You jokes
What do you call a blind German?
A notsee.
When a family friend passed away, my granddaughter took her three-year-old son to visit the widow. As they approached the front door, she whispered to the boy, “Make sure to tell her how sorry you are.”
He whispered back, “Why? I didn’t kill him.”
What do you call a high school student?
Alone and depressed.
Why can't you fool an aborted fetus? Because it wasn't born yesterday.
What do you get when a cow is caught in an earthquake?
You get a milkshake!
Memes
What do you call a terrorist in a kids' swimming pool?
A bath bomb.
Can't wait to meet you!
So join the Depression family!
We open real soon!
Try best to hold onto sanity!
What is the difference between a Rubik’s cube and a penis? I don’t know, but they both get harder the more you play with them.
Doctor: I diagnose you with obesity.
Patient: It runs in the family.
Doctor: Nothing can run in your family.
When you go to an orphanage for a field trip: When the workers said, "I remember you as a kid."
Sign on my attorney's office wall: "You can't have manslaughter without laughter."
A police officer writes a ticket for a car not being parked correctly. The driver asks why. When he realizes he is parked poorly, he responds, "Oh. I'm terribly sorry. You see, I'm so gay I can't even park straight."
What do you call a gay drive by?
A fruit roll up.
What do you call a white person having a seizure?
A vanilla shake.
What do you get when you have an annoying kid, a homicidal kid, and a suicidal kid in the same room? A happy ending.
Say what you want against pedophiles, but they slow down in school zones.
The Pope and Donald Trump are on stage in front of a huge crowd.
The Pope leaned towards Trump and said, “Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and for the rest of their lives. Whenever they speak of this day, they will rejoice!”
Trump replies, “I seriously doubt that. With one little wave of your hand? Show me!”
So the Pope slapped him.
What do you call the people in the Challenger explosion?
Ashtraynauts.
What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball? Juan on Juan.
Do you know why I wish grass was emo? So it can cut itself.