Corpse jokes
Johnny had 55 pineapples. He threw three at his friend. How many does he have now?
None, because he was pistol whipped then shot at point blank range with a sawed off shotgun covered in fluoroantimonic acid which burned a hole in his skull causing his brain to melt and rupture nerve cells all over his friends. Then his arms and legs were stuffed into a wheat thresher which was used to harvest the meat of the enslaved children. Then his corpse was molested.
if a toy from Toy Story died, the kid wouldn't know, and the other toys would just have to watch as their kid played with the corpse.
A man is walking on a bridge and sees a lady over the railing.
Man: "Ah, suicidal eh? Are you gonna jump?" Lady: "Yep. I hate this world." Man: "Well, if you're gonna die, can we have sex before you jump?" Lady: "Hell no! You creep!" Man: "Ok, fine. I guess I'll just wait until your corpse washes onto the shore."
What does a necrophiliac get at a wedding?
Mourning wood.
Place a man in a morgue, he'll try to leave.
Place a doctor in a morgue, he'll go to work.
Place a necrophiliac in a morgue, he'll stay happy for a week.
What do alcoholics and necrophiliacs have in common?
They both like cracking open a cold one.
What game do zombies like to play?
Corpse and Robbers.
I came across a dead body in the woods. I liked it so much I came again.
I have a question: Does aging affect corpses, too?
Just asking to know if I still count as a pedophile or not!
what do you call it when a person dies in Panera Bread?
Panera dead.
When you're banging the class slut and the school shooter says to leave his corpses alone.
How did Billy find out he was in a minefield?
He saw his dad's corpse holding a jug of milk.
I snorted a line of coke off my 8-year-old sister’s tiny prepubescent vag. She just laid there and let me do it without complaining, probably because she was already dead.
A student was peeking in on a 10/10 chick, and the guy was about to nut.
The school shooter patted his back and told him to leave his corpses alone.
How are corpses like pools?
Once you get in, it's only cold for like a minute.
Corpses aren’t funny—they’re dead serious.
They asked me to speak at this funeral, and I said, "Of corpse!"
Can I pin your corpse to a tree?
Noose: "Hey man, wanna hang out?"
Corpse: "Sorry man, I'm dead inside."
What is a necrophile's least favorite game?
The Walking Dead.