scene to start asking people questions. The police started talking to a blonde lady and said, "What happened here?" She responded by saying, "A car crash." They then asked, "But how did it happen?" She responded, "The cars crashed into each other." They finally said, "But why did it happen?" The lady said, "Oh, I know where you're going with this. It happened because when cars push on the gas pedal, the car goes forward, and they both pushed it, so they both went forward and hit each other." One cop said, "Never mind, ma'am," and they started walking away.

The blonde lady then said, "Oh, and officers, my computer froze. Do you think I should put it in the microwave or in the oven?"

When your mom tries to hit you with the belt but misses and hits herself... #victoryroyale

What do visiting Goatman's Bridge and a bungee jumping accident have in common?

You hear a snap, and suddenly you're falling from a bridge.

I was telling the emo kid emo jokes, and I couldn’t read them because I was laughing too hard. I almost cut the emo kid. He wasn’t laughing at the jokes.

Just cut my thumb open with a knife (not a joke).

When did “yo” mean Hello?

They are so different, how did they come to mean the same thing? Did someone just walk up and accidentally say “llo” instead of hello and people were just like “what did you say?” and the man being embarrassed just made up a story and say “oh, I said yo, which means hello in my original language."

There were two snakes slithering along when one snake said to the other snake, "Are we poisonous?" "Idk why?" The other snake responded, "'Cause I just bit my tongue!"

Q: Why was the pilot sad?

A: 'Cause he was bad at playing Jenga. 💀

Kobe: Stop doing dark humor!

Me: Why? They don't land well together?

My friend was in a crash, so when he got put in a wheelchair, people bullied him, so I told him to stand up for himself.

What is it called when someone is a wheel chair and in a fire?

Answer: Hot wheels...