A German went to France for holiday and here is the scene, French border staff: Occupation? German: No, no, no, just visiting.
A German, an Australian, and a Mexican are on a plane. They say that they can tell where they are by sticking their hands out of the pane.
The German sticks his hand out and says "We are in Germany." The others ask, "How do you know," the German says, "Because it's so cold."
Then the Australian sticks his hand out and says "We are in Australia," the others ask "How do you know," he replies "Because it's so warm."
Then the Mexican sticks his hand out and back in. He says " We are in Mexico," the others ask "How do you know," he says " Because my watch is gone"
No matter how kind you are, German children are kinder.
My German girlfriend likes to rate our sex between 1-10.
Last night we tried anal, she kept shouting 9!
That's the best I've done so far.
A professor was talking about the american dream. then, he asked the german exchange student if there was a german dream, to which the student replies "we did, but no one liked it."
My friend group is pretty diverse. I'm Japanese, one friend is Filipino, one is American, one is Italian, and the last one is German.
Out of everyone in the friend group, the Filipino and the American were the quickest to feel uncomfortable when I asked, "Who wants to go on a march with me?"
How did the germans conquer poland so fast? they marched in backwards and the polish people thought they were leaving.
How do you escape a French prison?
Yell angrily in German.
Three people die on the same day: a German, an American, and an Italian. They all go to Hell for various reasons. American: I won't ever see my dog again! Italian: I won't ever make pizzas again! German: Hey, granddad, how have you been?
A german soldier is walking down the street during a hail storm when a lady suddenly falls over after being hit. He, along with a few others, walk over to her. One man asks, "What happened?" and the soldier replies, "Hail hit her." (say the joke aloud and it will make more sense)
Why do they bury Germans 20 feet down when they die, instead of the usual 6 feet? Because deep down, Germans are ok.
How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb? -- One. They are efficient and don't have humor.
Nobody Literally nobody Gordan Ramsey: do you need me to bring Hitler back to life so he can show you how to use a fucking oven
How do you say Brazier in German?
Stop em’ from flopp’n (German accent)
A woman gets rid of polish with chemicals and no one bats an eye The Germans got rid of polish with chemicals and everyone lost their mind
my grandpa killed 100 german soldiers he was the worst german piolet ever
When a clock goes forward, it's tic-tac, but when Rommel goes backwards, its tactic!
To be the perfect German you need to be as thin as Göring, as tall as Goebbles and as blonde as Hitler.
i don't say funny stuff because I'm afraid they will take the German passport from me
Question: how bad is german wifi?Answer: it´s the wurst.