Accident jokes

I accidentally walked on the Lego Batman mask.

I want my fucking feet back!

What happened to the terrorist who tried to blow up a bus?

He burnt himself on the exhaust pipe.

I farted, try me. You farted? Oh no, we all farted.

The plane crashed, but I did too on a pillow.

I will remember my classmate's last words: "Ahh, my pen's ink spilled on my computer!"

Did you hear that nursing homes keep returning the new Paul Walkers?

They let the elderly move fast, but then burst into flames and burn the patients alive.

Why did the chicken cross the road because he wanted to get run over and poop, and he died for 30 years until he was sent to Joe for getting run over, and he got killed by something, and then he died, and then he got it by you poop.

Stephen Hawking died because he got hit by a RAM.

Pooooooooooop!

Why are the 9/11 survivors the fastest readers in the world?

Because they went down 109 stories in 10 seconds.

I was walking down the street and saw a kid slip on a plum.

I look to my right and died of laughter because I did the same!

So, I'm sitting here smacking on some cheese ball BBQ, my titties, and then I saw the most a shoe got shoveled all the way up my ass. I cried, then turned around and said, "MOTHERFUCKING COCK SUCK FUCKIN GAY ASS HOE SHOVIN SHOE'S UP MY ASS SON OF A BITCH!" Then turned around, punched the guy, got smacked in the face, went in for another punch, got smacked in the face, then people staring at me. I said, "WTF are you staring at?" I punched as hard as I can, then got knocked out. I thought this, "This isn't over motherfucker, I'm gonna find you and kill you." Next thing I knew, I was in the hospital. They told me, "Why tf were you fighting a stop sign?" I said, "What? You were fighting a motherfuckering stop sign?" I said, "Bitch, I ain't crazing yo head a stop sign son of a bitch fuck my pussy u must be high! hai es a bitch muhfuhcka"

What's small, has no dad, and looks like Bugs Bunny?

Ben after he trips over the giant curb!

A robber robbed a bank and ran into the road and got hit by a car.

The cops said to him, "That's CARma for you!"

Just cut my thumb open with a knife (not a joke).

What happened to the woman who slipped in a seafood restaurant?

Um...I don't know what?

She slipped on a mussel!

Say what you want about Paul Walker, but he was a smart guy.

You can tell by the quantity of brain matter on his dashboard.

Aspen pooped herself.

Connor pooped himself.

Today my toilet paper ran across the road, but it got stuck in the crack.

One day I was eating a banana, and one my friend was eating in the balcony, so I threw my banana on his balcony. He stepped on it, so he got slipped, and one yogi was passing by me, so my friend's banana fell on his head, and he got a very nice shining half-eaten banana choti on his golden smooth head.