Pregnancy jokes
A women's knitters group is having a meeting, and they are all pregnant. They all talk about their pregnancies.
One woman says, "I'm taking vitamin C so my baby has a healthy immune system."
Another knitter says, "I'm taking folic acid to help my baby's brain."
Finally, one woman says, "I'm taking Thalidomide!"
All the women turn to her and say, "Thalidomide! Don't you know your baby could be born without arms?"
The woman shrugs her shoulders and says, "I don't know how to knit arms."
Asian pregnancy test: Stick a Rubik cube into vagina. Wait 30 seconds, if it's solved then there's a little Asian in there.
When is rape normal?
When it's called an unplanned pregnancy.
God made Adam and Eve have sex right out the gate.
Then he made teenagers horny... yet here we are with a so-called "rise in teen pregnancy."
Why would you make jokes about birth control?
It's a great labour-saving invention.
A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of childbirth to the father. He asks if it is okay to use the new device. The couple agrees, and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing. They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing. They keep doing this until they have the machine up to 100%. The man still felt nothing so they go home happy, until they find the milkman dead on the porch.
How come when women decide to kill their unborn baby it's a "choice"? But when I decide to drive my car into a playground full of children it's called "murder."
What is black, white, and red all over? An interracial abort!
You are what happens when women drink during pregnancy.
Q: Name a murderer?
Aborted fetus: My mum.
Q. What do you call a baby born six months early?
A. A miscarriage.
Mary had a great big ram, his fleece was white as snow, when on hands and knees our Mary went, his wad was sure to blow.
Month by month her belly grew, increasing in its girth, and when five months had flown by, our Mary did give birth.
And Mary had a little lamb, a little lamb, a little lamb...
Guy 1: How far are we going?
Guy 2: About as far as somebody's miscarriage.
I was gonna tell a baby joke, but I had to abort.
So.. err actually, don’t worry. I was gonna make a joke about dead babies, but I had to abort.
What [is] another name for an abortion?
Canceling your delivery.
I was about to make a baby joke but then decided to abort.
Your hairline is the reason why some women have miscarriages.
What does a burnt pizza, cold beer, and a pregnant woman have in common?
Someone didn’t pull it out in time.
If a pregnant emo kills herself, is it murder-suicide?