Little Johnny catches his parents going at it and says “hey dad! Whatcha doin?” His father says “I’m filling your moms tank” Johnny says, “oh yeah well, you better get a model that gets better mileage because th milk man filled her up this morning.”
What kind of dreams do hotels have?
Suite dreams
When I was a child, my parents told me my uncle was ‘sleeping with the fishes’. At first, I thought he bought a water bed, but I then discovered he was killed and buried at sea.
The furniture store keeps calling me back... But all I wanted was that one nightstand.
"Son, I found a condom in your room."
"Gee, thanks, Grandpa!"
"Why are you calling me Grandpa?"
"Because I couldn't find it yesterday."
What are the three worst words to hear while you are having sex?
Honey, I'm home!
I woke up one night and it was really dark in my room, then my T.V. started to float out the window. I said "drop it nig-"
Q. Two gay guys are having sex, when suddenly the house catches fire. Who gets out of the house first, the guy on top or bottom?
A. They guy on the bottom because he already has his shit packed.
A wife was cleaning 12-year-old son’s bedroom When she found a load of serious bondage gear and fetish mags, she asked her husband, “what do we do?” The husband said, “I’m no expert, but I wouldn’t fucking spank him.”
Daughter: I know this is weird but I feel like that someone is watching me when I am sleeping.
Father: Sorry
Kid: " Mom I had a scary dream can I come sleep with you and dad " Mom: " sure sweetie sleep in the middle " Kid: " Dad can you get the remote out of my back " Dad: " That isn't the remote "
*Weird background music*
As a murderer, I stabbed a man after infiltrating his house. His wife came in, and saw me. She fell into tears. I got up and said,"Drama queen!"
dont you just hate when your the first one sleep at the sleepover and then you hear ''Prank em John"
What plae has more boys than the catholic church? Michael Jackson's bedroom
How to get a girl in three steps: Step 1: grab a pillow Step 2: grab a blanket Step 3: keep dreaming
Kenny's favourite part of living in his mom's basement is sleeping with the landlady.
My son came to me depressed, so I pointed to the spare bedroom and said, "Hang in here, son."
"Mommy, mommy, where's my school dress...ewww!" "Shut up and leave the bedroom."
In my house, good sex sounds like seals slapping each other.
🎆 New Year's Eve
Lil Johnny👦: „Every year the same, people always have to start banging before midnight“
Mom👱🏻♀️: „Johnny, would you please leave the bedroom now?“
Dad👨🏻🦰: „Son, if you don't leave, it‘ll bang on your head!“
