Property

Property Jokes

Suicide

Suicide is illegal because it's a crime to destroy government property.

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  • Donald Trump

    Why is Donald Trump so desperate to break into the White House?

    Most landlords cannot lease their properties to him due to the fact that he is a felon.

    Woman

    Why are women like hurricanes?

    They come in nasty and wet, then leave with your house and car.

    Divorce

    A friend of mine just got divorced. He and his ex-wife split the house. He got the outside.

    Death

    I want to die peacefully like my uncle, but I don’t own a car or have a garage.

    Misogyny

    What's the difference between property and women? At least property still retains some value after getting wrecked.

    Lord

    After a lord comes back from vacation, he meets the gardener at the gates of his park.

    Lord: "Has something happened while I was gone?"

    Gardener: "Ah, nothing much, I just broke a shovel while I was burying your dog."

    Lord: "My dog died?!"

    Gardener: "Yes, it choked on the smoke when your mansion burnt down."

    Lord: "My mansion?! How?!"

    Gardener: "Well, your wife was distraught and dropped a candle on the curtains."

    Lord: "Why was she so distraught?"

    Gardener: "She received the news of your daughter being kidnapped."

    Lord: "My daughter! Don't you have any positive news for me?!"

    Gardener: "Oh right! Your cancer test results!"

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  • House

    What do women, tornadoes, and hurricanes have in common? They all get the house.

    Ranch

    Why did Michael Jackson decide to sell the ranch?

    Because it was over 10 years old.

    Woman

    I would never slap a woman, then I’d be destroying property.

    Backyard

    I was digging in my backyard and I found gold, and I went to run and tell my mom, but I realized why I was digging in the backyard.

    Bike

    I saw a black man riding a brand new bike, so I went home to check my garage. It’s all good because I still saw mine still chained to the floor begging for food.

    Parent

    I went to visit my childhood home. I asked the owners if I could come in for some nostalgic memories. They said no and slammed the door on me. My parents are so mean.