Woman jokes
Why is Ireland so gay?
Because the Brits stole all their women.
What is the best way to pick a woman at a bar?
Spike her drink with roofies
What do a woman construction worker and a woman activist have in common?
They just stand there and hold the sign.
If a woman’s version of marriage is "happy wife, happy life," but statistically men are more likely to kill themselves, so who should be making who happy?
Then a man’s is "happy husband, don’t get bludgeoned."
Men should pay for dates because women have to pay for expensive things like makeup because God didn’t finish their faces.
What is a woman?
A walking vagina who nags.
What's that thing that walks on two legs, washes dishes, sucks my cock, cooks, cleans, bends over for me and never fucking shuts up?
Femoids.
Must have been a woman pilot.
What's the best part about getting a lap dance from an Asian woman?
Her eyes are so narrow that she can't see if you don't pay her.
What's the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant woman?
You can unscrew a lightbulb.
What is the difference between my dad’s generation and my generation of women?
He had Wonder Woman, and I have to wonder if it’s a woman.
What is the difference between a woman and a knife?
The knife has a point.
What did Stephen Hawking say—I mean, type—when he saw a beautiful woman?
"That's the best shag I never had."
Why are hurricanes like women? Because they come into your life, take nearly everything, and leave.
What are women allergic to and always try to dodge?
Accountability.
What’s another name for a woman giving birth?
Unloading the dishwasher.
Pro marriage tip: Let your wife know you’re all about women’s rights, especially the right to remain silent, because all appliances should be silent.
One woman said to the other, "This child is truly cruel!"
The second woman replied, "Did I say 'child'?"
The first woman said, "I beg your pardon; I didn't know you were my father!"
History is mostly just a list of things men did while women were busy making sure they didn't die of scurvy.
How can you tell a woman's pussy is good?
You smell her fingers.