Accident jokes

Your mama is so fat that she doesn't get crushed by cars, she crushes cars and babies in strollers on the sidewalk when she falls and doesn't see any remains, so there is no evidence.

I like the iceberg... my favorite character was the iceberg!

Why did Sally drop her ice cream cone?

Because she got hit by a bus.

My pee pee fell off.

I accidentally walked on the Lego Batman mask.

I want my fucking feet back!

Did you hear that nursing homes keep returning the new Paul Walkers?

They let the elderly move fast, but then burst into flames and burn the patients alive.

I farted, try me. You farted? Oh no, we all farted.

The plane crashed, but I did too on a pillow.

Why are the 9/11 survivors the fastest readers in the world?

Because they went down 109 stories in 10 seconds.

Pooooooooooop!

Why did the chicken cross the road because he wanted to get run over and poop, and he died for 30 years until he was sent to Joe for getting run over, and he got killed by something, and then he died, and then he got it by you poop.

What happened to the terrorist who tried to blow up a bus?

He burnt himself on the exhaust pipe.

Stephen Hawking died because he got hit by a RAM.

I will remember my classmate's last words: "Ahh, my pen's ink spilled on my computer!"

I was walking down the street and saw a kid slip on a plum.

I look to my right and died of laughter because I did the same!

So, I'm sitting here smacking on some cheese ball BBQ, my titties, and then I saw the most a shoe got shoveled all the way up my ass. I cried, then turned around and said, "MOTHERFUCKING COCK SUCK FUCKIN GAY ASS HOE SHOVIN SHOE'S UP MY ASS SON OF A BITCH!" Then turned around, punched the guy, got smacked in the face, went in for another punch, got smacked in the face, then people staring at me. I said, "WTF are you staring at?" I punched as hard as I can, then got knocked out. I thought this, "This isn't over motherfucker, I'm gonna find you and kill you." Next thing I knew, I was in the hospital. They told me, "Why tf were you fighting a stop sign?" I said, "What? You were fighting a motherfuckering stop sign?" I said, "Bitch, I ain't crazing yo head a stop sign son of a bitch fuck my pussy u must be high! hai es a bitch muhfuhcka"

Say what you want about Paul Walker, but he was a smart guy.

You can tell by the quantity of brain matter on his dashboard.

Aspen pooped herself.

Connor pooped himself.

What happened to the woman who slipped in a seafood restaurant?

Um...I don't know what?

She slipped on a mussel!

Just cut my thumb open with a knife (not a joke).