Accident jokes

Why did Jimmy drop his ice cream?

Because he was dead.

I made someone a PB and J sandwich... they died.

Q: Why did the blind man fall into the well?

A: Because he couldn't see that well.

What time is it when you walk walk? Time to trip and fall!

Your dad went to the shop to get milk, came back, went again, but never came back due to a car crash due to an itchy rash.

A husband and wife are crossing the street. The husband is explaining to the wife why you should always look both ways before crossing the street.

Man: "So you see, Dolly? You should always look both ways before crossing the street."

The man turns and looks to his wife, but she is not there!

Man: "Dolly? Dolly!"

The man looks around and sees Dolly laying dead on the street.

Man: "Dolly!"

I’m about to tell you the funniest joke I heard:

Two hunters are in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing, and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls emergency services. The operator then hears the problem and says, “Well, let’s make sure he’s dead.” A shot is then heard. The other guy says, “Ok, now what?”

Did you laugh?

The first child, Daisy, asks her mother why she is named Daisy. The mother said, "That's because a daisy fell on your head when you were born."

The second child, Raindrop, asked why he is named Raindrop, and the mother said, "That's because a drop of rain fell on your head when you were born."

Then the third child, Cinderblock, said, "fxg,kxf dsdsvtg,hjer,btjh,rbtsvikvsdtxde43f."

Your mama is so fat that she doesn't get crushed by cars, she crushes cars and babies in strollers on the sidewalk when she falls and doesn't see any remains, so there is no evidence.

I like the iceberg... my favorite character was the iceberg!

Why did Sally drop her ice cream cone?

Because she got hit by a bus.

My pee pee fell off.

I accidentally walked on the Lego Batman mask.

I want my fucking feet back!

I will remember my classmate's last words: "Ahh, my pen's ink spilled on my computer!"

Did you hear that nursing homes keep returning the new Paul Walkers?

They let the elderly move fast, but then burst into flames and burn the patients alive.

I farted, try me. You farted? Oh no, we all farted.

The plane crashed, but I did too on a pillow.

Why did the chicken cross the road because he wanted to get run over and poop, and he died for 30 years until he was sent to Joe for getting run over, and he got killed by something, and then he died, and then he got it by you poop.

What happened to the terrorist who tried to blow up a bus?

He burnt himself on the exhaust pipe.

Stephen Hawking died because he got hit by a RAM.

Pooooooooooop!