Corpse jokes

Conservatives when they hear about “liberal arts:” 👊😡

Liberals when they find out about forest conservation: 😩👐

Progressives when they see a reaction video: 🤬

Reactionaries when a Progressive ad comes on (Flo is annoying): 😱

Anticoms realizing they are a part of a “community:” *seizure*

Anticaps when they have to Capitalize Their Words: 😤

Anti-monarchists when they pass a Burger King: 🫨

Antisocs when they are told to “socialize:” 🫠

Corporatists when they see a corpse: 🤤

Antifash when they spot a fashion show: 🤮

Classical liberals when the TV shows Family Feud: 😑🔫

Extremists when they are told to shoot “dead center” (they have bad aim): 😠🖕

An orphan saw a tornado, and he thought he saw his mom, but then he realized it was a corpse and said, "Hi, Dad!"

I was spending my holiday in Paris with my gf. As we were walking near the city, a meteor hit and killed my gf.

Forensics did an autopsy on the corpse and concluded that someone missed a pen and hit my gf from the PSG training ground. SHAME ON YOU PESSI FOR RUINING MY LIFE! 🤬😡

What is the worst thing to do at a funeral?

The corpse.

What's the difference between an orphan and a corpse?

One of them has someone to mourn them.

Johnny had 55 pineapples. He threw three at his friend. How many does he have now?

None, because he was pistol whipped then shot at point blank range with a sawed off shotgun covered in fluoroantimonic acid which burned a hole in his skull causing his brain to melt and rupture nerve cells all over his friends. Then his arms and legs were stuffed into a wheat thresher which was used to harvest the meat of the enslaved children. Then his corpse was molested.

Noose: "Hey man, wanna hang out?"

Corpse: "Sorry man, I'm dead inside."

What is a necrophile's least favorite game?

The Walking Dead.

I work at a morgue and we wrap the bodies in bubble wrap.

I was working the night shift and just looking at the security cameras, but then I heard popping behind me!

When you're banging the class slut and the school shooter says to leave his corpses alone.

what do you call it when a person dies in Panera Bread?

Panera dead.

I snorted a line of coke off my 8-year-old sister’s tiny prepubescent vag. She just laid there and let me do it without complaining, probably because she was already dead.

Once upon a time, there was a man named Daniel. He was blind and deaf, and he worked at a morgue.

So, one time poor Dan got confused and started having sex with the rotting corpse.

He then came home and thought he was at the morgue, so he started disintegrating his sleeping wife.

Can I pin your corpse to a tree?

What's worse than getting raped in a cemetery? Finding someone else's semen in your mom's corpse.

What's white as snow within 15-25 mins after death and then black and blue and red all over?

A corpse, of course!

How are corpses like pools?

Once you get in, it's only cold for like a minute.

Corpses aren’t funny—they’re dead serious.

They asked me to speak at this funeral, and I said, "Of corpse!"

What game do zombies like to play?

Corpse and Robbers.