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I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. A week later, he told me it was the most violent book he ever read.

Donald Trump wants to ban the sale of pre-shredded cheese. – He wants to make America grate again.

“I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. A week later, he told me it was the most violent book he ever read.”

What do you call a rich white man? Cracker with Cheese!

Two’s company, cheese a crowd!

Today was a bad day, their was a man throwing butter and cheese at me, how dairy

what do you call a Anorexic bitch with a yeast infection Quarter pounder with cheese.

I gave my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. Next week he told me it was the most violent book he ever read

I awoke in the middle of the night, to the sound of a thunderous pounding noise. The house was literally three rooms small so i could pinpoint the sound fairly easy, It was coming from Johns room, it was then i realized that Lewis and Kian were gone, it was then i noticed the huge hole in the wall which was sticky to the touch. I put my eye to hole to take a peek, it was met by a chode with ginger pubes, i recoiled instantly. I tried to make a run for it to make it downstairs i then remembered there was no downstairs. I made it to the hallway to find my escape blocked by no other than john with kian at his flank. He whispered “Its ok Oliver Hebden-Smith, your safe now” Kian proceeded to advance on my position i ducked and rolled to evade his grasp, his wart and spot covered hands brushing my skin. Kian fell over after running towards me and had an asthma attack. John was still in my way he looked almost angry now. “YOU KINKY SHIT” he bellowed. Out of nowhere i felt arms around me i turned to discover it was Mr Murphy. I broke from Mr Murphy’s grasp to make it the the front door. As i made my way to escape I ran into my worst nightmare, the door flung open and standing there in all their glory was Kians two fat lesbo neighbours. They charged at me trying to take me down. I could hear her neck snap as i drop kicked the first one. I then disposed of the blind one by triple power bombing her. With them out of the equation i dashed to the door. John was too fast and swiftly made it to the door , the locked it with key then shoved it up Lewis’s butchin. John looked pissed now. John lunges at me. Suffocating me in his vice like grip. He carried me to his room while he chanted “Your safe now”. Borthwick poked his head out and said “nice of you to join us” i said croakly “f... off borthwick look at your trim.” Borthwick then looked at the ground sadly and lonely and left Kian’s. Sadly my fate did not end the same as John chained me up in his room. While in johns room i could hear the distant screams of the children he must be keeping below, by the sounds of it they were infants. “Oh im gonna punish you boy” John said as he brushed his foreskin against my chest. He then walked away and asked me … “ye want some crisps”. He came back with 4 packets of cheese and onion and shoved each individual crisp either up my arse or down my japs eye. While i was recovering from this severe pain he continously rubbed his bellend on my nostril. He then took my off the wall and tied me to the table. He then trimmed his toenails and threw the clippings at me. I was disgusted beyond belief and had been crying for a long time. Then a last hope appeared, i got a phone call from Jimbo Simpson i answered and screamed for help. Jimbo came charging like a bull within seconds braking down the door. I gave my battle cry “Sticky to the touch” so jimbo could instantly locate me. He took down john and devoured in one bite. He threw me out the window. I had finally escaped.

Why dont lesbians have sex in the morning. Have you ever tried pulling apart a grilled cheese

Mary Poppins went to a restaurant and ordered cheese, eggs and cauliflower. When she left, she had written something in the complaint box: super cauliflower, eggs but cheese was quite atrocious. (Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious)

“I’m sorry,” the doctor says, “you have rare and very contagious disease. We must quarantine you and you’ll only be fed cheese and bologna.”

“Will that cure me?” the patient asks.

“Well, no,” the doctor replies, “but it’s the only food that will fit under the door.”

What did the indian cheese say to the other cheese? Tu cheese badi hai mast mast

What do you call a band made of cheese? Grate That

I saw a piece of cheese and it told me a joke. but the joke was to cheesy

Did you hear about that cheese factory that exploded in France? There was nothing left but de Brie!

If you want any pictures of cheese for your laptop, I’ve got enough to Philadelphia.

The other day a man with some cheese and milk attacked me …how dairy

The early bird might get the worm…

But the second mouse gets the cheese.

What did the pizzas say to the pizza maker? CHEESE-US!