You jokes
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers, and says, "You guys should know your limits."
What do you call a fat girl with a rape whistle?
Optimistic.
I wasn't staring at you; I was trying to figure out if that's your forehead or the moon.
What do you call an alligator with a vest?
An investigator.
What do you call a teenage boy who doesn’t masturbate?
A liar.
Did you ever think that John F. Kennedy went for a ride in Dallas just to clear his head?
How do you start a school shooting at a black school?
Call the cops.
What do you call a fish that smokes? "A puffer."
A wife and husband had been on a strict diet, and the wife said, "You know, we've been good about our diet. Let's have a cheat night tonight." The wife came home with KFC and Wendy's. The husband came home with Sylvia from the office.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? Yeah, he's all right now.
Q: Do you know why black people have nightmares?
A: Because we shot the last one who had a dream.
What do you call a kid with Down syndrome who plays basketball?
Dribble.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away... That is... if you throw it hard enough.
My pencil sharpener when I bleed:
And I don't really care how bad it hurts. Cause you broke me first.
My depressed friend said he wanted to jump off of a bridge but he didn’t wanna commit suicide. I told him if you jump and yell "parkour," it’ll just be a failed stunt.
I love you like my cuts.
Deeply.
You're so ugly, when a pig saw you, it thought that you were their family member.
What do you need in order to crash a train?
A bad track record.
A man saw a lady with big breasts. He asked, "Excuse me, can I bite your breasts for $1000?" She agrees, so they go to a secluded corner. She opens her blouse and the man puts his face in her breasts for 10 minutes. Eventually, the lady asks, "Aren't you gonna bite them?" He replies, "No, it's too expensive."
What did one butt cheek say to the other? “Between you and me, it stinks in here!”