Dearly beloved! For your entertainment, It's my pleasure to introduce to you hell's latest arrival… The equal-opportunity killer, Alastor! Salutations! Good to be back on the air! The internet is a horrible place! And I’m here to make it worse. You’re the reason why I smile… Because you’re such a joke.
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A daughter asked her mother, “Mom, how do you spell ‘scrotum’?”

Her mom replied, “Honey, you should have asked me last night—it was on the tip of my tongue.”

How is having fun with a prostitute like bungee jumping?

You’re dead if the rubber breaks.

What does a woman’s pussy and a chainsaw have in common?

Miss by few inches and you’re in deep shit.

Why are women like KFC?

After you’ve finished with the thigh and breasts, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.

How many Emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, they all sit in the dark and cry.

After death, what is the only organ in the female body which remains warm?

My penis.

Did you hear about the guy who died of a Viagra overdose?

They couldn’t close his casket.

Why do women always have sex with the lights off? Because they never like to see a man having a good time.

Christopher’s Mom said one man’s trash is another man’s treasure. Turns out Christopher was adopted.