Accident jokes
Why did the emo step in front of a car? To get to the other side.
If you give Kobe Bryant a cigarette, he will be warm for a short time.
But he was set on fire in the helicopter crash, so now he's warm for the rest of his life.
I was doing a race, and I started after everyone 'cause I fell, but when I got up I realized I couldn't even race, not because I was behind, but because I can't go straight if I'm gay...
Little Mickel was on a tree.
He fell down and hurt his knee.
He sat down and started to cry, and from there, he would never lie.
What are the similarities between a broken tire and me?
We were both caused by broken rubber.
Yo momma's so short that she fell off the toilet and broke her leg.
In other news, we are hearing of a nasty helicopter crash on the M4. Let's cross live to our eye-in-the-sky, Mark. Mark?
Imagine you go to school, right? You hit the curve, the bus driver be like, "Ahhh, how do I stop the bus?" Students from the bus jump from the windows. One of the students: "That's a YOU problem."
Looks like McSkillet McKilledIt.
Why did Shelley fall off the swing? She had no arms.
Where did Sally go when she went in the minefield?
Everywhere.
Why didn't the chicken cross the road?
He got hit!
Did you hear about the man who backed into a meat grinder?
I guess you could say... he was a little behind on his work.
While I was walking on the road, a cat crossed my road, and 5 min later I found it fell in the gutter.
Why can't antelopes get married?
Because they can't elope.
Be grateful:
You're missing work today because in the past, someone cared enough to leave that banana peel on the stairs.
Did you hear what happened to Lorainna Bobbit? She was in an accident on the Garden State Parkway. She told the State Police Officer, "That some dick cut her off."
I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into the school fire and said, "Hot wheels!"
Pilot: So Kobe, it seems like you’re not going to make it to your destination in time, so I’m going to put it on autopilot so I can find a place to fill with gas.
Kobe: Take us to the side of that mountain at full speed. I don’t really want to go to the event anymore.
You are recently injured because of your job as a driving instructor, so you couldn't go on vacation with your friends.
Your friends tell you that they have an Asian pilot.
You realize, "They have a -1% survival rate!"