You jokes
Christopher and Tony were tempted for a beer, but they only had 2 dollars each.
Christopher got an idea and ran away to the butcher to see if he could get something good. He came back with a sausage. So they went to a pub and ordered 2 beers and 2 whiskeys.
"Are you crazy?!" said Tony to Christopher. "We don't have any money!"
"Take it easy now," said Christopher. "I have a plan."
When they finished drinking everything up, Christopher put the sausage through his own zipper and begged Tony to bend on his knees and take the sausage with his mouth.
The bartender saw what they did and threw them out without even paying. So Christopher and Tony kept doing the same thing pub after pub after pub.
After the 10th pub, Tony said: "I can't do this anymore. I am drunk, and my knees are in too much pain to even handle the walk."
"How do you think I feel?" said Christopher, exhausted. "I dropped the sausage in the 3rd pub!"
What do you call a nun on a bike?
Virgin Mobile.
How are corpses like pools?
Once you get in, it's only cold for like a minute.
What do you call a black goldfish? A gigger.
What do you call a Mexican fighting a Catholic priest?
Alien vs. Predator.
FOR REAL
Why can you never surprise mountains?
They peak.
What do you call a coffee without water? Africano.
You really put the R in special.
A: What did the lawyer say to the amputee?
Q: You haven't got a leg to stand on.
What do you call a German that can not see?
A Not-see.
What do you do after fucking the loosest pussy ever?
Close the casket.
What do you call a guy in a wheelchair that lives with the royal family?
Rolls Royce.
Want to save 50% on your Chinese?
Just ask before you pay.
Q: What do you call an Asian paralympian?
A: Lim Ping.
Why do emo kids cost so much?
Because they’re the only people you can scan at the checkout machine.
What do you do when you finish a magazine in the hospital?
Reload and keep firing!
What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?
You pull the pin and throw it back!
How do you disrespect an Asian?
Give them driving lessons.
3 people having sex is a threesome, 2 is a twosome. So next time someone calls you 'HANDSOME', don't take it as a compliment!
What do you call two natives in a ditch?
A sleepover.