You jokes

How are corpses like pools?

Once you get in, it's only cold for like a minute.

What do you call a Mexican fighting a Catholic priest?

Alien vs. Predator.

How do you punish a blind person?

Hand them a gun and tell them it’s a hairdryer.

As a straight son, one day I asked my mom, "Have you ever quit something that you did before?" My mom said, "No, I never quit anything." So I asked my when you give a blow job you ever spit, then my mom said, "What did I say? Quitters are for spitters."

Me and my girlfriend were walking in the woods.

Her: I am scared!

Me: What do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone.

What do you call a suicide bomber in a wheelchair?

An RC-XD.

Are you the Twin Towers? I can't stand you.

What do you get when you die in Undertale and go to Temmie Village?

DeterMIENATION

Your hairline is so far back, just like your dad is from you.

NASA called me and they said they reached your hairline.

How do you get a retard out of a tree?

Wave at them.

Have you guys heard about the crazy shadow glitch in the game Sonic X? Just google "Sonic X Shadow."

What do you call an Asian who gets a B?

It's not a B-sian.

Dead.

Why can’t you have a proper conversation with a gay person?

They’re never straight with you.

What do you call it when you choose Panera Bread over something else?

Panera instead.

Even people who are good for nothing can bring a smile to your face.

For instance, when you push them down the stairs.

How do you stop an argument between two deaf people? Switch off the lights.

What do you call a coffee without water? Africano.

If you hate what you hear from Nickelback, at least you can get your nickel back.

If you have to deal with the noise from Deftones... unfortunately, not only are you unable to obtain any refund, but you may have become permanently deaf.

Did you hear about the guy who was arrested for stealing luggage? Unfortunately, he lost his case.