Birthday Jokes

Ratchet the Hatchet

My friend surprised me for my birthday with a book called ‘Road-Kill Recipes’. I did find some roadkill the other day, so I cooked it according to one recipe and it was delicious. I’m just not sure what I should do with the bicycle.

Anonymous

What did the boy with no hands get for his birthday?

I don’t know. He hasn’t opened it yet.

Trint

I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. A week later, he told me it was the most violent book he ever read.

5
Anonymous

What did the boy with no hands get for his birthday.

idk he hasn’t opened it yet.

9
Sally
in Sally

Time for a story: There are 500 bricks on a plane, one falls off. How many are left?

What are the 3 steps to putting an elephant in a refrigerator? Open fridge, put in elephant, close fridge.

What are the 4 steps to putting a giraffe in a fridge? Open fridge, take out elephant, put in giraffe, close fridge.

The lion king is having a birthday party. All the animals attend except one, who is it? Giraffe, he’s stuck in the fridge.

Sally wants to cross an alligator infested river. There is no bridge and the only way she can get across is by swimming. She swims across safely, how? The alligators where at the birthday party.

Sally dies anyway. How? She got hit in the head by a flying brick.

9
Anonymoustache 99

Me: Happy birthday! I got you a Rubix cube! Friend: I hate you. Me: why? Friend: I’m color blind

9
Anonymous
in Puns

My friend gave me sugar for my birthday, she thought it was cheap I thought it was pretty sweet

Anonymous

What did Jenny get for her birthday after a car accident

An amputation

0
Funny but sad.

I’m funny but sad I submit jokes you’ll love. Look for my name in jokes you’ve read. Anyway.

What did the man with no hands get for his birthday? Gloves. Just kidding he didn’t have the chance to open the gifts.

6
Anonymous
in Depression

people talking me asking whats the worst day in the year for them. Person 1: The first day of school cause i don’t like going to school

Person 2: Valentines day cause its to lovey

Me: oh nice mines my birthday cause its when i was born

3
Jimmy

I got my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. He came back a week later and said it was the most violent book he’s ever read.

Konnor118 On Youtube
in Orphanage

Q: Why did the Orphan get an IPhone X for their birthday?

A: Cause it don’t have a home button

3
GlitzyGlamGirl (GGG)
in Puns

I got my daughter a fridge for her birthday. I can’t wait to see her face light up when she opens it.

who_asked7
in Emo

You know what an emo gets for his birthday? A rope

Anonymous
in Offensive

I got my son a trampoline for his birthday The ungrateful boy sat in his wheelchair the hole time

9
Anonymous
in Sally

Sally threw herself a birthday party, and only one person showed up. Who is it?

The grim reaper

Anonymous

Bought my son a trampoline for his birthday, the ungrateful fucker just sat in his wheelchair and cried

Joker Card

Why did Johnny not like the audiobook he got for his birthday?

Johnny was deaf.

Paralyzed Kid

My little cousin’s birthday was in a few days and his mom said he wanted Hot Wheels. So I sent him a video of me pushing a paralyzed kid into fire and screaming “HOT WHEELS!”

Daddy T

Two friends who’ve been bros for forever see each other in Wal-Mart in the card section. The first guy asks what he got his wife for her birthday. The second guy tells him he got her a Maserati and a card. The first guy tells him he got his wife a card and a dildo for her birthday. The second guy asks why he got his wife a dildo for her birthday. The first guy says, “If she doesn’t like the card I got her, then she can go fuck herself!”

4