Woman jokes

"COVERBITCH, your worthless."

What is the difference between a pencil and a woman?

At least one has a point.

What's 2ft long, blue, and stiff and keeps a woman up all night?

Cot death.

How many women does it take to change a light bulb?

None, because they're so DARN STUPID!!!!

I was literally cradlesnatched as a child.

Yeah, in the arms of an older woman experiencing my first rounds of motorboating.

I like my women how I like my bacon.

Well Dunn!!!

What is the autistic woman’s favorite Dorito flavor?

Neurospicy.

Once, there was a woman who had a husband and a dog. The husband dies.

The dog would always sleep under the bed, and when the woman would go to sleep, she'd put her hand down, and the dog would lick it to say she/he was alright. One night, it was thunderstorming. She put her hand down and the dog licked normally. She heard the dog whimper, so she put her hand down like normal, as the dog always does, he/she licks her hand.

Then she heard dripping coming from the bathroom, so she went to go stop the leaking that might be coming from the tap, but the tap wasn't on, nor was it dripping. She turns on the light and looks up at the roof to see if the roof was leaking but turns out her dog was hung by its head above the bathtub.

On the mirror it said, "Humans can lick too," in the dog's blood.

This is a true story, don't be afraid to look it up!

An old woman walks into an outdoor supplies store.

"I'd like an infrared gorilla," she says.

The clerk proceeds to give her an infrared gorilla from the back room.

"We've had hundreds of these things in the back for ages," exclaims the clerk. "You're the first person who's actually wanted one."

Lesbians and blind women wear the same clothes.

Why was Hellen Keller a bad driver? She was a woman.

Also, I have the same Birthday as her, so I have the pass.

What does having sex with a woman and cooking an egg in a skillet have in common?

Both end with a loud annoying sound and a gooey mess to clean the shit up.

What do 100,000 battered women have in common? The bitch was wrong!

A man sees a woman. He falls in love with her. Little did he know she had AIDS.

What's red and runs up your leg?

A homesick abortion.

Woman do have rights!

A transgender woman with cancer of the tits only has to pay for half the operation.

A man walks into a library.

Man: "Hello ma'am, do you know where I can find a book on suicide?"

Librarian: "Do you know about our return policy?"

Suicidal Man: ...

Librarian: ...

The Woman checking out a book: "WHAT THE FUCK?"

I got fired from the library in the first 30 minutes because I "womens rights" in the sci-fi fiction section.

If you wait for a woman to get 9 months pregnant and kill her, you will never be able to stop the loop.