Accident jokes

Once I was riding my bike and saw a $5. I jumped off and died.

Why is Paul Walker a walker?

To let people know he isn't a driver.

My dad died in 9/11....

He was a good driver.

My wife and I went to the bar to get a drink, but 2 mins later, I see her dead on the ground. I guess she couldn't see the bottle flying at her face. Then I laughed and went home.

I kicked my leg into my dad's balls in 1999.

What do you call a car on the side of the road, lit up and ablaze?

Paul Walker's death.

I love telling good news to my patients, like they survived the crash but their family died.

I remember my son's last words: "I stubbed my toe!"

My dad said not to touch this thingy called a gun, but I looked down that pole and pressed that thing, and now I'm in heaven.

I made someone a PB and J sandwich... they died.

Why did Jimmy drop his ice cream?

Because he was dead.

Your dad went to the shop to get milk, came back, went again, but never came back due to a car crash due to an itchy rash.

What time is it when you walk walk? Time to trip and fall!

A husband and wife are crossing the street. The husband is explaining to the wife why you should always look both ways before crossing the street.

Man: "So you see, Dolly? You should always look both ways before crossing the street."

The man turns and looks to his wife, but she is not there!

Man: "Dolly? Dolly!"

The man looks around and sees Dolly laying dead on the street.

Man: "Dolly!"

I’m about to tell you the funniest joke I heard:

Two hunters are in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing, and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls emergency services. The operator then hears the problem and says, “Well, let’s make sure he’s dead.” A shot is then heard. The other guy says, “Ok, now what?”

Did you laugh?

The first child, Daisy, asks her mother why she is named Daisy. The mother said, "That's because a daisy fell on your head when you were born."

The second child, Raindrop, asked why he is named Raindrop, and the mother said, "That's because a drop of rain fell on your head when you were born."

Then the third child, Cinderblock, said, "fxg,kxf dsdsvtg,hjer,btjh,rbtsvikvsdtxde43f."

Your mama is so fat that she doesn't get crushed by cars, she crushes cars and babies in strollers on the sidewalk when she falls and doesn't see any remains, so there is no evidence.

I like the iceberg... my favorite character was the iceberg!

Why did Sally drop her ice cream cone?

Because she got hit by a bus.

My pee pee fell off.