You jokes
What do you call an autistic kid with a gun?
Special Forces.
What do you call a girl with an hourglass figure? -- A waist of time.
That time when you realize that Osama bin Laden and Carrie Underwood share the same birthday...
What's the difference between hungry and horny?
Where you stick the cucumber.
How do you make someone in Africa disappointed?
Sing "Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head."
Why are women like KFC?
After you've finished with the thigh and breasts, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.
What do you call a necrophiliac gangbang?
Cracking open a cold one with the boys.
How do you tell an Indian person from a Muslim?
Are you 7/11 or 9/11?
If you think about it, taking candy from a baby is good because candy is bad for babies.
Slavery is like Pokémon, you gotta catch them all.
Did you hear about the new emo pizza? It cuts itself.
How do women make you a millionaire?
When you're a billionaire.
What's worse than a failed attempt at suicide?
The pity looks people give you and people keep you away from 'dangerous' things.
Roses are red, violets are fine, I'll be the six, you be the nine.
Q: Why should you stand in the corner if you get cold?
A: It’s always 90 degrees.
I hear skeletons like to play the saxaBONE, though I think the tromBONE would be better, but tibia honest, both can be HUMERUS, wouldn't wanna hurt your funny bone, but I think your starting to get BONELY so I'll stop pulling your leg. Now get out before I give you a bad time.
Why can't you fool an aborted fetus? Because it wasn't born yesterday.
Two pedophiles talking to each other:
"Do you got two fives for one ten?"
Little Johnny got detention because when he was walking to lunch, he saw a bowl of apples and there was a note on it that said, "Take 1, God is watching." He continued walking and saw a bowl of cookies that said, "Take 1, please." So little Johnny made his own note and he wrote, "Take as many cookies as you want, God is watching the apples."
How do you pet a psychopath's cat?
You get it out of the microwave.