Accident jokes

1, 2, 3, 4, 5. I'm old enough to drive, for now I'm still alive, till I crash in that beehive!

In other news, we are hearing of a nasty helicopter crash on the M4. Let's cross live to our eye-in-the-sky, Mark. Mark?

The patient said, "When will this be over?"

The doctor said, "After you die."

The patient says, "Was that a morbid joke?"

The doctor says, "Well, um, actually, you'll die because we broke the needles and the cure."

The patient says, "Well, it's a bright day, maybe if you weren't clumsy!"

There was a fire at my high school when I was in Year 7.

When the local newspaper interviewed my teacher, they asked her how she was seeing the "bright side" of it.

She said, "Well, at least our new students got a warm welcome!"

54 students died that day.

While I was walking on the road, a cat crossed my road, and 5 min later I found it fell in the gutter.

Be grateful:

You're missing work today because in the past, someone cared enough to leave that banana peel on the stairs.

Why can't antelopes get married?

Because they can't elope.

Yo mama is so clumsy, when she had her first kickboxing lesson, she kicked herself in the testicles.

Pilot: So Kobe, it seems like you’re not going to make it to your destination in time, so I’m going to put it on autopilot so I can find a place to fill with gas.

Kobe: Take us to the side of that mountain at full speed. I don’t really want to go to the event anymore.

You are recently injured because of your job as a driving instructor, so you couldn't go on vacation with your friends.

Your friends tell you that they have an Asian pilot.

You realize, "They have a -1% survival rate!"

I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into the school fire and said, "Hot wheels!"

Did you know Paul Walker was a method actor? He took his role very seriously as a human torch.

What’s the difference between a fly and Lady Diana?

The sound when they hit the windshield.

What song does Kobe Bryant hate?

"Rocky Mountain High."

I hope I die peacefully in my sleep like my mother.

Not screaming like her passengers.

What's the difference between MH370 and my dad?

Both disappeared, but one killed 239 people.

My last relationship ended because I didn’t open the car door for her. Instead, I just went to the top of the water.

When a "Baby on Board" sticker is a little faded and beat up, you know the kid is at least a year old, and the car is safe to ram.

I wonder if Kobe Bryant enjoyed his last flight.

What do you call plane crash victims?

Down to earth people.