You jokes
How do you get a nun pregnant?
You dress her up as an altar boy.
Why can’t you give an orphan homework?
Because they don’t have a home to do it in.
How do men like their women? Striped.
How does a priest like their children? Clean.
Why are most orphans strippers? They want to call someone mommy or daddy.
What is the difference between a stripper and candy? None. But they like it when you take the wrapper off.
What do you call it when an Arab girl has an abortion?
Removing a bomb.
Stephen Hawking tried comedy.
His first line ruined it. "You know what I can't stand? Let me rephrase that, you know what? I can't stand."
water puppy
An astronomer walked up to me and I was like, "Give me some space..."
Are you getting the funnies?
Where do you find white people on a bench?
- The NBA.
A man gets captured by cannibals.
Every day they poke him with spears and use his blood to wash down their food. Finally the guy calls the chief over and says, "You can kill me or you can eat me, but I'm tired of getting stuck for drinks."
What do you call a man with no body and no nose?
No Body Knows.
No body nose.
When the school lets you near children again...
What do a friend and a mouse have in common? They will both be angry if you throw bricks at them.
What do you call a cow that has two legs shorter on one side of its body compared to the other?
LEAN BEEF!
Have you ever stepped in Stephen Hawking's house?
Neither has he. 😂😂
When you're exercising and you feel the “gush.”
Your mum is so smart, but she still can’t figure out why she had you.
How do you properly eat a vegetable?
You tip over the wheelchair.
How do you get rid of butterflies in your stomach?
Stop eating caterpillars.
A woman walks into a dentist's office, sits on the counter, and spreads her legs.
The dentist says, "I think you have the wrong idea with that." The woman replies, "Last week you gave my husband his false teeth; now you can get them out."
Ex-Boyfriend: You have no ass, so we're through!
Me: Stop being a dickhead, dude!! It ain't gonna make your little sausage any bigger!
Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
Students: "Meat."
Teacher: "Very good. Now what does the pig give you?"
Students: "Bacon."
Teacher: "And finally, what does the fat cow give you?"
One of the students: "Homework!"