Woman

Woman jokes

Sex

    • Me, a Chinese woman, and her BFF walked into a bar. I asked the Chinese girl for her number. She said, “Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!” I said, “Wow!”

    Then her friend said, “She means 666-3629.”

  • 0

    • Sex

    • Apparently there was a woman from Australia who had sex with 500 men in one day.

    That's like a real life "Your mom" joke.

  • 0

    • Bath

    • What is the difference between a man peering through the keyhole and a woman in the bath?

    One is rude and nosy; the other is nude and Rosy.

  • 0
    • Woman memes

    Balance

    • One day I was working at the bank, doing my job. Then suddenly a woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over. Then I told her that her balance is un-balanced.

    Homeless Man

    • A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.

    The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"

    "No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.

    "Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" the man asked.

    "No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I spend all my time trying to stay alive."

    "Will you spend this on green fees at a golf course instead of food?" the man asked.

    "Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!"

    "Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?" the man asked.

    "What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?" exclaimed the homeless man.

    "Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."

    The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty and I probably smell pretty disgusting."

    The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up beer, fishing, golf and sex."

  • 2

    • Drink

    • Trump goes to a bar and sees Hillary Clinton. He goes up to her and says, "Buy me a drink." She replies angrily, "Get your own drinks. What kind of a man asks a woman to buy him a drink?" Trump responds, "The kind that will grab you by the p***y."

  • 0

    • Feet

    • I used to have a girlfriend who would argue with me a lot for no reason. I look at her feet and say to her, "Here is £15, give yourself a foot pedicure, then come back to me. It clearly shows you have man feet. You are a woman; you should have woman feet. No wonder you boss me around too much as if you're the man of the house."

  • 1

    • Floor

    • A team of cops and a news reporter are at a home where a violent crime has been committed. The head news reporter, in front of the camera, says, "A woman in this house has killed her husband because he stepped on the floor while she was mopping." He then turns around and asks a cop, "Has the woman been arrested yet?" The cop replies, "Not yet, we're waiting for the floor to dry."

  • 0

    • Vagina

    • A young woman goes for her first gynecological exam, and the nurse has her take off her clothes, put on a gown, and get in the stirrups. She tells her the doctor will be in in a minute.

    The doctor comes in and tells the young lady that she has one of the most beautiful vaginas he’s ever seen, and he has seen a lot of them. She thanks him for the compliment. He tells her he is about to start the examination, but he is going to have to numb her first, when she says ok, he goes:

    "Num num num num num!"

  • 0

    • Forehead

    • There was a doctor's room filled with 20 women, 4 kids, 15 men, and 1 dog. However, there were forty foreheads. How is this possible?

    (They will think 44 heads, not 40 foreheads.)

    Because there are 40 foreheads, not 44 heads.