Survivor jokes
What did the Hiroshima survivor say about the day Little Boy dropped? "It was a blast!"
When God made Chinese, he said, "DON'T LOOK!" and the Chinese said, "Why?"
And God replied, "You won't want to be fruitful and multiply if you saw where you are putting that thing."
It turned out the Chinese are very obedient to God.
When God made White Man, he said, "NEVER SHUT YOUR EYES!" and the white man said, "Why?"
And God replied, "You need to keep an eye out for the Chinese, one day they will out number you."
It turned out the Chinese are very obedient to God.
Then the white man said, "There is a white genocide!"
And the survivors of the Holocaust said, "All these Europeans killed each other, so a white genocide is accurate. White killed white."
Then the Chinese said, "Thank you, we take your land now."
And the Jews said, "But we are God's chosen people!"
And the Chinese said, "Yes, every time God show up you get bullied! You might want to worship someone else!"
And the Jews said, "Why are you Chinese so lucky, you can't even see, you blind!"
And the Chinese said, "Jesus say be in the world not of the world, so don't go looky looky at the world then."
It turned out the Chinese are very obedient to God.
He's homeless.
Another: Oh he must be A "Sheer" (as in Andrew Scheer) survivor...
The other: No, he's a Liberal (as in Justin Trudeau) job hopeful.
What has four legs and works at McDonald's?
The remaining members of Nirvana.
What did the 9/11 survivor say when he went back to his family? "You won't believe it! The Twin Towers became conjoined twins when it happened!"
What do you call a kid with no friends?
A Sandy Hook survivor.
Man 1: Hey, I heard you survived a school shooting. What was it like?
Man 2: People were screaming and running everywhere. I was only able to get a few of them.
Every single person on the plane died except for 2. How is that possible?
It said all the single people died; the 2 were a couple. That's how it was possible.
What do you call a kid with no friends?
A Sandy Hook survivor.
Who is older than the Twin Towers?
Billy Bob the 1th. He was older than the Twin Towers. He was born 3 minutes before the Twin Towers and is still alive today.
This isn't a joke, but I'm a survivor and use humor to cope. I find these extremely funny, so please leave the people writing these alone 😭
What do the Twin Tower survivors order from Tim Hortons? A plane bagel.
What do you call a school shooting survivor who grows up to be a prostitute on the West Coast? A Sandy Hooker
Yo mama so fat, survivors of the Titanic said a fat girl on the bow was so heavy, the ship started to sink, but when she reached the stern, the ship split.
Last night I burned down an orphanage.
There was one survivor who said I would regret it. I said, "What are you gonna do, tell your parents?"
An adopted kid is walking to school when an emo kid approaches him. He says the emo kid, "Do you have rope?"
"No," replies the adopted kid.
"Dang it! I hate you," says the emo kid. "Now the adopted one is angry. Well, at least I'm loved," says the adopted kid.
If you know an emo kid, please stay away. The depression is contagious. I'm a survivor.
Like if you dislike emos.
What do you call a 5th grader with no friends?
Sandy Hook survivor.
Who were the people that survived 9/11?
The ones who decided it would be a good idea to jump.
Why are the 9/11 survivors the fastest readers in the world? Because they went down 109 stories in 10 seconds.
Q. What's a 9/11 survivor's least favorite bagel? A. Plain.