Hand

Anonymous

What did the boy with no hands get for his birthday.

idk he hasn’t opened it yet.

Friend

Ratchet the Hatchet

My friend surprised me for my birthday with a book called ‘Road-Kill Recipes’. I did find some roadkill the other day, so I cooked it according to one recipe and it was delicious. I’m just not sure what I should do with the bicycle.

Week

Trint

I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. A week later, he told me it was the most violent book he ever read.

Sally

Sally

Time for a story: There are 500 bricks on a plane, one falls off. How many are left?

What are the 3 steps to putting an elephant in a refrigerator? Open fridge, put in elephant, close fridge.

What are the 4 steps to putting a giraffe in a fridge? Open fridge, take out elephant, put in giraffe, close fridge.

The lion king is having a birthday party. All the animals attend except one, who is it? Giraffe, he’s stuck in the fridge.

Sally wants to cross an alligator infested river. There is no bridge and the only way she can get across is by swimming. She swims across safely, how? The alligators where at the birthday party.

Sally dies anyway. How? She got hit in the head by a flying brick.

Hand

Anonymous

What did the boy with no hands get for his birthday?

I don’t know. He hasn’t opened it yet.

Friend

Anonymoustache 99

Me: Happy birthday! I got you a Rubix cube! Friend: I hate you. Me: why? Friend: I’m color blind

Car

Anonymous

What did Jenny get for her birthday after a car accident

An amputation

Puns

Anonymous

My friend gave me sugar for my birthday, she thought it was cheap I thought it was pretty sweet

Sadness

Funny but sad.

I’m funny but sad I submit jokes you’ll love. Look for my name in jokes you’ve read. Anyway.

What did the man with no hands get for his birthday? Gloves. Just kidding he didn’t have the chance to open the gifts.

Depression

Anonymous

people talking me asking whats the worst day in the year for them. Person 1: The first day of school cause i don’t like going to school

Person 2: Valentines day cause its to lovey

Me: oh nice mines my birthday cause its when i was born

Sally

Anonymous

Sally threw herself a birthday party, and only one person showed up. Who is it?

The grim reaper

Birthday

Joker Card

Why did Johnny not like the audiobook he got for his birthday?

Johnny was deaf.

Cry

Anonymous

Bought my son a trampoline for his birthday, the ungrateful fucker just sat in his wheelchair and cried

Week

Anonymous

I gave my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. Next week he told me it was the most violent book he ever read

Die

YYXYOddEyeCircle1/3

Birthdays are weird. We celebrate being one year closer to dying. And we celebrate it with friends and family, which is totally not how we’ll die.

We’re all gonna die alone, not surrounded by friends and family.

Dad

SIRE SEMPAI

My mother really hates my dad for some reason. Maybe it was because he cheated on her, or maybe because it was her mom. Either way it really ruined her birthday.

Puns

GlitzyGlamGirl (GGG)

I got my daughter a fridge for her birthday. I can’t wait to see her face light up when she opens it.

Wife

Daddy T

Two friends who’ve been bros for forever see each other in Wal-Mart in the card section. The first guy asks what he got his wife for her birthday. The second guy tells him he got her a Maserati and a card. The first guy tells him he got his wife a card and a dildo for her birthday. The second guy asks why he got his wife a dildo for her birthday. The first guy says, “If she doesn’t like the card I got her, then she can go fuck herself!”

Girlfriend

Anonymous

I have a problem my dad any my girlfriend have the same birthday. So one took my virginity and the other is my girlfriend

Baby

bigpapi

What did the 1.8 nanosecond old baby get for his birthday?

Nailed to a puppy falling on a buzz saw being crushed in a hydraulic press while being set on fire.

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