You jokes
What do you call a blind and illiterate military leader?
Winston Churchill.
Did you ever see any white men drowning in the Atlantic Ocean?
Yeah, it went on and on.
If you got a priest, a Rhodes scholar, and a politician in a room, what would you get?
The Royal Commission.
Alternatively, Tony Abbott.
What's the difference between a gun and a penis?
The American government does not define you as having the constitutional right to a penis.
Her: "Land of the free".
Me: *fat*
Her: What do you mean?
Me: It's not fat-free.
Memes
The next time I knock on your door, I'll hit you instead of the door.
What do you get when you cross a vampire with a teacher?
Lots of blood tests!
How many babies does it take to paint a house? It depends how hard you throw them.
What did the full glass say to the empty glass? "You look drunk!"
"It's not a war crime if you win the war."
- Sun Tzu, The Art of War
One like and whatever you say in the comments I'll do, but one rule: it can only be 2-4 hours in or out of Gloucestershire and South Gloucestershire.
You're so poor you put paper cutlery in the dishwasher.
You went to the bed store asking for a water bed. They put a pillow and sheets on the ocean.
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Knife." "Knife, who?" "How are you still alive? I just stabbed you!"
What chips are you not allowed to give to orphans?
Family size.
Did you hear about the orphan that tried to high five a tree? It left her hanging.
You twin towers because I'm tryna ram in you tonight.
What do you call an orphan family photo?
A selfie.
What do women and screen doors have in common? The more you bang them, the looser they get.
I don't understand why people hate it when they hear a dad joke. They are actually pretty funny, and I will show you Y. (shows a picture of the letter Y)