The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me.
I believe "Self-Babtism" is a nice way of saying "Failed Suicide Attempt"
Dark jokes are like water some people just don't get it
My girlfriend accused me of cheating. I told her she was starting to sound like my wife.
What’s the worst part about breaking up with a Japanese person
You have to drop the bomb twice before they get the message
I saw two men wearing the same clothing and walking together, so I asked both of them if they were gay. They did not hesitate arresting me after I said that.
I am still trying to figure out why paying the covid doctors a complement is so offensive. They even kicked me out and all I said was to stay positive...
"What does the word 'gay' mean?" asked a son his father.
"It means 'happy'," replied the father.
"Oh," contested the son, "so you are gay then?"
"No, son, I have a wife."
19. It’s important to establish a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between the words “antidote” and “anecdote,” one of my best friends would still be alive.
How did the Germans conquer Poland so fast? They marched in backwards and the Polish people thought they were leaving.
I asked a poor old woman if I could take her home. She smiled and said yes. However the expression on her face soon changed when I started walking away with her cardboard box.
Society: :-)
I: :')
Society: you're doing it WRONG. It's :-) not :')
I: :'D
I wasn't staring at you I was trying to figure out if that's your forehead or the moon
Brother: I can hear you using the vibrator every night, I’m right here if you need help Sister: that’s my fu__ing electric toothbrush Brother: oh, well the offer still stands.
My Grandmother died last month. The thing that bugs me to this day, I couldn't understand her last words ... through the pillow.
So i asked my mom for a bath bomb she just gave me a toaster
A mom gave her son "the talk". her son replies "wait so there really isn't candy involved? Guess Grandpa lied.
Customer: Can I get this in a smaller size and a different color?
Employee: Ma’am, this is an adoption agency, you can’t do that here!
So my dad said to me and my sister don't fight but did he mean "fist fight" or "yelling fight?"
You the bomb! No, you the bomb! A compliment in america, an argument in afghanistan
