Pregnancy jokes
God made Adam and Eve have sex right out the gate.
Then he made teenagers horny... yet here we are with a so-called "rise in teen pregnancy."
Asian pregnancy test: Stick a Rubik cube into vagina. Wait 30 seconds, if it's solved then there's a little Asian in there.
How come when women decide to kill their unborn baby it's a "choice"? But when I decide to drive my car into a playground full of children it's called "murder."
You are what happens when women drink during pregnancy.
A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of childbirth to the father. He asks if it is okay to use the new device. The couple agrees, and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing. They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing. They keep doing this until they have the machine up to 100%. The man still felt nothing so they go home happy, until they find the milkman dead on the porch.
So you decide one day to ask your son if he wants to f**k, do you do it for 3 hours, then you realize how will I explain another pregnancy to my sterile husband?
What is an unborn baby's Olympic sport?
Dodge the coat hanger.
When is rape normal?
When it's called an unplanned pregnancy.
Mamma mia abortion clinic!
Your loss is our sauce.
What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a pregnant emo girl?
The emo girl still bleeds.
I'm pregnant.
1+1=3, just add 9 months.
A women's knitters group is having a meeting, and they are all pregnant. They all talk about their pregnancies.
One woman says, "I'm taking vitamin C so my baby has a healthy immune system."
Another knitter says, "I'm taking folic acid to help my baby's brain."
Finally, one woman says, "I'm taking Thalidomide!"
All the women turn to her and say, "Thalidomide! Don't you know your baby could be born without arms?"
The woman shrugs her shoulders and says, "I don't know how to knit arms."
Welcome to the abortion clinic. You make 'em, we scrape 'em. No fetus can beat us.
What’s red, 11 inches, and makes my girlfriend cry when I slap her with it?
Her miscarriage.
What do a pregnant 14-year-old and the fetus inside of her have in common?
They both are thinking, "Shit! Mom is gonna kill me!"
My wife is pregnant with a 3-year-old, so I gave her medicine, but now she’s pregnant with a 5-year-old.
Once Jimmy was minding his own business, then he hears his mom come home. He asked, "Where have you been?" She replied with, "I was at work," yet he knew his mom did not have work. So the next day, while heading to school, he gets a phone call saying his mom is pregnant, and they want to try their device, and they need the baby's dad to say if it's alright.
Hondo's dad and mum went up the hill to do it in the water.
Jack slipped, his condom ripped, and now they have a Hondo.
Q: How did Helen Keller's parents punish her? A: They put a plunger in the toilet.
Q: How many kids did Helen Keller have? A: None, the plunger went all the way up.