German Jokes

Lily

A German went to France for holiday and here is the scene, French border staff: Occupation? German: No, no, no, just visiting.

Anonymous

No matter how kind you are, German children are kinder.

0
Anonymous

A woman gets rid of polish with chemicals and no one bats an eye The Germans got rid of polish with chemicals and everyone lost their mind

Anonymous

A professor was talking about the american dream. then, he asked the german exchange student if there was a german dream, to which the student replies “we did, but no one liked it.”

1
Anonymous

How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb? – One. They are efficient and don’t have humor.

0
Ya Boi

A german soldier is walking down the street during a hail storm when a lady suddenly falls over after being hit. He, along with a few others, walk over to her. One man asks, “What happened?” and the soldier replies, “Hail hit her.” (say the joke aloud and it will make more sense)

5
Anonymous

My German girlfriend likes to rate our sex between 1-10.

Last night we tried anal, she kept shouting 9!

That’s the best I’ve done so far.

Tom

How do you escape a French prison?

Yell angrily in German.

0
GayStinky

Three people die on the same day: a German, an American, and an Italian. They all go to Hell for various reasons. American: I won’t ever see my dog again! Italian: I won’t ever make pizzas again! German: Hey, granddad, how have you been?

RyanRLinden

Why do they bury Germans 20 feet down when they die, instead of the usual 6 feet? Because deep down, Germans are ok.

0
Bob77
in Offensive

So a Irish man is walking his poodle and his buddy comes running up to him saying there’s a new pub in town and they’re giving out free pints. So the man picks up his dog and runs like hell to the bar. But the bar owner stops him and says sorry you can’t go in. The Irish man says why can’t I go in? Well you have a dog sir and that sign over there says no dogs aloud your going to have to leave him outside. Well the Irish man thinks quick and says. I’m blind it’s a seeing eye dog. The owner says that’s ridiculous a seeing eye dog would be a German shepherd or golden Labrador or something like that. The Irish man says well what kind of dog did they give me??😂

0
lol btw

my grandpa killed 100 german soldiers he was the worst german piolet ever

Anonymous

What do you call a blind German A not see

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Anonymous

what do you call a blind german?

a notsee

Anonymous

To be the perfect German you need to be as thin as Göring, as tall as Goebbles and as blonde as Hitler.

2
Gh0st

When a clock goes forward, it’s tic-tac, but when Rommel goes backwards, its tactic!

Anonymous

Nobody Literally nobody Gordan Ramsey: do you need me to bring Hitler back to life so he can show you how to use a fucking oven

2
Anonymous

3 people died and went to Hell. One of them is from America, the second guy is from Germany, and the third guy is from Afghanistan. The devil lets each person make a phone call to their loved ones in the country they came from but they will be charged. The American spends 10 minutes on the phone and is charged $20. The German spends 12 minutes on the phone and is charged $24. The man from Afghanistan spends half an hour on the phone and is charged nothing. The other two guys asked the devil why. The devil responded: “Local calls are free”.

8
Anonymous
in Adult

How did the germans conquer poland so fast? they marched in backwards and the polish people thought they were leaving.

D......fickenkid

What do you call a German lesbian? A krautmuncher.