You jokes
How do you make a fruit punch?
You give it a pair of boxing gloves.
My depressed friend said he wanted to jump off of a bridge but he didn’t wanna commit suicide. I told him if you jump and yell "parkour," it’ll just be a failed stunt.
So, I was in the woods the other day raping this woman when she screamed, 'Please! Think of my children!'
I thought, 'Ooo, you kinky bitch.'
Neo-Confederates all claim to be about "heritage" not "hate". Well, if your heritage consists of Kelly Clarkson, riding on siblings, and treating Donald Trump as if he's the second coming, then it really sucks to be you.
You do 1 line, you're not a crackhead. You drink 1 beer, you're not an alcoholic. But I murder 1 person...
Memes
What do you call a teenage boy who doesn’t masturbate?
A liar.
What do you do when your dishwasher stops working? You slap her on the ass and tell her to get back to work.
What has an N, an I, two Gs, an E, and an R?
Ginger! You racist fuc-
Did you ever think that John F. Kennedy went for a ride in Dallas just to clear his head?
What's the difference between hungry and horny?
Where you stick the cucumber.
Husband: "I bet you can't say something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time."
Wife: "You have the biggest penis out of all your friends."
What do you need in order to crash a train?
A bad track record.
What do you call a fat girl with a rape whistle?
Optimistic.
What do you call a kid with cancer walking through the airport?
•Terminal
What did one butt cheek say to the other? “Between you and me, it stinks in here!”
You gotta hand it to blind prostitutes.
SON: “Mommy, I found Daddy!”
MOM: “What did I tell you about digging in the garden?”
What do you call a swimming terrorist?
A bath bomb.
If you watch "Jaws" backward, it will be a heartwarming story about a shark who gives arms and legs to disabled people.
A man walks into a bar and orders 3 shots of whiskey. The bartender asks, "What's got you down?"
The man says, "I just found out my niece is gay." The next day, he orders 4 shots of whiskey. The bartender asks, "What's got you down now?" The man says, "I just found out my son is gay."
The next day, he orders 6 shots of whiskey. The bartender says, "Got anybody who likes women?" The man says, "My wife does."