You jokes
What do you get when you die in Undertale and go to Temmie Village?
DeterMIENATION
Your hairline is so far back, just like your dad is from you.
Yo mama so fat I can see where you got in from now.
How do you punish a blind person?
Hand them a gun and tell them it’s a hairdryer.
As a straight son, one day I asked my mom, "Have you ever quit something that you did before?" My mom said, "No, I never quit anything." So I asked my when you give a blow job you ever spit, then my mom said, "What did I say? Quitters are for spitters."
Me and my girlfriend were walking in the woods.
Her: I am scared!
Me: What do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone.
What do you call a German that can not see?
A Not-see.
Why can you never surprise mountains?
They peak.
Somebody told me that black slang is just white slang in reverse. For example:
White person: Dad, you're home!
Black person: Dad?
White person: You can keep the change.
Black person: Empty the register.
If you give a man a plane ticket, he will fly for a couple of hours, but if you push a man out of a plane, he will fly for the rest of his life :)
Why do blonde prostitutes prefer blowjobs?
They hate it when you hand it to them.
What do you call a Chinese assassin?
Chinese takeout.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a good body these days?
I think Jeffrey Dahmer had the right idea, just put it in the freezer.
What do you call a fat chick with a rape whistle?
Optimistic.
You also have to learn to say no. For example: “Would you like a piece of cake?” - “No, I would like two.”
What do you get when you mix alcohol with literature?
Tequila Mockingbird.
Motivational quote for today: if you think you're dumb, you're probably overestimating your intellectual abilities...
Why do you Scotchmen wear kilts?
Because sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away.
How are corpses like pools?
Once you get in, it's only cold for like a minute.
How do you put a baby astronaut to sleep?
You rocket!