Woman jokes

What do you call someone who’s blond, beautiful, and listens to what you’re saying, but only hears what they want?

Womxn

If there was a zombie apocalypse, girls would make a "forehead apocalypse" since it is so big.

What does a beaten woman do when she comes home from the hospital?

Dishes if she knows what's good for her health.

What do nerds and chicks have in common? They both have four eyes.

What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and his wheelchair?

At least his wheelchair can pull a woman.

A man walks into a bar and says, "Ouch!"

And the women look at him as if they have never seen a man walk into a bar before.

"COVERBITCH, your worthless."

The woman had a dick, lol, it's your mom ahahahahahaha, yeah YOU! Jhon man! In New York City I am on to you! I will be under your bed tonight lol get a bodyguard!

What's the difference between a woman with a penis and a terrorist? You can negotiate with the terrorist.

After a week of this, she can't stand it any longer.

The woman goes into her supervisor's office and tells him that she wants to file a sexual harassment suit against the man and explains why.

Woman: Will you love me after marriage as well?

Man: That will depend on your husband. If he will, so of course I would!

I like my coffee like I like my women.

Friend: You know how I like my women like my coffee... hot.

Me: What if you don't like coffee? :(

What do you call a woman who sleeps with multiple men?

A whore.

When a woman is something weeks or months pregnant and her stomach has a visible bump, everyone rubs her tummy, but no one tickles the husband's balls and says, "Good job, buddy!"

Girl: "Daddy!"

Father: "Do I love you?"

Girl: "I'm a... a girl!"

Father: "Mhm!"

Woman: "Daddy?"

Father: "Of course?"

Woman: "I'm a girl too!"

Father: "Does God love children?"

Boy: "Yessss..."

What is the difference between a man and a woman packing boxes?

The man says, "I have everything I need."

The woman says, "I love everything I have."

Once, there was a woman who had a husband and a dog. The husband dies.

The dog would always sleep under the bed, and when the woman would go to sleep, she'd put her hand down, and the dog would lick it to say she/he was alright. One night, it was thunderstorming. She put her hand down and the dog licked normally. She heard the dog whimper, so she put her hand down like normal, as the dog always does, he/she licks her hand.

Then she heard dripping coming from the bathroom, so she went to go stop the leaking that might be coming from the tap, but the tap wasn't on, nor was it dripping. She turns on the light and looks up at the roof to see if the roof was leaking but turns out her dog was hung by its head above the bathtub.

On the mirror it said, "Humans can lick too," in the dog's blood.

This is a true story, don't be afraid to look it up!

An old woman walks into an outdoor supplies store.

"I'd like an infrared gorilla," she says.

The clerk proceeds to give her an infrared gorilla from the back room.

"We've had hundreds of these things in the back for ages," exclaims the clerk. "You're the first person who's actually wanted one."

Lesbians and blind women wear the same clothes.