Woman jokes
A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.
The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.
"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" the man asked.
"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I spend all my time trying to stay alive."
"Will you spend this on green fees at a golf course instead of food?" the man asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!"
"Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?" the man asked.
"What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?" exclaimed the homeless man.
"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty and I probably smell pretty disgusting."
The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up beer, fishing, golf and sex."
"Hippoty hoppity, women are property."
What’s the benefit of dating a homeless woman?
You can drop her off anywhere.
Why are gay men better than straight women?
Because gay men are more willing to look after kids once they swallow them.
Why did Catholic women stop going to church?
Because it takes Jesus three days to rise.
How long does it take a black woman to take out the trash?
About nine months and a day.
How do you know Adam and Eve were white?
Have you ever tried taking a rib from black women?
What’s one thing women need to know nowadays?
Their place.
What is the worst thing about dating a blind woman?
Getting her husband's voice just right.
What do you call a crowd of horny white women?
Cotton waiting to be picked.
Why did the woman cross the road?
What’s she doing out of the kitchen in the first place?
I ran into a fat woman today. She said next time, don't hit me. I said I don't think I have enough gas to go around.
Then the ground started to rumble with every step she took.
There used to be Wonder Woman.
Now we wonder, what is a woman?
If all women disappeared one day, it would be a pain in the ass.
Me: What has two legs and bleeds?
Friend: Um, women? Obviously?
Me: Actually, half a dog. So you're still right.
My favorite thing to do in libraries is put cookbooks in the women’s sports section.
Woman: I want a man who is 6 feet and 6 inches.
Man: Is 6 feet and 6 inches one thing or two?
Woman: Two, I want a man who is 6 feet and also is 6 inches.
Man: Shit!
What do you call a white woman working at an all black company?
Crack/her
What does the word circumcise mean?
Cut off a boy's or a man's dick, or cut off a girl's or a woman's foreskin.
Bill Clinton, George W. Bush, and George Washington are on a sinking ship.
As the boat sinks, George Washington heroically shouts: “Save the women!”
George W. Bush hysterically hollers: “Screw the women!”
Bill Clinton asks excitedly: “Do we have time?”