You jokes

A police officer writes a ticket for a car not being parked correctly. The driver asks why. When he realizes he is parked poorly, he responds, "Oh. I'm terribly sorry. You see, I'm so gay I can't even park straight."

What do you call a gay drive by?

A fruit roll up.

Can't wait to meet you!

So join the Depression family!

We open real soon!

Try best to hold onto sanity!

What is the difference between a Rubik’s cube and a penis? I don’t know, but they both get harder the more you play with them.

Doctor: I diagnose you with obesity.

Patient: It runs in the family.

Doctor: Nothing can run in your family.

Sign on my attorney's office wall: "You can't have manslaughter without laughter."

What do you get when you have an annoying kid, a homicidal kid, and a suicidal kid in the same room? A happy ending.

What do pedophiles and a SpongeBob intro have in common?

Are you ready kids?

Say what you want against pedophiles, but they slow down in school zones.

The Pope and Donald Trump are on stage in front of a huge crowd.

The Pope leaned towards Trump and said, “Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and for the rest of their lives. Whenever they speak of this day, they will rejoice!”

Trump replies, “I seriously doubt that. With one little wave of your hand? Show me!”

So the Pope slapped him.

What do you call the people in the Challenger explosion?

Ashtraynauts.

What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball? Juan on Juan.

Do you know why I wish grass was emo? So it can cut itself.

What do you call a virgin in Alabama? An orphan.

Why can't you solve a murder in Alabama?

All the DNA is identical and there are no dental records.

Me, trying to interact with people: “Hey, are you a rope? Because I really wanna HANG with you.”

Person I’m talking to: *Pulling out phone to call suicide hotline* “haha what.”

In the average room, there are about 2,894,638 items that Chuck Norris can use to kill you, including the room itself.

What do you call a creepy IT teacher?

A PDF file.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

9/11.

9/11 who?

You said that you would never forget!

What is the difference between a truck full of bowling balls and a truck full of babies?

You can't unload a truck full of bowling balls with a pitchfork.