Woman jokes
Do you know why most men are impressive cooks?
Because with two eggs and a sausage, they can keep women full for 9 months.
The real reason women are always cold is because they’re not in front of a stove or an oven. So, naturally, when they leave the habitat, they need to have two blankets.
Girl: "Dad."
Dad: "Do I love you?"
Girl: "I am a prostitute."
Dad: "Yes."
Woman 2: "Dad."
Dad: "Right?"
Woman 2: "I'm a woman too."
Father: "God, do you love children?"
Boy: "Yes..."
What’s the difference between a woman and a mosquito?
A mosquito stops sucking when you slap it.
What’s one thing that comes up at the worst possible time and ruins your day?
A period.
What do you call a Muslim who drinks, smokes, and fools around with other women?
Turkish.
Why do women love Chinese food? Because WON TON spelled backward is NOT NOW!
My girlfriend asked me to name all the women I've slept with. I probably should've stopped when I got to her.
Why do men fart louder than women?
Because women can’t keep their mouth shut to build up any pressure.
What is the first thing you would do if you woke up as a woman?
"Probably the dishes."
How do you stop a woman from choking?
Back up an inch.
What do you say to a feminist with no arms and no legs?
"Nice tits, bitch."
Cops have the hardest job: they have to tell women they have the right to remain silent and know damn well she will not have the ability.
What’s the best part about having sex with a pregnant woman?
You can have sex and a blow job at the same time.
Roses are red, violets are blue, feminist pussy stinks, and yours does too.
Did you know "bj" ends with "job" because if you are giving a man a blow job, it sucks? But if you’re giving it to a woman, it's called "eating out" because it’s a privilege.
So, I was in the church the other day, raping this woman, when she screamed, 'Please! Think of my children!' I said, 'Ooo, you kinky bitch.'
When a woman says, "I need to be treated like a delicate flower," don't cut the wrong cord on the bomb.
How do you know that a woman is about to say something smart?
She starts the sentence with ‘a man once said.’
What is a woman's name with one leg?
Eileen.