Property jokes
Bippity boppity, get the f*ck off my property.
Once, my father came home and found me in front of a roaring fire.
That made my father very mad, as we didn't have a fireplace.
Suicide is illegal because it's a crime to destroy government property.
Why is Donald Trump so desperate to break into the White House?
Most landlords cannot lease their properties to him due to the fact that he is a felon.
Why are women like hurricanes?
They come in nasty and wet, then leave with your house and car.
A friend of mine just got divorced. He and his ex-wife split the house. He got the outside.
What kind of tea do wealthy people own?
Proper-Tea.
What's the difference between property and women? At least property still retains some value after getting wrecked.
I want to die peacefully like my uncle, but I don’t own a car or have a garage.
After a lord comes back from vacation, he meets the gardener at the gates of his park.
Lord: "Has something happened while I was gone?"
Gardener: "Ah, nothing much, I just broke a shovel while I was burying your dog."
Lord: "My dog died?!"
Gardener: "Yes, it choked on the smoke when your mansion burnt down."
Lord: "My mansion?! How?!"
Gardener: "Well, your wife was distraught and dropped a candle on the curtains."
Lord: "Why was she so distraught?"
Gardener: "She received the news of your daughter being kidnapped."
Lord: "My daughter! Don't you have any positive news for me?!"
Gardener: "Oh right! Your cancer test results!"
What runs around a yard without actually moving? A fence.
Why aren't orphans good at Monopoly?
They don't know what a house is.
What do women, tornadoes, and hurricanes have in common? They all get the house.
I was at my grandparents' and saw someone breaking into a car. I told my grandpa, "He's trying to break into the car!" He said, "No, ours is in the garden."
I would never slap a woman, then I’d be destroying property.
Why did Michael Jackson decide to sell the ranch?
Because it was over 10 years old.
I was digging in my backyard and I found gold, and I went to run and tell my mom, but I realized why I was digging in the backyard.
I saw a black man riding a brand new bike, so I went home to check my garage. It’s all good because I still saw mine still chained to the floor begging for food.
Flippity floppity, women are property.
What’s the difference between a bank vault and you aunt's anus?
The owner of bank vaults don’t force you to penetrate it.