You Jokes

What do you call it when a guy named Fred enters Panera Bread?

Panera Fred.

What do you call a bunch of white guys sitting on a bench?

The NBA because all the black guys are playing.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana.

Jack got high and grabbed Jill's thigh and said, "I know you wanna!"

Jill said yes, lifted up her dress, and then they had some fun,

But stupid Jill forgot the pill and now they have a son.

Bully: I can't understand you because I don't speak ugly language.

Me: And I don't speak idiot language.

I was an orphan as a kid, but I have never had a bitch, so I asked this cheerleader to homecoming, and she said, "Mofo, you are only coming to hoco because you need a home to go to!"

A Chinese guy said to his friend: "I saw you fucking your donkey yesterday."

His friend: "No, that's impossible, it's too hot inside."

What do you call a guy at your doorstep with no arms or legs? Matt.

Did you hear about that musical that was sung by some obsidian?

It rocked!

How do you kill Hellen Keller?

Take her on a walk off a cliff.

To whoever stole my antidepressants, why do you need them?

You can say he is not your type until you realize your type is not typing.

Why are people disappointments? Because you are reading this.

I'd give you a nasty look, but you've already got one.

I was gonna tell you a Kobe Bryant joke.

But it would just crash and burn.

Did you know that they are making a movie about the four boys who lost their lives on the ice? They're calling the movie "The Lost Boys."

The Ruler of Varvona wanted a fruitcake, but his subjects showed up at his castle with a Christian instead.

And he said: "NO, NO, NO! YOU IMBECILES! NOT THAT KIND OF FRUITCAKE!"

Girl, you are so ugly that when you look in the mirror, it shatters, more than your relationship.

What part of a vegetable can't you eat? The wheelchair.

Guess what you get when you cross a dark side and your king?

Are you twinning today? Because The Rock would be shocked!