Fear jokes
How do you help a depressed kid face their fears... You count to 3 and say jump?
I have a fear of speed bumps. But I am slowly getting over it.
My worst fear is being trapped in a lift with a man who is confident he can fix it.
Friend: How's it going?
Me: Good, things are good!
Parent: How are you?
Me: Oh, I'm fine!
Twitter: Compose new tweet?
Me: Hellooooo, I would like to tell you about my anxiety & my current greatest fears & let's talk about the impending apocalypse while we're at it.
I used to have a fear of hurdles.
But I got over it.
Me after hearing
One night, a girl said to her family, "Goodnight Mommy, Goodnight Daddy, Goodnight Grandma, Goodbye Grandpa." The next morning, her grandpa died. That night, she said, "Goodnight Mommy, Goodnight Daddy, Goodbye Grandma." The next morning, the grandma died. The dad started to fear for his life because he was next. That night, the girl said, "Goodnight Mommy, Goodbye Daddy." The next morning, the dad woke up and he was perfectly fine, but when he went into the kitchen, he saw his wife crying. When he asked her what's wrong, she said, "The mailman died."
Why is 6 afraid of 7?
It’s not. Numbers aren’t sentient and are therefore incapable of feeling fear.
Chuck Norris has a bear rug in his living room. It's not dead or anything, it's just too scared to move.
What does a mother fear most?
Hearing "YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER!" for 5 different men.
A suicide bomber's biggest fear is dying alone.
What do you call someone who’s afraid of breaststroke? Chicken breast.
A pilot is having a talk with one of his passengers. The passenger asks, "Why did you become a pilot?" The pilot replies with, "To face my fears." The passenger then says, "You're afraid of heights?" "No, I'm afraid of dying alone."
Why is six afraid of seven? Because seven ate nine.
Why is ten afraid? Because he’s in between nine and eleven.
"Why don't skeletons go skydiving?"
"Because they don't have the guts... or the parachute!"
Why was six afraid of seven?
Because seven eight nine.
Why was 10 scared? Because it was scared of 9/11. And why did I have to take a fall? I have nothing to do with the big II.
Public speaking is a more popular fear than snakes, and you don't see anyone walking in Australia and shout, "Look out! A podium!"
Why are Black people afraid of ghosts?
Because ghosts remind them of the KKK.
One day I told a kid what 2 x 12 was. He said he didn't know. I said let's go to my basement and figure it out. He is still in my basement trying to do the equation.
I fear my last words will be "hold my beer and watch this."