You jokes
Motivational quote for today: if you think you're dumb, you're probably overestimating your intellectual abilities...
Hey, I just want to give a round of applause to Shooter McFly, single-handedly keeping the jokes section alive. Unappreciated, well, Shooter, one person here appreciates you, at least.
If you give a man a plane ticket, he will fly for a couple of hours, but if you push a man out of a plane, he will fly for the rest of his life :)
What's the difference between 9/11 and a cow?
You can't milk a cow for over 10 years.
Person 1: “How many ph vids have you watched today?”
Person 2: “Seven.”
Person 1: “What the fuck, dude.”
Person 2: “I know, right? I’ve gotten seven ads for Pizza Hut in the past hour.”
(Based on an encounter I had recently)
Memes
Why do blonde prostitutes prefer blowjobs?
They hate it when you hand it to them.
What do you call a Chinese assassin?
Chinese takeout.
What do you get when you mix alcohol with literature?
Tequila Mockingbird.
Have you guys heard about the crazy shadow glitch in the game Sonic X? Just google "Sonic X Shadow."
What do you call an Asian who gets a B?
It's not a B-sian.
Dead.
What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman?
Frostbite.
Jesus was drinking when he made you.
Why can't people in Africa have medicine?
Because you cannot have pills on an empty stomach.
What do you call an orphan family? None existent.
A guy asks his priest friend what he wants to eat, and the priest says "bad boys." Then his friend asks, "What kebab do you want?" and the priest says, "B Bricked up Caucasian or Asian will do."
There are perks to bringing an emo to the grocery store; you can get coupons by scanning their wrist.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I'll be a jaeger, will you be my kaiju?
What do you call a baby on the battlefield?
Free shield!
The only letters in the alphabet that you know are "KFC."
What do you call a girl furry?
A pussy cat.