You jokes

How do you punish a blind person?

Hand them a gun and tell them it’s a hairdryer.

Me walking in to the office:

Principal: Tell me what you did?

Me: I told the special ed kid that the 4th story window was an end portal...

Want to save 50% on your Chinese?

Just ask before you pay.

Why do emo kids cost so much?

Because they’re the only people you can scan at the checkout machine.

What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?

You pull the pin and throw it back!

How do you disrespect an Asian?

Give them driving lessons.

What do you call an inexpensive circumcision? A rip-off.

Your hairline is so far back, just like your dad is from you.

What do you do when you finish a magazine in the hospital?

Reload and keep firing!

What do you call an anorexic bitch with a yeast infection?

A quarter pounder with cheese.

Hey, I just want to give a round of applause to Shooter McFly, single-handedly keeping the jokes section alive. Unappreciated, well, Shooter, one person here appreciates you, at least.

Why do blonde prostitutes prefer blowjobs?

They hate it when you hand it to them.

What do you call a nun on a bike?

Virgin Mobile.

Motivational quote for today: if you think you're dumb, you're probably overestimating your intellectual abilities...

How are corpses like pools?

Once you get in, it's only cold for like a minute.

Dating 101:

Here's what you do:

1. Dinner. 2. Kiss. 3. Movie. 4. Sex. 5. Bring her back home. 6. Get paid 15 bucks for babysitting.

How do you get a retard out of a tree?

Wave at them.

Have you guys heard about the crazy shadow glitch in the game Sonic X? Just google "Sonic X Shadow."

If you give a man a plane ticket, he will fly for a couple of hours, but if you push a man out of a plane, he will fly for the rest of his life :)

Did you know Paul Walker was a method actor? He took his role very seriously as a human torch.