Fear jokes

I have a fear of speed bumps. But I am slowly getting over it.

One night, a girl said to her family, "Goodnight Mommy, Goodnight Daddy, Goodnight Grandma, Goodbye Grandpa." The next morning, her grandpa died. That night, she said, "Goodnight Mommy, Goodnight Daddy, Goodbye Grandma." The next morning, the grandma died. The dad started to fear for his life because he was next. That night, the girl said, "Goodnight Mommy, Goodbye Daddy." The next morning, the dad woke up and he was perfectly fine, but when he went into the kitchen, he saw his wife crying. When he asked her what's wrong, she said, "The mailman died."

How do you help a depressed kid face their fears... You count to 3 and say jump?

I used to have a fear of hurdles.

But I got over it.

A pilot is having a talk with one of his passengers. The passenger asks, "Why did you become a pilot?" The pilot replies with, "To face my fears." The passenger then says, "You're afraid of heights?" "No, I'm afraid of dying alone."

Why is 6 afraid of 7?

It’s not. Numbers aren’t sentient and are therefore incapable of feeling fear.

A young blonde woman fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a shop and buys a handgun.

The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. The hysterical blonde tells her husband: "Shut up... you're next!"

Public speaking is a more popular fear than snakes, and you don't see anyone walking in Australia and shout, "Look out! A podium!"

What does a mother fear most?

Hearing "YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER!" for 5 different men.

A man books a session to see a therapist, as he claims he has a strong fear of the 15th, 9th and 3rd letters of the alphabet. So once the therapist, let's call him Frank, has jotted that down on his notebook, he says, "Oh, I see."

My worst fear is being trapped in a lift with a man who is confident he can fix it.

Bible Verse of The Day - For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba, Father." The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children.

—Romans 8:15-16

Friend: How's it going?

Me: Good, things are good!

Parent: How are you?

Me: Oh, I'm fine!

Twitter: Compose new tweet?

Me: Hellooooo, I would like to tell you about my anxiety & my current greatest fears & let's talk about the impending apocalypse while we're at it.

Roses are red, violets are blue. If you ever feel alone, I'm always watching you.

I'm not going to bungee jump. I was born because of broken rubber and I'm not gonna die the same way.

So, a guy is walking with a young boy into the woods.

Boy: "Hey mister, it's getting dark out and I'm scared!"

Man: "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone!"

Me: Have you ever went sky diving?

Friend: No.

Me: Well don't, it sucks.

Friend: Why?

Me: They gave me a parachute and I lived.

A suicide bomber's biggest fear is dying alone.

Remember, if you are suffering from paranoia...

You are not alone.

If you say to someone, "Have a nice day!" it will make them happy. If you say, "Enjoy the next 24 hours," they'll be terrified.