Woman jokes

She left, and now I support women's rights. I will kill her.

There were two friends talking one day. Tim tells John, "I think I'm gay."

John says to Tim, "What do you mean?"

Tim says, "When I grow up, I want to dress like a woman and sing karaoke in a bar and call myself (Gillette the best a man can get)!"

John says to Tim, "I think you're right, and thanks for reminding me I need to buy razors."

I was literally cradlesnatched as a child.

Yeah, in the arms of an older woman experiencing my first rounds of motorboating.

Women should be seen and not heard.

But how would you control that if she was screaming "NO!!!" in the bedroom?

What is the difference between a pencil and a woman?

At least one has a point.

What's 2ft long, blue, and stiff and keeps a woman up all night?

Cot death.

What does Mammot like on a woman’s body?

Bum bum bummmm buuummmmm bummm.

What do you call a woman who sleeps with multiple men?

A whore.

"I'd love to give everyone another shot."

Harry, 26, works at the women's clinic.

What is the difference between a man peering through the keyhole and a woman in the bath?

One is rude and nosy; the other is nude and Rosy.

How can you tell a woman's pussy is good?

You smell her fingers.

One woman said to the other, "This child is truly cruel!"

The second woman replied, "Did I say 'child'?"

The first woman said, "I beg your pardon; I didn't know you were my father!"

What do you call a Muslim who drinks, smokes, and fools around with other women?

Turkish.

Girl: "Daddy!"

Father: "Do I love you?"

Girl: "I'm a... a girl!"

Father: "Mhm!"

Woman: "Daddy?"

Father: "Of course?"

Woman: "I'm a girl too!"

Father: "Does God love children?"

Boy: "Yessss..."

What is the difference between a man and a woman packing boxes?

The man says, "I have everything I need."

The woman says, "I love everything I have."

What do women and appliances have in common?

If they don't work, hit them until they work.

When a woman is something weeks or months pregnant and her stomach has a visible bump, everyone rubs her tummy, but no one tickles the husband's balls and says, "Good job, buddy!"

What is a woman's name with one leg?

Eileen.

Girl: "Dad."

Dad: "Do I love you?"

Girl: "I am a prostitute."

Dad: "Yes."

Woman 2: "Dad."

Dad: "Right?"

Woman 2: "I'm a woman too."

Father: "God, do you love children?"

Boy: "Yes..."

If a woman named Susan gets murdered, is it considered a Sue-icide?