Accident jokes

Looks like McSkillet McKilledIt.

Why did Shelley fall off the swing? She had no arms.

Where did Sally go when she went in the minefield?

Everywhere.

Why didn't the chicken cross the road?

He got hit!

Did you hear about the man who backed into a meat grinder?

I guess you could say... he was a little behind on his work.

Q: A guy walks into a bar, what does he say?

A: Ow!

What do you get when you have a class of kids and a speeding car?

A 24 killstreak!

Apparently I'm not allowed home after house fires, but the neighbors, their house burnt lovely.

Why did the emo step in front of a car? To get to the other side.

Son: Dad, if I told you I was gay, would you still love me?

Dad: Don’t be silly son, you were an accident. I never loved you in the first place.

I pushed my best friend's chair in class. Now I kinda feel bad that he was in a wheelchair.

If you give Kobe Bryant a cigarette, he will be warm for a short time.

But he was set on fire in the helicopter crash, so now he's warm for the rest of his life.

I was doing a race, and I started after everyone 'cause I fell, but when I got up I realized I couldn't even race, not because I was behind, but because I can't go straight if I'm gay...

My dad died in 9/11... He was the best pilot I know.

You know stairs, right? The dark... My there is something. I know that if you fall down the stairs, your balls will be crushed!

You are recently injured because of your job as a driving instructor, so you couldn't go on vacation with your friends.

Your friends tell you that they have an Asian pilot.

You realize, "They have a -1% survival rate!"

If your controller ever dies, remember those people that died on the submersible.

I’d make a Kobe joke, it just wouldn’t land right.

I saw a helicopter fly. Next minute, I knew Kobe was on the news.

Bro, the airplanes that crashed, darn it, they got MVP!