Woman jokes

A blonde crashes an airplane.

Officer: Could you please explain to me what happened?

Woman: It got so cold in the plane, I turned the fan off.

Officer: *face palms self*

Also officer: Here's your sign.

I like my women like I like my wine: 12 years old, in the basement, and locked up.

When a man sleeps with a lot of women, he's called a stud. When a woman sleeps with a lot of men, she's called your mum.

They say if Viagra lasts more than four hours, call the doctor? I’m just wondering, it’s been six hours and I’m still hard, should I call the doctor or hop on another woman?

I asked the homeless woman if I could take her home. She said yes, so I took it.

If you look for something for 10 days and a woman walks in, opens a cabinet, and finds it:

So, just hire a female pope for the Holy Grail that has been missing for 500 years so she just opens a cabinet and she finds it.

Haha, boob!

There were two friends talking one day. Tim tells John, "I think I'm gay."

John says to Tim, "What do you mean?"

Tim says, "When I grow up, I want to dress like a woman and sing karaoke in a bar and call myself (Gillette the best a man can get)!"

John says to Tim, "I think you're right, and thanks for reminding me I need to buy razors."

What is the difference between a pencil and a woman?

At least one has a point.

The woman had a dick, lol, it's your mom ahahahahahaha, yeah YOU! Jhon man! In New York City I am on to you! I will be under your bed tonight lol get a bodyguard!

I am not telling you twice, your mouth stinks, so go burn your house down like a crazy mad woman, and I will call the cops like, "WTH," because you are so fat.

Hippity hoppity, women are property.

What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and his wheelchair?

At least his wheelchair can pull a woman.

Why do women need a pay rise? Isn't the glass ceiling high enough?

Women say their baby daddies are trash like... woman, didn't he impregnate you and didn't he win your heart? I mean, he's not trash, you are!

What wastes your money as you earn it?

Women.

There were three women, one was curvy in all the right places, one was skinny but had a booty on her, and last but not least there’s one that has a BBL. Then comes in a famous rapper, guess which one he picked???

If there was a zombie apocalypse, girls would make a "forehead apocalypse" since it is so big.

Women be like, "Men's heights," then cry when they get called fat...

Women be like I don't wear makeup for men.

Then get mad when a man doesn't compliment her in her makeup!