Woman jokes
What do you get when you cross a car with a woman?
A transmission that never shifts.
What do women and wine bottles have in common?
They both have necks for grabbing, and holes to plug and unplug.
What do dogs and lesbian women have in common?
They're both lickers and called a bitch.
What is the best way to pick up a woman from the bar?
Spike her drink with roofies.
Why are women like parking spots?
Because all of the good ones are always taken first, and you gotta wait until they're available again.
Why is Ireland so gay?
Because the Brits stole all their women.
What is the best way to pick a woman at a bar?
Spike her drink with roofies
What do a woman construction worker and a woman activist have in common?
They just stand there and hold the sign.
If a woman’s version of marriage is "happy wife, happy life," but statistically men are more likely to kill themselves, so who should be making who happy?
Then a man’s is "happy husband, don’t get bludgeoned."
Men should pay for dates because women have to pay for expensive things like makeup because God didn’t finish their faces.
What is a woman?
A walking vagina who nags.
What's that thing that walks on two legs, washes dishes, sucks my cock, cooks, cleans, bends over for me and never fucking shuts up?
Femoids.
Must have been a woman pilot.
What's the best part about getting a lap dance from an Asian woman?
Her eyes are so narrow that she can't see if you don't pay her.
What's the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant woman?
You can unscrew a lightbulb.
What is the difference between my dad’s generation and my generation of women?
He had Wonder Woman, and I have to wonder if it’s a woman.
What is the difference between a woman and a knife?
The knife has a point.
What did Stephen Hawking say—I mean, type—when he saw a beautiful woman?
"That's the best shag I never had."
Why are hurricanes like women? Because they come into your life, take nearly everything, and leave.
What are women allergic to and always try to dodge?
Accountability.