Woman Jokes

What do cannibals think when they see a pregnant woman

Kinder egg surprise

Women are like tornadoes.

They scream when they are coming and take your house when they are leaving.

Man says, "What's Ligma?"

Woman says, "Ligma balls!"

Baby says nothing, she transgender.

What does a woman call Stormzy in bed?

Stiff chocolate.

What would a man say to flirt with a woman that has a big butt?

You are so butty-ful!

HMMMM?

Three vertical panels show a woman cosplaying as Violet from The Incredibles. In the first panel, she is wearing a black top and holding a book. In the second panel, she is wearing Violet's red superhero costume with long black gloves. In the third panel, her silhouette has disappeared, leaving only her eyes and a spoon.

I must have raped a woman in a skip. She said she felt rubbish.

A married woman gets hit by a truck, and the cops tell her husband:

Cop: "Sir, it looks like your wife's been hit by a truck."

Man: "I know, but she has a great personality."

A man and a woman get married. The woman was a retired hooker. The man was a poet.

The man said as they did 69, "You taste better than my most delicious gourmet meal." The woman said, "Well, you aren’t too bad either, but the best 69 I’ve gotten and given was Harry. He did it for 24 hours nonstop." They got divorced that night.

Islamic pubs and bars are the worst.

You can't drink alcohol or dance.

Women can get stoned though, no questions asked.

There’s a woman cutting onions who is her husband walks in and starts crying onions was a good dog

I had a new "blonde parts expert" woman call for parts. I needed 2 ought wire for a job. She calls NAPA auto and asks for twat wire. The parts guy was assuming she didn't know about Planned Parenthood? .. 😂🤣

Three women walk into a bar and start talking about how loose they are. One fits a sausage, another fits a cucumber, the third one slides down the barstool.

Big mummy milkers...

The woman became extremely uncomfortable with the man she had just met. While he lay beside her, romantically kissing and stroking her neck he whispered, “I called the number you gave me at the bar tonight. Someone named Alvin answered who has never heard of you.”