German Jokes

A German went to France for a holiday and here is the scene. French border staff asked, "Occupation?" The German replied, "No, no, no, just visiting."

A professor was talking about the american dream. then, he asked the german exchange student if there was a german dream, to which the student replies "we did, but no one liked it."

No matter how kind you are, German children are kinder.

A German, an Australian, and a Mexican are on a plane. They say that they can tell where they are by sticking their hands out of the pane.

The German sticks his hand out and says "We are in Germany." The others ask, "How do you know," the German says, "Because it's so cold."

Then the Australian sticks his hand out and says "We are in Australia," the others ask "How do you know," he replies "Because it's so warm."

Then the Mexican sticks his hand out and back in. He says " We are in Mexico," the others ask "How do you know," he says " Because my watch is gone"

Nobody Literally nobody Gordan Ramsey: do you need me to bring Hitler back to life so he can show you how to use a fucking oven

Three people die on the same day: a German, an American, and an Italian. They all go to Hell for various reasons. American: I won't ever see my dog again! Italian: I won't ever make pizzas again! German: Hey, granddad, how have you been?

A german soldier is walking down the street during a hail storm when a lady suddenly falls over after being hit. He, along with a few others, walk over to her. One man asks, "What happened?" and the soldier replies, "Hail hit her." (say the joke aloud and it will make more sense)

How do you escape a French prison?

Yell angrily in German.

What do you call a blind German A not see

How did the Germans conquer Poland so fast? They marched in backwards and the Polish people thought they were leaving.

When a clock goes forward, it's tic-tac, but when Rommel goes backwards, its tactic!

My friend group is pretty diverse. I'm Japanese, one friend is Filipino, one is American, one is Italian, and the last one is German.

Out of everyone in the friend group, the Filipino and the American were the quickest to feel uncomfortable when I asked, "Who wants to go on a march with me?"

So a Irish man is walking his poodle and his buddy comes running up to him saying there’s a new pub in town and they’re giving out free pints. So the man picks up his dog and runs like hell to the bar. But the bar owner stops him and says sorry you can’t go in. The Irish man says why can’t I go in? Well you have a dog sir and that sign over there says no dogs aloud your going to have to leave him outside. Well the Irish man thinks quick and says. I’m blind it’s a seeing eye dog. The owner says that’s ridiculous a seeing eye dog would be a German shepherd or golden Labrador or something like that. The Irish man says well what kind of dog did they give me??😂

Question: how bad is german wifi?Answer: it ́s the wurst.