You jokes
When a family friend passed away, my granddaughter took her three-year-old son to visit the widow. As they approached the front door, she whispered to the boy, “Make sure to tell her how sorry you are.”
He whispered back, “Why? I didn’t kill him.”
I would roast you, but you don't have any meat!
What do you call a girl with an hourglass figure? -- A waist of time.
Did you know my grandpa was part of World War 2? He killed Hitler.
How do you make someone in Africa disappointed?
Sing "Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head."
It's that time is year again!
What's the difference between hungry and horny?
Where you stick the cucumber.
If you think about it, taking candy from a baby is good because candy is bad for babies.
Why are women like KFC?
After you've finished with the thigh and breasts, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.
What do you call a necrophiliac gangbang?
Cracking open a cold one with the boys.
Slavery is like Pokémon, you gotta catch them all.
Q: Why should you stand in the corner if you get cold?
A: It’s always 90 degrees.
What's worse than a failed attempt at suicide?
The pity looks people give you and people keep you away from 'dangerous' things.
How do women make you a millionaire?
When you're a billionaire.
Did you hear about the new emo pizza? It cuts itself.
Roses are red, violets are fine, I'll be the six, you be the nine.
That time when you realize that Osama bin Laden and Carrie Underwood share the same birthday...
How do you tell an Indian person from a Muslim?
Are you 7/11 or 9/11?
I hear skeletons like to play the saxaBONE, though I think the tromBONE would be better, but tibia honest, both can be HUMERUS, wouldn't wanna hurt your funny bone, but I think your starting to get BONELY so I'll stop pulling your leg. Now get out before I give you a bad time.
Two pedophiles talking to each other:
"Do you got two fives for one ten?"
Little Johnny got detention because when he was walking to lunch, he saw a bowl of apples and there was a note on it that said, "Take 1, God is watching." He continued walking and saw a bowl of cookies that said, "Take 1, please." So little Johnny made his own note and he wrote, "Take as many cookies as you want, God is watching the apples."