Bippity boppity, get the f*ck off my property.
Suicide is illegal because it's a crime to destroy government property.
Why is Donald Trump so desperate to break into the White House?
Most landlords cannot lease their properties to him due to the fact that he is a felon.
Why are women like hurricanes?
They come in nasty and wet, then leave with your house and car.
A friend of mine just got divorced. He and his ex-wife split the house. He got the outside.
What kind of tea do wealthy people own?
Proper-Tea.
What's the difference between property and women? At least property still retains some value after getting wrecked.
I want to die peacefully like my uncle, but I don’t own a car or have a garage.
After a lord comes back from vacation, he meets the gardener at the gates of his park.
Lord: "Has something happened while I was gone?"
Gardener: "Ah, nothing much, I just broke a shovel while I was burying your dog."
Lord: "My dog died?!"
Gardener: "Yes, it choked on the smoke when your mansion burnt down."
Lord: "My mansion?! How?!"
Gardener: "Well, your wife was distraught and dropped a candle on the curtains."
Lord: "Why was she so distraught?"
Gardener: "She received the news of your daughter being kidnapped."
Lord: "My daughter! Don't you have any positive news for me?!"
Gardener: "Oh right! Your cancer test results!"
What runs around a yard without actually moving? A fence.
Why aren't orphans good at Monopoly?
They don't know what a house is.
Flippity floppity, women are property.
What do women, tornadoes, and hurricanes have in common? They all get the house.
I would never slap a woman, then I’d be destroying property.
I was digging in my backyard and I found gold, and I went to run and tell my mom, but I realized why I was digging in the backyard.
Why did Michael Jackson decide to sell the ranch?
Because it was over 10 years old.
What is the difference between a woman and ice? The ice always comes back.
Tons of people committed suicide on 9/11 by destroying government property.
Not to mention and by plane.
I went to visit my childhood home. I asked the owners if I could come in for some nostalgic memories. They said no and slammed the door on me. My parents are so mean.
Why do they call them apartments when they are together?
