Skydiving jokes
If at first you don’t succeed... then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.
Sometimes I think back on all the people I’ve lost and remember why I stopped being a tour guide.
Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.
You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”
Why can’t Helen Keller jump out of an airplane?
It scares the shit out of her dog.
Why don't you take emo skydiving?
They cut the rope.
What's the difference between Rorochan and skydivers?
One does it for the cash, the other for the views.
You don't need a parachute to go skydiving. You only need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
Your mama is so fat. When she went skydiving, it caused a global panic.
Why don't orphans go skydiving?
Because they don't have the "Morley."
Why don't women parachute naked?
That annoying whistling sound on the way down.
I thought about learning skydiving without having to afford gear. But the highest place I got is my apartment window.
So why don’t blind people go sky diving? It scares the hell out of their seeing eye dog.
When does a blind person know when he’s about to hit the ground? The leash goes slack.
Give a man a plane ticket and he will fly for a day.
Push a man out of a plane and he will fly for the rest of his life.
There are three people in a plane that is about to crash: Trump, Obama, and a nine-year-old girl, but only two parachutes. Obama says, "Oh my, I need one. I need to protect my family," so he jumps off! Trump says, "Oh, I am the smartest man in the world. I must take it," so he jumps off. The nine-year-old girl says, "Welp, I guess he took my school backpack" :) so she leaves the plane! What a good ending.
Me: Have you ever went sky diving?
Friend: No.
Me: Well don't, it sucks.
Friend: Why?
Me: They gave me a parachute and I lived.
Why don't blind people skydive?
Because it scares their dogs too much!
If your parachute fails midair, remember, you have the rest of your life to fix it.
What do you call a drunk, depressed man that skydives?
Splattered.
Sally jumped out a plane, she forgot her parachute!
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not Sally...
How did she die?
A bomb came down whilst falling through the sky.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
A bomb.
What's the difference between a parachute and a coffin?
One brings you safely to the ground, and the other is a last resort when you've already hit it.
You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving, you need a parachute to go skydiving twice.