You jokes

You know why Santa's saying is "Ho Ho Ho?"

How else is he supposed to give boys and girls a baby brother or sister for Christmas?

What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection? A quarter pounder with cheese.

Jesus lives on a long timeline, so he may seem slow to you.

You think on a airplane when a muslim guy gets on, people look at him and think... "Aw, fuck."

Grandma: You guy's generation is on too much technology.

Kid: Well, you're the ones that raised us.

Other family members: ...

What do you call it when a guy named Fred enters Panera Bread?

Panera Fred.

What do you call it when Panera Bread gets painted red?

Panera Red.

What do you call the musical kid who is very aware of his surroundings?

C sharp minor.

What’s the difference between an orphan and Pikachu?

Pikachu, I choose you!

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana.

Jack got high and grabbed Jill's thigh and said, "I know you wanna!"

Jill said yes, lifted up her dress, and then they had some fun,

But stupid Jill forgot the pill and now they have a son.

Say this when you answer a spam call...

"Hi, welcome to Bob's Taco Shack and Funeral Home, where yesterday's grief is today's beef."

I was an orphan as a kid, but I have never had a bitch, so I asked this cheerleader to homecoming, and she said, "Mofo, you are only coming to hoco because you need a home to go to!"

What do you call someone 400lbs with a beer? A heavy drinker.

What do you call a ruptured Chinese man?

One Hung Lo.

What do you call people from Paris?

Parasites.

What do you call a dude that is always high and gets higher than everyone else in the family? The alpha pothead!

You know, the strangest things happen. My mom said, "Step on a crack, you break your mama's back, but if you step on a line, you break your father's spine." I stepped on the line. It didn't break his spine. Mom, who is my father?

If somebody gives you lemons, cut them in half and do the juice in his eyes.

Orphans are pretty tough. I mean, you never see them running home...

Did you hear about the guy who dipped his balls in glitter? Pretty nuts!