Woman jokes
Josh: What’s the useless piece of skin around the vagina called?
Daniel: Isn’t it the women?
Josh: Oh yes, that’s right.
Two women, Jane and Emma, are in the afterlife waiting for judgement.
Emma turns to Jane and says, "I'm just curious, but how did you die?"
Jane replies with, "I burnt to death."
Emma, shocked, responds with, "That sounds horrible! What was it like?"
Jane answers with, "It first felt really hot and painful, but then I felt nothing. How did you die?"
Emma replies with, "Well, I believed my husband was cheating on me. I decided to leave work early one day to make sure he was loyal. I found him on the phone with his mother. I thought he was hiding something from me so I ran to the bedroom and found nothing. Then I sprinted to the kitchen and didn't find anything. I then jolted outside to the backyard and just found that he hadn't cleaned the pool. I was so tired from running that I fell over into the pool and drowned."
Jane retorts with, "Well if you checked the oven neither of us would be here right now."
I'm torn on the issue of abortion. I'm pro-abortion because it kills babies, but I'm against abortion because it gives women a choice.
What do women and dog turds have in common?
The older they get, the easier they are to pick up.
What’s another name for a woman giving birth?
Unloading the dishwasher.
Would make any day better. If you don’t understand this then research “shaiden rouge.” She is a scientist who explains how this could improve somebody’s mental state.
The woman became extremely uncomfortable with the man she had just met. While he lay beside her, romantically kissing and stroking her neck he whispered, “I called the number you gave me at the bar tonight. Someone named Alvin answered who has never heard of you.”
A woman can fake an orgasm for the sake of a relationship.
A man can fake a relationship for the sake of an orgasm.
Funny thing is, dead women can't say no...
If there was a zombie apocalypse, girls would make a "forehead apocalypse" since it is so big.
What do you call a bad bitch? You call them stupid bitches.
What do garbage bins and horny women have in common?
They wait to be filled with a big load.
What’s the difference between women and cars?
At least cars retain some of their value after getting wrecked.
Three women walk into a bar and start talking about how loose they are. One fits a sausage, another fits a cucumber, the third one slides down the barstool.
What's the difference between Ironman and Ironwoman? One is a superhero and the other is a simple command.
When a woman decides to abort, it is called a decision, but when I run my truck into a playground of kids, it is called murder.
What’s red, blonde, and wet?
Saskia in grain.
I used to be a baker, but I decided to quit my job and stick my dough inside WOMEN’S bakeries.
Cops have the hardest job: they have to tell women they have the right to remain silent and know damn well she will not have the ability.
I call my girlfriend .05 because she's a bag I blow into when I've had a few drinks.
It’s true women do make less money than men.
But it’s their fault because they choose the lower paying jobs. Men, for example, choose the higher paying jobs like doctor or lawyer. Whereas women choose the lower paying jobs like women doctor and women lawyer.