You jokes

My girlfriend's sister told me to write her a poem. This is what I came up with:

roses are red, violets are blue, if you ever feel alone, I'm always watching you.

For centuries the Catholic Church censored everything that wouldn‘t fit with their teachings. You know what I call that?

"Chancel culture!"

What do babies and explosives have in common?

They both make a noise when you throw them.

My friend says, "You should try Oreos with water."

Me: No, because my dad actually came back with the milf.

I asked my mom if I can help her out with the cooking, she answered yes.

A few hours later, dinner was ready and dad came to join. Mother said, "Honey, can you get the mashed potatoes?" Dad said, "Why, she’s right here."

As a straight son, one day I asked my mom, "Have you ever quit something that you did before?" My mom said, "No, I never quit anything." So I asked my when you give a blow job you ever spit, then my mom said, "What did I say? Quitters are for spitters."

Me and my girlfriend were walking in the woods.

Her: I am scared!

Me: What do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone.

Me walking in to the office:

Principal: Tell me what you did?

Me: I told the special ed kid that the 4th story window was an end portal...

When you're in the middle of a test and you hear gun shots.

What do you call a suicide bomber in a wheelchair?

An RC-XD.

I'm 50% human, so that 50% stupid is 100% you.

You learn from mistakes!

That's why you're an only child!

* Sans at Sans' favorite restaurant* Sans: Hey, Frisk, what do you eat today?

Frisk: One knife, plz.

Sans: Ok, one knife, plz.

Waiter: You eat a knife?

Frisk: Yes.

*Waiter asking for one knife*

Waiter: Here you go.

Frisk: Thanks you.

What is the only part of a vegetable you can’t eat?

The wheelchair.

A brother and sister were hanging out, and the brother was sad, so the sister asked why. The brother replies with, "I think I need to break up with you!"

How did people bully Helen Keller? They said, "Wow, that was the coolest thing ever! You really should have seen it!"

Did you know about the guy who invented knock knock jokes?

He won the no-Bell prize.

Yo mama so stupid, she failed a survey.

Your hairline is so far back, just like your dad is from you.

Yo mama so fat I can see where you got in from now.