You jokes
Hey, guys! Just a quick reminder to spread kindness today and treat others how you want to be treated!
Rate your day on a scale of 1-10 in the comments below. Mine was about a 7. Also, can you guys please comment [on] what you guys want me to cover in these little messages? Sometimes it's hard to tell if you guys like that I'm doing this kind of stuff or not.
There was a little boy named Chris who was addicted to Roblox.
One day, his grandpa fell into a deep coma caused by a head injury.
One day, little Chris went to visit his poor grandpa. He brought his Windows 10 too, but it had no charge in it. After pulling out some wires and placing his into the wall, he started to hear a long beeping sound, but ignored it and continued to play Roblox. Chris's parents came and saw what had happened.
The dad then yelled, "You dumb f***, you killed my father!!!"
Then Chris said "Yeah. He was worth robucks, too."
Hitler walks into his meeting room, turns to his trusted staff, and says, “I want you to organize the execution of 10,000 Jews and one kitten.”
Everyone looks around the table and, after a long silence, Goering pipes up. “Mein Fuhrer, why do you want to kill a kitten?”
Hitler smiles and turns to the rest of the table. “You see, no one cares about the Jews.”
A little boy got the homework that he had to learn the four first letters of the alphabet. He went to his mother, who was knitting and had hurt herself. He asked her what the first letter of the alphabet was, and she said a swear word. He went to his brother, who was playing with a Superman, and asked what the second letter of the alphabet was, and he answered "SUPERMAN!!!". Then he went to his little sister, and asked what the third letter of the alphabet was, and given the fact that she was playing with Barbies, she said, "in the Barbie Dream House!" Then he went to his father who was watching a soccer game, and his team just scored, so when he asked what the fourth letter of the alphabet was, he said, "Olé Olé Olé!!!". The next day at school, the teacher asked the little boy what the first four letters of the alphabet were. He said the swear word. "WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, YOUNG MAN!!!", the teacher boomed. "Superman", the boy replied. "WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!?!?!", the teacher continued. "In the Barbie Dream House" "GO TO THE PRINCIPALS OFFICE!!!" "OLÉ OLÉ OLÉ OLÉ!", the boy chanted on his was down the hall.
What do you call a planet that poops? Uranus.
For 15 cents a day, you can feed an African child. They eat spare change, I guess.
What do you call a girl with no arms and no legs?
Names.
Where would you take Stephen Hawking if he dies, the funeral directors or PC World?
When you get a pop-up book of the Qur'an and it just explodes as soon as you turn the page XD.
I don't know if this is a joke or a question, but:
If killing yourself sends you to hell, where does sitting in the waiting room get you?
While I was out shopping, I tripped in a store and a lady would not stop staring at me. For fun, I said, "Sorry! It's been a while since I've possessed a body." She looked horrified.
Dads are like boomerangs... I hope!
Son: Dad, why is my name Experience? Dad: Son, Experience is the name we give our mistakes.
You won't eat a human, so why eat meat? Bold of you to presume I won't eat a person.
Three women—a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead—are riding through the desert on a dune buggy. About two hours later, their vehicle dies with no gas, and they're forced to travel to their destination on foot, but they all agree to carry something with them.
The brunette brings canteens of water.
The redhead takes a large beach umbrella.
The blonde somehow rips off the car door.
The redhead asks her, "Why did you take the whole car door?"
To which the blonde replied, "So I can roll down the window in case it gets too hot."
Name the emojis, and if you do, then you get 900/900 points for knowing all the emojis! Type in the comment section.
1. 😀 What's this emoji meaning? 2. 😃 What's this emoji meaning? 3. 😚 What's this emoji meaning? 4. 😁 What's this emoji meaning? 5. 😍 What's this emoji meaning? 6. 😋 What's this emoji meaning? 7. 🧐 What's this emoji meaning? 8. 😟 What's this emoji meaning? 9. 😳 What's this emoji meaning? 10. 😟 What's this emoji meaning? 11. 😰😨 What's this emoji meaning? 12. 😏 What's this emoji meaning? 13. 😬 What's this emoji meaning? 14. 🤐😣 What's this emoji meaning? 15. 😦🥺 What's this emoji meaning?
The winner who will win will be getting 900/900 points!
A man walks into a bar and sees a jar of ten dollar bills, so he asks the bartender if it's a jar of tips. The bartender says no, it's for a bet. So the man asks what the bet is and the bartender says, "Well, if you put ten dollars into the jar then knock out the bouncer, next you go outside and remove a rotten tooth out of the rottweiler's mouth, and last you go upstairs and give an orgasm to the fat lady who has never had one. If you can do all those things then you get everything in the jar as well as free drinks for the month." So the guy puts in ten dollars, turns to the guy next to him and knocks him out with one punch. Then the guy continues outside, all you hear for an hour is screaming and whining from the dog. When all is silent, the man walks in and asks, "So where is the fat lady with the tooth?"
What do you call a kid with Down syndrome trying to beat Minecraft?
“A sped runner.”
My crush: OMG, my dog just died!😭😭😭😭😭
Me: Oh my goodness, I am so sorry. I am here for you!
My crush: I have a boyfriend...🙄
Me: Yeah well, I have a dog.
What do you call a two-dimensional owl? A Paper Towl!
Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It's fine, he woke up.
What do you call a flying octopus?
An octocopter! 🚁
This whole page is pure trash. Fuck all of you.