Woman jokes

Why are modern women trash?

Because back in the day a woman knew her place.

The next woman who says she'd rather be alone in the woods with a bear, I'm throwing her in a pit with a bear and making her fight it with a wooden sword while drinking and singing "The Bear and the Maiden Fair."

Women understand each other.

That’s why they argue.

What do women and appliances have in common?

If they don't work, hit them until they work.

What’s the benefit of dating a homeless woman?

You can drop her off anywhere.

A Chinese man and an Indian man are in a car. Who’s driving?

A woman.

What is the difference between a man and a woman packing boxes?

The man says, "I have everything I need."

The woman says, "I love everything I have."

What are women allergic to and always try to dodge?

Accountability.

Girl: "Daddy!"

Father: "Do I love you?"

Girl: "I'm a... a girl!"

Father: "Mhm!"

Woman: "Daddy?"

Father: "Of course?"

Woman: "I'm a girl too!"

Father: "Does God love children?"

Boy: "Yessss..."

What do you call a woman who sleeps with multiple men?

A whore.

Three nuns die in a car crash, but they all make it to heaven. They're standing at the pearly gates, and Saint Peter says to them, "Don't worry, you're going to get in, but first I need you to answer these questions."

He asks the first nun, "What was the name of the first woman?" The nun says, "Eve." Saint Peter says, "Go on in."

Then he asks the second nun, "Where did Adam and Eve live?" The second one says, "The Garden of Eden." Saint Peter says, "You can go through."

Finally, he gets to the third nun and says, "What was the first thing Eve said to Adam?" The nun stands there a little confused and says, "Boy, that's a hard one." Saint Peter, shocked, goes, "That's correct! Go on in."

Do you know why most men are impressive cooks?

Because with two eggs and a sausage, they can keep women full for 9 months.

The real reason women are always cold is because they’re not in front of a stove or an oven. So, naturally, when they leave the habitat, they need to have two blankets.

Girl: "Dad."

Dad: "Do I love you?"

Girl: "I am a prostitute."

Dad: "Yes."

Woman 2: "Dad."

Dad: "Right?"

Woman 2: "I'm a woman too."

Father: "God, do you love children?"

Boy: "Yes..."

What’s the difference between a woman and a mosquito?

A mosquito stops sucking when you slap it.

What’s one thing that comes up at the worst possible time and ruins your day?

A period.

What do you call a Muslim who drinks, smokes, and fools around with other women?

Turkish.

Why do women love Chinese food? Because WON TON spelled backward is NOT NOW!

My girlfriend asked me to name all the women I've slept with. I probably should've stopped when I got to her.

Why do men fart louder than women?

Because women can’t keep their mouth shut to build up any pressure.