Accident jokes

911 what's your emergency?

"Burning in toaster."

"Toast?"

"Yeah so your calling 911 because of burnt toast?"

"Set fire to my forest!"

I saw a helicopter fly. Next minute, I knew Kobe was on the news.

Bro, the airplanes that crashed, darn it, they got MVP!

Did you hear about the blonde who walked into a bar?......... It hurt.

Two people wanted pepperoni pizza... Sadly, they got planes.

How did Capetian Hook kill himself? He wiped his butt with the wrong hand.

What's the difference between a speed bump and a road kill?

About 40 mph.

I pushed my best friend's chair in class. Now I kinda feel bad that he was in a wheelchair.

I'll never forget my grampa's last words, "Stop shaking the ladder, you cunt!"

What do you get when you have a class of kids and a speeding car?

A 24 killstreak!

Son: Dad, if I told you I was gay, would you still love me?

Dad: Don’t be silly son, you were an accident. I never loved you in the first place.

A boy tried to give a tree a high-five, but instead, he ended up hanging.

Why do the brakes keep squealing?

Because the driver hit it too hard.

"What did we hit?"

"I don't know, a rock."

Me and my friend roasting each other.

Him: Your dad dropped you on purpose, but my dad dropped me by accident.

Me: But after dropping you, he never picked you up.

POV: You accidentally get H in your IV drip.

I wonder why the plane got bigger and bigger, then it hit me.

Apparently I'm not allowed home after house fires, but the neighbors, their house burnt lovely.

If you give Kobe Bryant a cigarette, he will be warm for a short time.

But he was set on fire in the helicopter crash, so now he's warm for the rest of his life.

I was doing a race, and I started after everyone 'cause I fell, but when I got up I realized I couldn't even race, not because I was behind, but because I can't go straight if I'm gay...