Accident jokes

I made someone a PB and J sandwich... they died.

Q: Why did the blind man fall into the well?

A: Because he couldn't see that well.

Why did Jimmy drop his ice cream?

Because he was dead.

Your dad went to the shop to get milk, came back, went again, but never came back due to a car crash due to an itchy rash.

What time is it when you walk walk? Time to trip and fall!

I love telling good news to my patients, like they survived the crash but their family died.

I remember my son's last words: "I stubbed my toe!"

My dad died in 9/11....

He was a good driver.

Why is Paul Walker a walker?

To let people know he isn't a driver.

What were Paul Walker's last words?

Hey, that tree's growing!

Once I was riding my bike and saw a $5. I jumped off and died.

What do you call a car on the side of the road, lit up and ablaze?

Paul Walker's death.

I kicked my leg into my dad's balls in 1999.

My dad said not to touch this thingy called a gun, but I looked down that pole and pressed that thing, and now I'm in heaven.

My wife and I went to the bar to get a drink, but 2 mins later, I see her dead on the ground. I guess she couldn't see the bottle flying at her face. Then I laughed and went home.

Why did little Billy drop his ice cream?

He was hit by an ice cream truck.

USS Liberty. Never forget.

It was bombed and destroyed by the Israeli airforce. Thirty-four dead, 171 wounded. The official story says “accident,” yet an American flag was clearly visible on the ship.

Motive: An attempt to cut off our foreign intelligence on Israel? Blame the bombing on an Arab country?

Just imagine if any other nation bombed an American ship...

A husband and wife are crossing the street. The husband is explaining to the wife why you should always look both ways before crossing the street.

Man: "So you see, Dolly? You should always look both ways before crossing the street."

The man turns and looks to his wife, but she is not there!

Man: "Dolly? Dolly!"

The man looks around and sees Dolly laying dead on the street.

Man: "Dolly!"

I’m about to tell you the funniest joke I heard:

Two hunters are in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing, and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls emergency services. The operator then hears the problem and says, “Well, let’s make sure he’s dead.” A shot is then heard. The other guy says, “Ok, now what?”

Did you laugh?

The first child, Daisy, asks her mother why she is named Daisy. The mother said, "That's because a daisy fell on your head when you were born."

The second child, Raindrop, asked why he is named Raindrop, and the mother said, "That's because a drop of rain fell on your head when you were born."

Then the third child, Cinderblock, said, "fxg,kxf dsdsvtg,hjer,btjh,rbtsvikvsdtxde43f."