Woman jokes

I was literally cradlesnatched as a child.

Yeah, in the arms of an older woman experiencing my first rounds of motorboating.

If a woman named Susan gets murdered, is it considered a Sue-icide?

What is the autistic woman’s favorite Dorito flavor?

Neurospicy.

I braced myself when I got in the car, but then I realized my wife wasn't driving.

When a woman is something weeks or months pregnant and her stomach has a visible bump, everyone rubs her tummy, but no one tickles the husband's balls and says, "Good job, buddy!"

What's 2ft long, blue, and stiff and keeps a woman up all night?

Cot death.

What is the difference between a pencil and a woman?

At least one has a point.

What does Mammot like on a woman’s body?

Bum bum bummmm buuummmmm bummm.

Went home with a woman last night. I was greeted at the door by a Mongrel.

I say Mongrel, it was her Down syndrome son trying to process if I was a stranger or not.

How many women does it take to change a light bulb?

None, because they're so DARN STUPID!!!!

Women should be seen and not heard.

But how would you control that if she was screaming "NO!!!" in the bedroom?

I like my women how I like my bacon.

Well Dunn!!!

What kind of experience does a feminazi have for being a feminist?

Being a bitch.

Once, there was a woman who had a husband and a dog. The husband dies.

The dog would always sleep under the bed, and when the woman would go to sleep, she'd put her hand down, and the dog would lick it to say she/he was alright. One night, it was thunderstorming. She put her hand down and the dog licked normally. She heard the dog whimper, so she put her hand down like normal, as the dog always does, he/she licks her hand.

Then she heard dripping coming from the bathroom, so she went to go stop the leaking that might be coming from the tap, but the tap wasn't on, nor was it dripping. She turns on the light and looks up at the roof to see if the roof was leaking but turns out her dog was hung by its head above the bathtub.

On the mirror it said, "Humans can lick too," in the dog's blood.

This is a true story, don't be afraid to look it up!

An old woman walks into an outdoor supplies store.

"I'd like an infrared gorilla," she says.

The clerk proceeds to give her an infrared gorilla from the back room.

"We've had hundreds of these things in the back for ages," exclaims the clerk. "You're the first person who's actually wanted one."

Lesbians and blind women wear the same clothes.

Why was Hellen Keller a bad driver? She was a woman.

Also, I have the same Birthday as her, so I have the pass.

What does having sex with a woman and cooking an egg in a skillet have in common?

Both end with a loud annoying sound and a gooey mess to clean the shit up.

A man sees a woman. He falls in love with her. Little did he know she had AIDS.

What do 100,000 battered women have in common? The bitch was wrong!