Plum jokes

Susie was in her mother's room one night, as her mother was getting ready for bed. She had slipped off her blouse; her boobs, plum and perky. Susie had asked what are those and will I get them? Her mother had said they were boobs and she would grow some in a few years. Her mother told Susie to find her father and say goodnight.

So Susie left, headed down the hall to the bathroom where her father was showering. Susie knocked on the door, he said come in. He had moved the shower curtain over just a bit. Susie said she loved him, and then seen her father's dick. Shocked, Susie asked her father what that was and if she would get one. Her father said it was a dick, and he said Susie would get it after her mother went to bed.

What kind of fruit can fix your sink?

A plum-ber.

Why did the plum put sugar under its pillow?

So it could have sweet dreams.

Purple.

Things said by racist aliens:

"Some of my best friends are Green."

"I just know that Orange guy stole my spaceship."

"You're very pretty for a Purple girl."

"We know you Tentacletians like to rape everyone with your tentacles!"

"Adax Hitao should have finished off you Bluish people."

"You 2-headed people are so stupid!"

"No Slimatians are allowed in this restaurant because of health codes."

"Get out of my store you grigger!"

"The Plu Plux Plum meeting is tonight! Let's burn some spaceships on the Greenies' lawns!"

I was walking down the street and saw a kid slip on a plum.

I look to my right and died of laughter because I did the same!

The broccoli says, "I look like a small tree." The mushroom says, "I look like an umbrella." The walnut says, "I look like a brain." And the banana says, "Can we please change the subject?"

Do trees shit?

Well, how else would we get #2 pencils?

What do city plumbers and pedophiles have in common?

They both lay pipes in public parks.

Roses are red, that much is true. But violets are purple, not fucking blue.

What fruit always feels depressed?

A blueberry.