Woman jokes

If you can make a woman laugh, you're almost there.

If you're almost there and then she laughs, then you've got a whole different problem on your hands.

Haha, boob!

I asked the homeless woman if I could take her home. She said yes, so I took it.

If you look for something for 10 days and a woman walks in, opens a cabinet, and finds it:

So, just hire a female pope for the Holy Grail that has been missing for 500 years so she just opens a cabinet and she finds it.

There were two friends talking one day. Tim tells John, "I think I'm gay."

John says to Tim, "What do you mean?"

Tim says, "When I grow up, I want to dress like a woman and sing karaoke in a bar and call myself (Gillette the best a man can get)!"

John says to Tim, "I think you're right, and thanks for reminding me I need to buy razors."

Women should be seen and not heard.

But how would you control that if she was screaming "NO!!!" in the bedroom?

What kind of experience does a feminazi have for being a feminist?

Being a bitch.

If a woman named Susan gets murdered, is it considered a Sue-icide?

What is a woman's name with one leg?

Eileen.

When a woman is something weeks or months pregnant and her stomach has a visible bump, everyone rubs her tummy, but no one tickles the husband's balls and says, "Good job, buddy!"

What does Mammot like on a woman’s body?

Bum bum bummmm buuummmmm bummm.

Went home with a woman last night. I was greeted at the door by a Mongrel.

I say Mongrel, it was her Down syndrome son trying to process if I was a stranger or not.

A man walks into a bar and says, "Ouch!"

And the women look at him as if they have never seen a man walk into a bar before.

Husband: My wife and I went to the beach today.

Husband: She was wearing a blue wetsuit.

Husband: The second we entered the beach,

Pedestrians: "TSUNAMI! TSUNAMI!"

You can tell if a woman is angry if she is holding a gun.

I braced myself when I got in the car, but then I realized my wife wasn't driving.

Q: What do you call a blonde with two brain cells?

A: Pregnant.

Why do women rub their eyebrows? They don't got balls to scratch!

I like my coffee like I like my women.

Friend: You know how I like my women like my coffee... hot.

Me: What if you don't like coffee? :(