You jokes

If you humped a whale, it would humpback.

If a cat hits you with her tail, is it considered being pussy whipped?

How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?

Put him in the microwave until his bill Withers.

Two fish were in a tank. One turned to the other and asked: "Hey, how do you drive this thing?"

Did you hear about the person who got hit in the head with a soda can?

Good thing it was a "soft" drink!

EU Delegate: "Sir, your country has the highest corruption and crime rate out of any other member nations. What do you have to say?"

Ambassador: *tries slipping the delegate 40 Euros* "You didn't see any statistics."

What do you call a nervous Jedi?

Panakin.

Q: What is the difference between two bottles of Whiskey and 2 pretty feminist girls?

A: You don't leave the bottles in the cold and dark forest after you and your 9 friends are finished with them.

What do you call a nine year old with no friends?

A Sandy Hook survivor.

What do you call a male cow who’s taking a nap?

A bull dozer.

At school, this gurl was like, "You're ugly!" And I'm like, "Gurl, your mirror cracks the moment you step in front of it."

Friends are like penguins: if you stab them, they die. 😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈

What do you call a group of emo kids?

The suicide squad.

Q: What season can an orphan see their family tree?

A: Fall.

If you don't get it, in the fall trees have no leaves, there [are] just empty branches, like an orphan's tree.

Whenever you wanna roast an orphan, say "yo mamma".

What do you call sad coffee... deppresso!

You're so ugly you scared the crap out of the toilet!

Q: How many dead babies does it take to paint the wall?

A: Depends how hard you throw them.

How do you get a baby into a small bowl?

A blender.

How do you get it out? Tostito chips.

What’s the difference between an onion and a photo of a dead relative? Nothing, they both make you cry when you look at it.